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Ah, The Good Old Days

, , , , | Friendly | October 5, 2020

In 1998, I move from the US to Mexico to teach English. At the time, the only way to communicate with my friends back home is through an Internet cafe. Social media does not exist yet, so once a week I send a group email to my friends and answer their messages. Since Internet access is slow and expensive, I always write my letters in a rush, leading to incidents like this.

Friend #1: “What ages does your school serve?”

Friend #2: “What does your new girlfriend do?”

Me: “My school serves ages five to fourteen. My girlfriend is a student.”

A week later, I logged in to find several very concerned messages from my friends. I had to quickly clarify that my girlfriend was a full-time COLLEGE student.

In My Day We Did Inventory, By Hand, Backward, In The Snow!

, , , | Right | September 14, 2020

I work at a small hardware store. We have both a cashier and a PC for shipping and registering. Usually, the clients are fine with that, but some are not because of the store location. I am also a student so I am working until this customer comes by.

Customer #1: “Hello.”

Me: “Hello, sir. May I help you?”

Customer #1: “Yeah, can you give me some size [number] bolts and screws?”

Me: “Sure.”

I go look for what he was asking.

Customer #1: “Heh, why did it take you so long?”

Me: “I was looking for the size you asked me, sir.”

Customer #1: “No, it was because you are so accustomed to your PC and…”

He goes off, telling me about how PCs are bad for today’s youth and how, in the old times, they used to do stuff without them, until another customer enters.

Customer #1: “…and this is why…”

Customer #2: “Well, sir, are you going to buy or complain about today’s youth?”

Customer #1: “Buy stuff.”

Customer #2: “Well, in that case, sir, please pay whatever you have to pay and stop complaining because, in case you don’t know, the young man could have other priorities like studying or working on the store’s inventory.”

Customer #1: “Right.”

The customer paid and went away. I attended the other customer but I gave him what he asked for free, as he was right; I had to study and finish the store inventory.

Leave It To Ben & Jerry To Make Things Awkward, Part 3

, , , , , | Romantic | July 27, 2020

I’m at home. A friend is staying with me due to quarantine. While she is on Facebook, she tells me there is a new Ben and Jerry’s flavor called “Netflix and Chill.” I have been single for five years.

Me: “So I’ll finally be able to get some Netflix and chill!”

Friend: “It is peanut butter ice cream; you’re allergic to peanuts.”

Me: “Maybe I should start thinking about becoming a nun, since not even ice cream will let me have some Netflix and chill.”

Related:
Leave It To Ben & Jerry To Make Things Awkward, Part 2
Leave It To Ben & Jerry To Make Things Awkward

On The Bright Side, Your Hair Can See Really Well

, , , , | Related | June 23, 2020

I’m running errands with my daughter. She’s autistic and doesn’t feel comfortable talking. We usually manage to communicate just fine despite this.

Me: “Hey, sweetheart, have you seen my reading glasses?”

My daughter points to my head.

Me: “No, those are my sunglasses; I’m looking for my reading glasses.”

My daughter looked at me like I was an idiot and pointed to my head again. I felt around the top of my head to appease her.

Lo and behold, I had, indeed, perched both pairs atop my head without realizing.

It’s Pickle Slick!

, , , , , , , | Right | June 12, 2020

My girlfriend and I are stuck at home and we’re ordering food through a delivery app. In the special instructions, she requests that the burgers have no pickles since she doesn’t like them.

When the food finally arrives, she eats her portion and I decide to eat mine later. When she’s finished, she angrily tells me to look at the s*** bag that we were delivered. I go to look and on the side of the bag there is a message that reads, “Ex-tra pickles. Have a great day :)”.

At this point, I tear open my burger to see if it has pickles — I love them, by the way! — and found none. I ask my girlfriend if hers had pickles and there were none on hers, either, so no harm done. She then goes into a rant while I try to explain to her that it was a joke on behalf of the fast food worker and that there was no harm done.

It even gets a chuckle out of me, which only makes my girlfriend angrier, and she continues on her rant about paying for a service and expecting seriousness and hiring a clown if she wanted humor.

I hope that whoever did this to the food finds this post so I can tell them that I appreciated the gesture to lighten the situation and that I apologize on behalf of my girlfriend.