I am a volunteer vaccine marshall. My colleagues work hard to make sure as many people are vaccinated as quickly and smoothly as possible. We do almost every part of the process except check the patients in when they arrive and actually inject the vaccine.

Today, we have both of the vaccines currently offered by the NHS. One is preferred by most of those who have read about it. I agree it’s the superior vaccine, as do most experts, but either will keep you safe. My job today is to take people from the waiting room to a vaccination room, so I actually get to decide who gets which vaccine. But I have been told that individuals don’t get to choose; they should take whichever vaccine they are offered.

Because I want to be fair, I decide on a rule of how to direct the patients into the two vaccination rooms, so I am not actually making that decision; it’s random depending on when you come to the front of the queue. People go to whichever room has a space. If both rooms have a space, then I direct the patients to the “better” vaccine room until it’s full again, and then the next patients go to the other room. 

While both rooms are fully occupied, I hear a man go to the doctor working check-in and have an increasingly animated discussion with him about why he should get the “better” vaccine. The doctor is stoic, never admitting there are two being offered today, and not allowing him to choose. Meanwhile, as the argument continues, spaces open in his preferred vaccine room. I fill them according to my rules. When the argumentative man finally gives up arguing and joins those in the waiting area, I pick him out when his turn comes up and send him to the only room that is accepting patients at that moment, which is not the vaccine he wanted. 

If I hadn’t spent so long arguing for the other vaccine, he would have got it!

I am seeing my primary care physician.

Doctor: “You really need to start taking a multivitamin.”

The following year, I see them again.

Doctor: “Why on earth are you taking a multivitamin?! All you’re doing is making your pee expensive.”

When my nan was still alive, she had a doctor that she had been going to for many years. He was a nice bloke, friendly, and competent at his job.

His name? Doctor Seewright.

His occupation? Optometrist.

You can’t make this stuff up.

I’m having chest pains after eating, and it finally becomes bad enough that I go to the doctor. I’m a rather tall 240 pounds. I’m sitting in the exam area waiting for someone to come in when the doctor walks in, looking at a chart.

Doctor: “Mr. [My Name], your problem is that you’re grossly… Wait. You’re 6’9″. I was going to say that you’re obese but you’re not, are you? I guess I’d better examine you.”

After actually examining me and talking to me, I get meds for GERD. But he sure was quick to dismiss me in the beginning.

I was on antidepressants five to eight years ago but have been off them for a few years. Recently, however, I haven’t been coping and my friends have encouraged me to make a doctor’s appointment. When I try to book online and select “mental health consultation,” the website tells me I can’t book this appointment type online and will have to call their office. After getting up the nerve to make the phone call…

Me: “Hi, I’d like to make an appointment for a mental health consultation.”

Receptionist: “Okay. What was your name?”

Me: “[My Name].”

Receptionist: “I notice that you used to see [Doctor #1]. He doesn’t consult here anymore. If you’d like to see him, you’ll have to call his current practice.”

I feel like she is about to hang up on me. I’m actually glad that [Doctor #1] doesn’t work there anymore as he refused to prescribe me medication for months the first time around, and I know medication is what I need once again.

Me: “No, that’s okay. I can see any doctor.”

Receptionist: “All right, I have nothing this week. How about next Wednesday at 3:00 pm?”

Me: “That’s perfect. Thank you.”

Receptionist: “Okay, you’re booked in with [Doctor #2] for next Wednesday, second December.”

Two hours later, I receive a missed call from the doctor’s office and have to get up the courage to call again. The same receptionist answers, though she obviously has no recollection of the previous call. After verifying who I am…

Receptionist: “Now, unfortunately, we will have to reschedule your appointment as [Doctor #2] is going away next week and will be away for quite some time, two to three months. What was the appointment for?”

Me: “It was a mental health consultation.”

Receptionist: “I see. Is it urgent? Do you want to wait until she gets back from overseas?”

I don’t even know [Doctor #2]!

Me: “No, that’s fine. I can see any doctor.”

Receptionist: “All right, I can get you in for the same day, a bit later. What was the reason we had you down to see both a doctor and a nurse?”

Me: “I don’t know. You booked it that way.”

Receptionist: “Let’s make it 3:45 on the same day so that you can see both [Doctor #3] and a nurse.”

Me: *Gives up* “Okay, thank you.”

Seriously? I’m sure you make dozens of appointments each day so you wouldn’t necessarily remember mine, but there is no way you didn’t know two hours ago that one of your practitioners was going to be away for months! And I understand that there may be some reasons why you can’t book a mental health consultation online, but then why isn’t it marked as one when the booking is made over the phone? And no, mental health appointments can NEVER be pushed back by months. And I still don’t know why I’m seeing a nurse.