(A customer comes in and throws a bag of food at me.)

Customer: “It’s f****** cold! Your chicken is terrible and the bun is stale!”

Me: “Uh, this is–”

Customer: “No, shut up! You guys always f*** me over; you’re not getting away with it today!”

Me: “You didn’t–”

Customer: “Fine! Get your manager, if you won’t help me. Enjoy being fired, a**wipe!”

Another Customer: “You’re at [Fast Food Place], mate. You bought your food from [Rival Store], next door.”

Customer: “Oh.” *awkward silence* “Can I have that bag back?”

This story is part of our Oblivious Customers roundup!

Read the next Oblivious Customers roundup story!

Read the Oblivious Customers roundup!

(I’m a female. I’ve recently shaved my head for charity.)

Customer’s Son: “Mum, there’s a boy-lady!”

Customer: *distracted* “Is there darling?”

Customer’s Son: “Yes, at the counter.”

(The mother glares at me.)

Customer: “I see.”

Customer’s Son: “Can I be a boy-lady?”

Customer: “No. No, you cannot.”

(They finish what they’re doing and as they’re leaving the mother calls me over.)

Customer: “I don’t care what you do at home, but if you want to pass for female in public, buy a d*** wig. You’re corrupting the kids!”

This story is part of the Children-Behaving-Better-Than-Their-Parents roundup!

Read the next Children-Behaving-Better-Than-Their-Parents roundup story!

Read the Children-Behaving-Better-Than-Their-Parents roundup!

Did you find this story using our Harvey Milk Day roundup?

Click here to get back to it!

Click here to see the next story!

(I’m a new waiter and I’m alone during an afternoon shift when a customer calls.)

Customer: “I’m [Customer]. I’d like to order my usual for takeaway.”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, I’m new. Could you tell me what you would like to order?”

Customer: “My usual.”

Me: “I don’t know what that is, sir.”

Customer: “Just tell the kitchen that it’s for [Customer]. They’ll know what it is.”

Me: “Okay, but just in case they don’t know, could you tell me what your usual is?”

Customer: “Oh, they’ll know. I’m a regular.”

(He hangs up. Fifteen minutes later a man turns up in the restaurant.)

Customer: “I’m [Customer]. I ordered my usual over the phone.”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, the kitchen staff don’t know what your usual is so they weren’t able to make it.”

Customer: “But I’m a regular! They know who I am.”

Me: “They don’t. They cook whatever we tell them to cook. They never interact with the customers. If you would like to tell me what your usual is I could place your order.”

Customer: “Never mind.”

(The customer left. Later, I told the manager what happened. The manager laughed and said that that particular customer always ordered his usual which was whatever dish the staff member chose for him.)

Me: “…and a large Dew.”

Customer: “I’m sorry, did you just call me a Jew?”

Customer’s Wife: “But honey, you are a Jew.”

Me: “Oh, no, sorry. I meant a large Mountain Dew.”

Customer: “Oh, really? Really, I’m flattered but I’ve never been to the mountains.”

Me: “Ah, sorry?”

Customer: *comically bangs his fists against his chest* “I am the large mountain Jew!”

Customer’s Wife: * to me* “I am so sorry about him. Honestly, I can’t take him anywhere.”

Me: “Really, it’s fine.”

Customer: “The large mountain Jew goes anywhere he wants to!”

This story is part of our celebration of Not Always Right publishing over 100,000 stories!

This story is included in the roundup of absolute classic stories to toast this achievement!

<< Previous Story  |  Roundup  |  Next Story >>

(I work in the IT department, on part of the university’s website.)

Customer: “Can you help me? I tried to print out this webpage, and none of the images showed up!”

Me: “Sounds like it might be a problem with your printer.”

Customer: “Is it because the images are stuck inside the Internet and the printer can’t get them out?”

This story is part of the Technologically-Challenged roundup!

Read the next Technologically-Challenged roundup story!

Read the Technologically-Challenged roundup!