Sick Of Puns

, , , , , , , | Healthy | February 18, 2019

(This happens to my dad when he is going back to nursing school in his sixties — a story in itself! One time a senior nursing instructor visits the class to give a “very important” presentation. This happens in the late 2000s, and both bird flu and swine flu are of major concern at the time as potential pandemics.)

Senior Instructor: *solemnly, and with a completely straight face* “I need to teach you how to recognize the difference between swine flu and bird flu. If it’s bird flu, you need a tweetment. If it’s swine flu, you need an oinkment!

(The entire class just about busted a gut laughing. My dad said in his entire time in nursing school, this particular instructor was always taciturn and businesslike and NEVER showed this sort of levity, except on this one remarkable occasion.)

Time To Reflect On Your Opinions

, , , , , , , | Learning | December 16, 2017

My dad has always been a man of strong opinions, and this was no different back when he was in medical school. One of his professors was super passionate about a subject my dad thought was dumb and unscientific, and shouted at anyone who dared to challenge him in class, so Dad decided to take a more… creative route.

This professor always closed the glass-paned classroom door and pulled the double-sided chalkboard to a very precise angle before beginning to teach. One day, he had just finished his little ritual when his students began to point towards the door and laugh.

The professor, noticing that his students were snickering, started looking around for what had amused them. He checked the door, the back wall, even the reverse side of his chalkboard, but saw only some “gibberish stuff, must be Russian or something.” Eventually he gave up and just taught his lesson, to the accompaniment of much laughter.

My dad had sneaked into the classroom before the lesson and written on the reverse side of the chalkboard, in mirror writing so it would reflect the right way around in the door, “DOWN WITH PSEUDOSCIENCE.”

As far as I’m aware, he was never caught!

Very Cutting Humor

| Newark, NJ, USA | Learning | August 29, 2013

(I’m part of a crowd of students attending a talk at a medical school.)

Speaker #1: “Welcome everyone. Those of us on the panel are going to take a minute to explain who we are and what we teach. My name is Dr. [name], and I teach nephrology; that’s the field of medicine concerned with the kidneys.”

Speaker #2: “I’m Dr. [name], and I’m the head of pediatrics. I’m sure most of you know what that is: the field of medicine that focuses on children.”

Speaker #3: “I’m [name]. I’m a surgeon.”

Speaker #1: “[Speaker #3], can you tell the audience a little about your field?”

Speaker #3: “PEOPLE-CHOPPIN’!”

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An Outbreak Of Stupidity

, | Newark, NJ, USA | Learning | July 1, 2013

(I’m on a tour of the medical facility’s infectious disease wing along with a number of other undergraduate students. We’re passing a window looking into a BSL-3 lab where researchers are decked out in head to toe isolation suits.)

Student #1: “What’s in there?”

Guide: “That’s the level 3 lab. They’re studying viruses that are too dangerous for the regular lab.”

Student #2: “Can we see that room?”

Guide: “Sure! If you gather around this window I can try to tell you what they’re doing. That’s Dr. [name] in front, she studies—”

Student #2: “No, like, inside.”

Guide: *laughing* “Sure, just set aside a few months for training with the suits.”

Student #1: “No, like, just peek in the door.”

Guide: *realizing they’re serious* “No, it’s incredibly dangerous.”

Student #2: “Aw, what’s the worst that could happen?”

Guide: “We could all die.”

(They’re silent. Another researcher enters through the hallway next to us.)

Guide: “Hey, Dr. [name], what’s the worst thing that could happen if the level 3 door opened?”

Doctor: “We could all die.”

Student #2: “FINE!”

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