Can’t Finnish What She Started

, , , , , | Right Romantic | March 7, 2019

(I work with an EMS group and we are taking people’s blood pressure for free. I am taking an older woman’s blood pressure. I am a young, white, blonde, blue-eyed guy.)

Woman: “Are you finished?”

Me: “No, I just started.”

Woman: “No, no. Are you Finnish? My granddaughter is Finnish—“ *points to her beautiful, blonde granddaughter* “—and she is single.”

Me: “Oh, no, sorry. I’m married.”

Customer Next To Me: “I’m Finnish!”

(I bet you $5 he wasn’t.)

You’ve Got Male, But Not Babies

, , , , , , | Healthy | March 7, 2019

(I am a trans guy, currently at the doctor’s office for an ear infection. The person I’m seeing about it is the nurse practitioner, our practice’s head nurse.)

Nurse: “Are you sexually active?”

Me: “Yes.”

Nurse: “Is there a chance you could be pregnant?”

Me: “Nope.”

Nurse: “I know your partner is male; you could be pregnant.”

Me: “I’m not.”

Nurse: “Just because you think you’re a man, that doesn’t mean you can’t get pregnant.”

Me: “Not pregnant.”

Nurse: “You still have female anatomy. Quit pretending you don’t. All you people are like this, thinking you can’t get pregnant because you think you’re not a girl. I’m giving you a pregnancy test.”

Me: “I had a hysterectomy last year; my medical records are in front of you.”

Nurse: “That doesn’t matter. You people are all like this. I’m giving you a pregnancy test.”

Doesn’t Get How Taking Messages Works

, , , , | Right | March 5, 2019

(I work at a physician’s specialty office as a new patient scheduler and I am reaching out to a patient to schedule their appointment. Unfortunately, the information the referring office sent me contained an incorrect cell phone number. This is the conversation I have with said caller:)

Me: “Hello. May I please speak to [Patient]?”

Caller: “No, you have the wrong number, but can I take a message?”

Me: “You can’t take a message if this is the wrong number.”

Caller: “Oh.”

(It was a much-needed laugh after a very long and stressful day.)

That’s Not How Not Working Works

, , , , | Healthy | March 3, 2019

(I work at a multi-doctor cardiology office as a receptionist. This story comes directly from my coworker, who sits beside my station.)

Coworker: “Thank you for calling [Clinic]. How can I help you?”

Caller: “Yeah, I have a return-to-work form that needs to be filled out. Can your doctor get it done for me today?”

Coworker: “Which doctor do you see at our office?”

Caller: “I don’t see anyone up there.”

Coworker: “You would have to be a patient up here for any of the doctors to fill out.”

Caller: “So, they can’t fill it out for me?”

Coworker: “No, you’re not a patient here. They wouldn’t know if you can return to work or not.”

Caller: “Well, can I see one of the doctors today?”

Coworker: “They wouldn’t be able to see you today, no. What do you need the signature for, anyway?”

Caller: “I hurt my leg.”

Coworker: “I don’t think a cardiologist can sign on a leg injury unless it’s vein related. You may need your primary doctor to sign it.”Caller: “I don’t have a doctor. I just wanted someone to sign my letter so I don’t have to work.”

We Have A Title For People Like You, Too

, , , , | Right | March 1, 2019

(I answer the phone.)

Me: “Good morning. This is Doctor [My Name]. How can I help you today?”

Caller: “Well, I had heard good things about you, and I wanted to be your patient. But you used your title. That makes you a snob and far too professional for me.” *hangs up*

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