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When You Remember That Staff Are Human, Too

, , | Right | June 4, 2020

On my way to the store’s computers to type in an order — during a very packed Sunday — I come across a customer complaining loudly to my manager.

Customer: “Your employees are so lazy. I’ve been here for an hour and all they do is fiddle around those computers! This is unacceptable!”

In our store, salesmen have to type in the customers’ orders so the guys in the back can bring in what the customers want. Everyone is busy typing in multiple orders from multiple customers.

Manager: “Do not worry. An available salesman should be with you very soon.”

Me: *Right on cue* “Good afternoon! I will attend you!”

Customer: “About time! I can’t believe it took you so long. Y’all should be fired.”

The customer rants and raves without even following me to the display area, while hurling more insults at my coworkers. I am losing my patience as I am already stressed out as it is.

Me: “I SAID I WILL ATTEND YOU!”

The customer freezes in place and looks at me with a shocked face as if no one has talked to her like that before. After a couple of seconds of recovering:

Customer: “Don’t use that tone with me! I am a customer! I’m going to pay you with my money! I’m not trying to beg for gifts or anything!”

Realizing my mistake but still visibly angry, I give out what may seem like a very sarcastic smile and tone.

Me: “I apologize. Now, as I said… I will attend you.”

Customer: “You know what? I don’t want anything anymore! This store can go to h***.”

The customer stormed out angrily, my manager complimented me for getting rid of her — she was a known bad regular — and I went back to work.

Later, I found out that she came back with her husband, but not one of my coworkers wanted to take her order. One did eventually, but then, it turned out that we had run out of stock for what she wanted!

“Jumanji” Came Out Twenty-Five Years Ago… Feel Old Yet?

, , | Related | May 14, 2020

I am facing some difficulties during breakfast.

Me: “Mom, we have to buy another toaster.”

Mom: “That one’s still good!”

Me: “Oh, come on! It’s old! It makes weird noises, the springs are blown to h***, and it doesn’t even toast anymore!”

Mom: “It’s not that old.”

Me: “Mom, when you bought this toaster, the original Jumanji was still in theatres. I think it’s about time we get a new one.”

Brotherly Love Is Always Cool

, , , , | Related | April 18, 2020

I’ll be in a different country for a month because of a college project. I’m still living with my family, and my brother has some friends over as I’m walking out of the door with my suitcase. 

Trying to look cool in front of them, my brother barely acknowledges me as I wave goodbye. Then, one of his buddies slaps him on the shoulder.

Friend: “Dude! She’s going overseas, not to the corner store! At least give her a hug!”

I got my hug.

No Better Time For Wine

, , , , , | Related | April 13, 2020

I am quarantined at home with my family, given the current health situation. It’s pretty boring after a while, so I decide to rearrange the house. My daughter keeps me company with her laptop while I sort through the liquor cabinet.

Me: “Hey, baby, look! We have some [Expensive Wine]! We should open it one of these days, don’t you think?”

Daughter: “Hmm? Yeah, sure…”

Me: “I’m serious! Can’t let it go to waste; it’s pretty good.”

My daughter looks up from the screen, smirking.

Daughter: “Mama, that’s what you said when you got it. Every time we get a wine bottle, we just stick it in that cabinet for a couple of years and then regift it to someone. Face it; we’re pretty boring people.”

I can’t be mad at her. She’s right.

When People Are Too Lazy To Even Read Comic Books

, , , | Right | March 20, 2020

(I used to work at a comic book store. One day, only my manager and I are working on an early morning. An excited customer comes in.)

Me: “Hello! How can I help you?”

Customer: “Hey, I just saw a [Superhero] poster outside! Do you have that movie?”

Me: “I’m sorry, we don’t sell any movies or DVDs. That’s actually a comic book series.”

Customer: “Is it good? Do you have it?”

Me: “It is awesome, actually. But unfortunately, we’re sold out. You’ll have to wait until the trade paperback comes in.”

Customer: “Okay, but when does the movie go out, then?”

Me: “That’s not a movie, sir.”

Customer: “So, you don’t have it on DVD?”

Me: *sighs* “No, sir.”

Customer: “But it will be? When will you have it?”

Me: “It is a comic book, sir. And I don’t think it’s going to be a movie. Ever.”

Customer: “So, it isn’t on DVD?”

(I’m trying to gather all the patience I’ve got.)

Me: “No, sir.”

Customer: *smiling* “Okay, I’ll come back later today to see if you’ve finally got the DVD!”

(Finally, he leaves and I turn to my manager.)

Me: “Please, let my shift be over for today.”

(He just laughed at me.)