Right Working Romantic Related Learning Friendly Healthy Legal Inspirational Unfiltered

Move Over, Judge Judy; Here Comes Secretary TeacherMom

, , , | Right | December 30, 2021

I work at a gift shop. A young lady asks for my help.

Customer: “Do you have a mug or something that says, ‘Best Mom’? No, wait, a mug that says, ‘Best Teacher,’ in like, super cutesy font, the kind of thing you give to a kindergarten teacher?”

Me: “Sure, over here. Is your mom a kindergarten teacher?”

Customer: “No, she’s a court secretary. Says it’s like herding toddlers.”

WE WANT TO SEE THE DOG. WE WANT TO SEE THE DOG.

, , , , , , | Learning | March 26, 2021

We’re in a Zoom class. One of my classmates doesn’t mute her microphone before trying to get her dog to leave the room.

Classmate: “Out! No! No, girl! Out! Out! Bad girl, let go of that! No! No! Out! Vade retro, canus!”

My Cupholders Are So Deep Without All Those Coins!

, , , , , | Related | January 30, 2021

Day 294 of quarantine, yay. I’m paying for a delivery that doesn’t accept cards for whatever reason.

Me: “Hey, [Daughter], do you have change for a $100 bill?”

Daughter: “I haven’t even seen cash for almost a year.”

Brotherly Love Is Always Cool

, , , , | Related | April 18, 2020

I’ll be in a different country for a month because of a college project. I’m still living with my family, and my brother has some friends over as I’m walking out of the door with my suitcase. 

Trying to look cool in front of them, my brother barely acknowledges me as I wave goodbye. Then, one of his buddies slaps him on the shoulder.

Friend: “Dude! She’s going overseas, not to the corner store! At least give her a hug!”

I got my hug.

No Better Time For Wine

, , , , , | Related | April 13, 2020

I am quarantined at home with my family, given the current health situation. It’s pretty boring after a while, so I decide to rearrange the house. My daughter keeps me company with her laptop while I sort through the liquor cabinet.

Me: “Hey, baby, look! We have some [Expensive Wine]! We should open it one of these days, don’t you think?”

Daughter: “Hmm? Yeah, sure…”

Me: “I’m serious! Can’t let it go to waste; it’s pretty good.”

My daughter looks up from the screen, smirking.

Daughter: “Mama, that’s what you said when you got it. Every time we get a wine bottle, we just stick it in that cabinet for a couple of years and then regift it to someone. Face it; we’re pretty boring people.”

I can’t be mad at her. She’s right.