Respect Goes Both Ways

| Austin, TX, USA | Crazy Requests, Time

Patient: “I have an appointment with Dr. [Name].”

Me: “All right…”

(The patient has missed over half her appointment, so I know the doctor won’t see her, but I go ask anyway.)

Me: “Unfortunately, Dr. [Name] won’t be able to see you since you were over twenty minutes late for a forty minute appointment. We’ll have to reschedule.”

Patient: “I don’t want to see Dr. [Name], then. I want to see a different doctor that will respect his patient’s time.”

Me: “…”

Blood Still Flowing Where It Counts

| Sacramento, CA, USA | Uncategorized

(I am taking vitals on an elderly patient, preparing him to see the doctor. His wife is in the exam room with us. I’ve just taken his blood pressure, which comes out unusually low.)

Me: “[Patient], your blood pressure is rather low.”

Patient: “Well… you just need to get sexier, then!”

(His poor wife was mortified, but I thought it was hilarious!)

Fought The Customer With Expert Timing

| Omaha, NE, USA | Language & Words, Musical Mayhem

(I work in a medical clinic and I have a little fun with a patient one day when she complains her kids keep “kung fu-ing” her front door.)

Patient: “They just kept kung fu-ing the door and I kept telling them to stop.”

Me: “Oh, so, everybody was kung fu fighting?”

Patient: “Yes, and I told them to just swing at the air, not hit the door.”

Me: “Were they fast as lightning?”

Patient: “No, and it was scary, I thought they were gonna wreck my door.”

Me: “I bet it was a little bit frightening.”

Patient:“Yes, I thought they were gonna wreck my door!”

Me:“Hey, [Patient], c’mon, I just gave the first part of the song. Don’t leave me hangin’ here”.

Patient: “I know, but I don’t know the rest of the song!”