I Hear Peru Is Lovely This Time Of Year

, , , , , | Healthy | November 29, 2020

When my oldest son is a baby, I take him to the doctor for one of his early checkups. A nurse comes out to the lobby and announces a name.

Nurse: “Leema?”

My appointment time has passed, so I am paying close attention and wonder if that could be for my son, whose name is Liam. I don’t think anyone could mess it up that much, so I wait until the nurse has announced the name multiple times and no one has responded.

Finally:

Me: “Do you mean Liam?”

She looks at the paper.

Nurse: “No, it’s Leema.”

I figure I was wrong and she continues to call out “Leema” a few more times. Finally, she comes up to me.

Nurse: “What name did you say earlier?”

Me: “It’s Liam.”

It was for us. She was quite a scatterbrain; in the following years I had a few more kids and took them all to the same doctor, and that nurse was always a little different. I still sometimes call my son Leema.

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They’re Not As Sharp As A Paper Cut

, , , | Right | November 23, 2020

I work as a medical receptionist. On my desk is a bottle of hand sanitizer. Over the label, I’ve taped a printed-out label that says, “Paper cut finder.”

Most patients who see it either laugh or make a jokey comment about it. I have had a handful of people say the following in all seriousness.

Patient: “Paper cut finder? What is that for?”

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Unfiltered Story #216070

, , | Unfiltered | November 22, 2020

The Unhealthy Health Clinic

A mobile health clinic comes to town and sets up in a local community building. One of the services they offer is a blood test. You have to fast 14 hours before taking the test. The test will show, among other things, your cholesterol, and triglycerides, which can be symptoms of impending circulatory and heart disease. [ok, that’s an over-simplification]
After the test is over, you are ushered into another room where they have…coffee and donuts!

Unfiltered Story #216064

, | Unfiltered | November 22, 2020

I am working at the eye doctor’s office as assistant. I am fairly new but I know enough to operate the front desk. This is the last day with a coworker helping me. Today one of our doctors has laser surgery hours and because of that, there are several patients from other offices, since not every eye doctor does the laser surgery. In Germany you have to bring a referral, everytime you go to a different doctor than you usually do. This particular patient doesn’t seem to get this.
Coworker: So, do you have your referral with you?
Patient: No? Why?
Coworker: Well, because you’re just here for the laser surgery, you should bring one from your general doctor so we can bill everything correctly. You can send it to us or, if you didn’t get one in the first place, just ask your doctor to send it to us himself.
Patient: Since when? Why do you keep making up new things?
Coworker: We don’t make things up. It has been like this since I started here and that was 6 years ago.
Patient(getting irate): WELL, I never had to bring one and you are really getting on my nerves now.
Coworker: I’m sorry, but we really need the referral. Anyways, you don’t even have to come again, as I said, you can just send it by mail…
Patient: I AM NOT COMING HERE AGAIN FOR YOUR STUPID PAPERS! YOU ALWAYS FIND NEW WAYS TO HARASS ME!
Coworker: I am not trying to harass y-
Patient: JUST DO YOUR F*****G JOB!
At this point I’ve had enough and I see that this is going nowhere, so I give it one last try.
Me: LISTEN. TO. ME. Everytime when a patient goes to a different doctor than he usually does, this doctor needs a referal. You don’t have to bring it in yourself, you can send it to us by mail. Do you get me?
Patient (finally understanding):…alright.
He sits in the waiting area and then goes into the doctors room. While he is in there, my coworker realizes that he will also be coming to us for check-up in two weeks. When he comes up to us to leave, she adresses him again.
Coworker: I just saw you will be coming in two weeks anyways for check-up, so you can bring your referral with you then.
Patient: F*** YOU!

Unfiltered Story #216048

, | Unfiltered | November 21, 2020

I went to the health clinic with a suspected UTI and back pain in the kidney area. I waited for 40 minutes before the doctor finally called me. He then berated me for not having some tests done: those are ordered by the doctor before planned visits. I was an emergency visit and thus couldn’t order the tests myself. He sighed and screamed as he ordered the tests and then sent me off with orders to return ASAP.

I was back less than 5 minutes later and found the room to the examination room wide open with my medical file open on the computer or anyone to see, which is a violation. The doctor was missing, though.

I waited for 15 minutes before he strolled out from the staff room. Back in the room he sneered and told me that I was fat. Fat chicks cry a lot. And eat a lot. He then began imitating stuffing himself with cupcakes and how the fat chicks cried during their visits. He also bragged about how he great he was at scaring away stuffy old ladies who thought that he was odd and told me about his vacation where he swam (cue to him running around in the room flapping his arms) and smacking as he reminisced about eating apfel strudels. When he screeched once more about my weight I walked out.

Three days later I discussed the doctor’s visit with my therapist, who told me that Doctor Nutcase had been fired the previous day.