Scratching Is Believing

, , , , , | Right | March 11, 2010

(A customer appears at my elbow and grabs my arm.)

Customer: “You’re wearing too much make-up!”

Me: “I’m not wearing any makeup. I just have chapstick on my lips.”

Customer: “I don’t believe you!”

(Suddenly, the customer scratches her nail down my cheek and checks under it for make-up.)

Customer: “Oh, I guess you’re not. You have lovely skin.” *walks away*

(Her scratch left a huge red mark on my lovely skin that was still clearly visible three days later.)

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Defeats The Porpoise

, , , , , , | Right | January 27, 2010

Child: “Mister, how do the waves work?” *points to wave pool*

Me: “There are big machines out the back that make the waves, mate.”

Child: “But my daddy says there are dolphins in cages that make the waves.”

Me: “Sorry, buddy, no dolphins.”

(Ten minutes later…)

Father: “You told my son there aren’t any dolphins.”

Me: “There aren’t.”

Father: “This is false advertising! Where are the dolphins?! I was told there were dolphins!”

Me: “Nope, no dolphins.”

Father: *brief silence* “How about whales?”

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