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That Explains The Water Shortage

, , | Right | July 14, 2021

I am a medical assistant, which involves calling patients for various reasons. I leave a message for a patient. Three days pass before the patient finally calls me back.

Patient: “I’m sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower.”

This All Sounds Totally Normal

, , , , , | Healthy | July 9, 2021

I’ve had some worrying symptoms, so I go to see a new doctor for the first time. I recently lost my insurance and then the health crisis hit, so I haven’t had a primary care provider in some time. As suspected, the doctor orders some bloodwork.

Me: “Will this require me to fast? Because if I don’t, fair warning, my liver enzymes will be high.”

Doctor: “What do you mean?”

Me: “Any time I take a blood test and I’m not required to fast, my liver enzymes are always reported as abnormally high.”

Doctor: “And your previous doctor never bothered to try and figure out why that is?”

Me: “No, they would just order another test, have me fast, and then go, ‘You’re normal.’”

The doctor rolls her eyes in annoyance at this.

Doctor: “Okay, but… why wouldn’t they check that?” *Sighs* “Don’t fast for this one, but I’m going to have to have that checked out… like somebody should have a while ago.”

Wasting Time Moaning About Time Wasted

, , , | Right | July 7, 2021

I work the front desk of my doctor’s office, which usually takes three or four office admin, but we’ve been short-staffed to two for the past month.

My coworker is called out on an emergency one day, leaving me alone to run check-in which is usually done by phones, checkout, phones, and billing. As such, I try to answer phones between patients, but I have had to put most of them on hold.

One lady stands in line watching me while she’s on her phone.

Me: “Yes, ma’am. Checking in or out?” 

Woman: *Hanging her phone up* “I wondered how fast you’d get to me on the phone if I didn’t come in to check in.”

Me: “I do apologize for that, ma’am. I’m the only one working the front desk this afternoon.”

Woman: “You should have notified people of that, then.”

Me: “Again, I apologize. My coworker was called out due to a family emergency.”

Woman: “I sat out there for twenty minutes and couldn’t get through. You could have just told me beforehand to come on in, you know. I was on hold for ten minutes and you never picked up.”

She was on hold for three minutes, but I agree it was too long a wait.

Me: “Yes, ma’am. And your name?”

Woman: “You wasted my time and almost made me late for my appointment. I hope I don’t have to wait long for the doctor now.”

Me: “You are third in waiting. What’s your name?”

Woman: “[Woman]. How long am I going to have to wait now?”

Me: “I can’t give you an exact time, ma’am, and I do apologize again for the delay.”

Woman: “Next time, answer the phones.”

The woman behind her speaks up to her daughter.

Woman #2: “Imagine being so self-centered that you waste other people’s time complaining about your own time being wasted because the office worker is having to do everything on her own. How sad.”

The patient in front of me turned red and went back outside. I assume it was to sit in her car until a nurse called her. Apparently, she drove off because we embarrassed her.

Someone Owes You Another Massage

, , , , | Healthy | July 5, 2021

A few years ago, I had my annual physical done, including all sorts of samples to be handed in. The next day, I went to my massage therapist and had extensive work done on my shoulders, neck, and back. Feeling much more relaxed, I went outside and found a voicemail on my phone.

Voicemail: “This is the receptionist from [Doctor] calling. He says he’s gotten your test results in and wants you to come in as soon as you can.”

Instantly fearing the worst, and undoing the stress-relief from my massage, I manage to book an appointment for that same afternoon.

Doctor: “It’s nothing major; your fluid levels are just a little low. I want you to drink more water and it should correct itself.”

Thanks, receptionist. And yes, drinking more water did help.

Do You Know What “Volunteer” Means?

, , , , , , | Healthy | July 3, 2021

I used to take part in clinical trials for a little extra cash. The trials were easy; they usually involved visiting the clinic for about an hour a day over a week, testing different lotions on our legs to see how well they moisturized. Everyone who participated had to fill out a form at the very beginning. Apart from the usual disclaimers, it said that we were volunteers and we would be paid a certain amount of money for our time. As far as I was concerned, I was being paid grocery money to do next to nothing, and I was glad for the opportunity.

One day, about halfway through the trial, one of the other participants suddenly spoke up.

Participant: *Loudly* “You know what I just realized? We’re only being paid [total] for [time] hours. That’s not even minimum wage!”

She looked around the room with a self-satisfied expression, obviously expecting us to agree with her. No one said anything. In fact, we all pretty much pretended that we hadn’t heard her. Irritated by the lack of response, she said:

Participant: *Even more loudly* “They’re taking advantage of us! We should ask for more money!”

Along came a clinic employee, and I inwardly cringed. I’d done several of these trials, and I’d seen this lady before. She had NO tolerance for fools.

Employee: “I understand that you have a complaint?”

Participant: “Uh… Well, you’re not even paying us minimum wage.”

Employee: “That’s right. Remember that form you signed which said that you’re a volunteer? Volunteers, as a rule, don’t get paid, but we are paying you [total].”

Participant: “…”

Employee: “So. Do you still have a complaint?”

Participant: *Meekly* “No.”

Employee: “Good.”

She walked away, and I didn’t hear another peep from that participant.