(My family and I have just finished a beautiful two-week trip and have bought a lot of ceramic plates, figures, and vases from all the towns we visited. We have had to take two plane trips inside the country, but this is the last plane back home to ours. My family is pretty well-travelled, and we always pride ourselves in our packing skills and never letting anything break, spending literally HOURS packing each suitcase the day before we travel. We are at the counter checking in our luggage when I suddenly hear the attendant next to me explaining to somebody else that they can’t take ceramics into their carry-on. I immediately turn and ask her to repeat herself. As usual, we have the most fragile items on our carry-ons, and that includes big ceramic skulls, three gigantic vases, and one head-sized apple sculpture. We confirm at security that, indeed, they do not allow it, as it is viewed as a blunt object too dangerous for the plane crew. The rule was not what made me angry, but the fact that it was never told to us, nor was it written anywhere I could see at the airport.)

Attendant: “I was going to to tell you in just a minute.”

Me: “Yes, thank you. But telling me now makes little difference to me, since now I need to take everything out of my suitcase and try to fit all this in, in a lot less time than I had at the hotel.”

(The worst part was when we got inside the airport and the stores were selling… guess what? Ceramics. And those could go inside your carry-on.)

(I work in a law office.)

Client: “Wait. I’ve just noticed that none of you wear good brand watches.”

Me: “So?”

Client: “How do I know I can trust you? You don’t have nice watches!”

Me: *to coworker* “Time to get knockoffs!”

(I just started working at a game store that has an upper floor where people can go play games in private, and can also order some snacks. My new boss is telling me that before closing time I must go and clean the gaming rooms.)

Boss: “Be sure to check everywhere. You’ll be surprised by the ways customers can dirty up the place.”

(I go ahead and clean up the place. I do find a surprise while doing so, and when finish, I relate to my boss:)

Me: “Seems one of the kids that was here earlier didn’t finish his cheese snack and, for whatever weird reason, decided that the best course of action was to stuff the half-finished bag inside the couch.”

Boss: *chuckles* “I wish I could tell you that’s the weirdest thing I’ve found.”

(My family gets together and we decide to eat pizza. My dad calls to place the order.)

Dad: “Yes, I’d like a meat lover’s pizza and a Hawaiian.”

Pizza Man: “All right, sir… Oh, I’m afraid we’re all out of cinnamon bread for your order, so, would you have any problems with getting the potatoes instead?”

Dad: “Well, of course, I do! I can’t have my coffee with potatoes!”

Pizza Man: “Uh, I’m terribly sorry, sir; we’re just all o—”

Dad: “Nah, man, I’m kidding. What kind of person would get mad over some bread?”

Pizza Man: “You’d be surprised, sir.”

(I am a waiter at a cafeteria. A man and a woman come in and sit. I give them the menus.)

Woman: “Excuse me. What is the espresso macchiato?”

Me: “It’s a cup of espresso with foamed milk.”

Woman: “I’ll have that. Big, please.”

Me: “There is only one size, miss. It’s small. Really small.”

Woman: “It’s okay.”

Me: “And for you, sir.”

Man: “Nothing for me, thanks. We’ll share.”

Me: “Are you sure? The espresso is a really, really small drink.”

(I point at the cup of another customer, who is having an espresso.)

Man: “That’s okay.”

(I take the order and send it in. I return with the tray with the small espresso cup on top. The woman has a disappointment expression on her face. The man just laughs.)

Man: “You were not kidding!”

Me: “No, it’s this small.”

(The woman whispers something to the man. They both stand up and leave. I tell them that they have to pay for the drink, since they already ordered it, and we already prepared it. The man pays for the espresso and gives the cup to the woman. The woman, kind of pissed, takes the cup, and when they exit the cafe she throws the cup on the bushes. My manager comes in, and the woman talks to him, not knowing he is my manager.)

Woman: “Don’t go in there; they try to scam you with the drinks.”

(My manager asked me about this after they left, and face-palmed when I explained.)