Intelligence Is Not In Their Blood

, | Morinville, AB, Canada | Health & Body

(A friend and I are at a local trade show, and there’s a booth from the blood clinic there. The nurse is explaining what they do, and even do a quick blood test so you can learn your blood type. As we’re chatting with her, she tell us about this one person who came by her booth earlier that day to get tested.)

Man: “Dude, I hope I have the rarest blood type!”

Nurse: “If you do, I’m going to throw you in my car and take you over to the clinic to donate a pint right now!”

Man: “WHAT? Why would you do that to me?”

Nurse: “Think about it. The rarest blood type is the type we need the most.”

Man: “Oh. Then, I hope I have the most common type.”

Not A Morning Person

| OH, USA | Extra Stupid, Popular, Time

(I am a receptionist in a doctor’s office. A patient has finished seeing the doctor, and as approached my desk to make another follow up appointment.)

Me: “Hi there, [First Name]. It looks like you need to come back in a month. Do you have a day of the week that you like better than another?”

Patient: “Nope! I’m retired now and free as a bird! Any day of the week is fine.”

Me: “Okay, I have the 12th of next month; that’s a Tuesday.”

Patient: “Oh, no, Tuesdays are no good. I have charity meetings on Tuesdays.”

Me: “Okay, how about the next day, the 13th? That’s a Wednesday.”

Patient: “Ooooo, you know what? I get my hair done on Wednesdays.”

Me: “How about the 14th, Thursday?”

Patient: “No, Thursdays aren’t good, either. I babysit my granddaughters on Thursdays. How about that Friday?”

Me: “Okay, Friday the 15th it is. Would you like a morning or an afternoon appointment?”

Patient: “As early as possible.”

Me: “You’re in luck; I have a slot available on the 15th at 8 am.”

Patient: “Oh, gosh, no! That’s much too early. How about around lunchtime?”

(She does this every time she’s in. You’d think I would have learned by now!)

Too Busy To Notice

| USA | Health & Body

(I am a receptionist at a medical imaging clinic. In addition to our regularly scheduled exams, we do x-rays on a walk-in basis. It is a very busy day and our waiting room is completely full and noisy, and there is also a line of patients waiting to check in. An elderly lady comes in and approaches the desk when it’s her turn.)

Elderly Lady: *completely serious* “Are you busy today?”

Me: *pause* “No…”

MRI: Moronically Resisting Information

| USA | Extra Stupid, Health & Body, Technology, Trigger Story

(I work in an outpatient medical imaging facility where we do MRIs, X-rays, ultrasounds, etc. Every exam we do must be ordered by a physician. These physicians oftentimes don’t know the machinery like we do and sometimes answer their patients’ questions incorrectly. For reference: an MRI machine is a long tube with both ends being open. An open MRI machine is open on three sides and is easier for claustrophobic patients to handle. This patient calls in with some questions before her exam.)

Patient: “My doctor told me your machine was an open MRI.”

Me: “I’m sorry; he was mistaken. Our machine is the regular tube-like kind.”

Patient: “But he said it was open!”

Me: *knowing this doctor knows our machine is not the open kind* “I’m sorry, but it’s not. I don’t know why he would have told you that.”

Patient: “I’m severely claustrophobic! I can’t be in a tube!”

Me: “I understand. I’d recommend talking to your doctor about taking some kind of sedation. Most of our claustrophobic patients can get through their exam when they’ve taken a mild sedative beforehand. Your doctor would need to prescribe that for you.”

Patient: “But he said it was an open MRI!”

Me: “Yes… I understand he said that, but I’m sorry. It’s not.”

Patient: “I’m claustrophobic! I can’t go in that little tube!”

Me: “You could go to [Local Hospital] and have your MRI there. They can do complete sedation, which is unfortunately something we do not offer. Again, you would need to talk to your doctor about that.”

Patient: “But he specifically told me your machine was an open MRI! I can’t do the tube!”

(We go on in circles like this for a few minutes, she saying her doctor told her our machine was open and me reiterating that it isn’t. Finally, I get fed up.)

Me: “Ma’am, we’re not going to make you have this exam. If you feel you can’t handle our machine, we are not going to force you to get into it. I’ve told you it is not an open MRI and I’ve given you several options for handling your claustrophobia during the exam. I don’t know what it is you want me to do.”

Patient: “My doctor said your machine is an open MRI!”

Me: *head-desk*

 

Dear readers! This story was originally submitted without a title, to encourage you to come up with a witty submission yourselves. After considering the many amazing suggestions in the comments section, we have come up with the title above. Thank you all for participating; we had a blast reading them!

Has An A-Gender With The DNA

| TX, USA | Bizarre, Health & Body

(I help manage a small clinic that does various types of tests. Today, we receive a very bizarre phone call.)

Client: “Hello. Do you do DNA testing?”

Me: “Yes, we do DNA testing. Do you need a test that is admissible in court?”

Client: “No. I just want to know if you do DNA testing.”

Me: “Yes. We do DNA tests.”

Client: “I get that. I just want to know if you do DNA testing.”

Me: “I apologize, ma’am, but what in particular are you needing with the DNA? I guess I am just not understanding what in particular you need.”

Client: “You know. DNA. I need a test for DNA. I’m pregnant and I’m having a baby boy. I need a DNA test. I need you to tell me the gender of my baby.”

Me: “Oh. You just need a test to verify the gender?”

Client: “No. I need to find out if it’s a boy or girl. I’m pregnant with a baby boy and I need to know if it’s a boy or girl.”

Me: “Umm… I see. I’m sorry, ma’am, but we do not do gender tests here.”

Client: “But you do DNA. You can tell me the gender of my baby before it is born.”

Me: “No. I’m sorry. We can do DNA to find out who the father is but, we do not do gender-typing on an unborn baby. Your gynecologist can help with that.”

Client: “Oh. Thank you.”

(I’m still not entirely certain what it was she needed.)

Page 4/16First...23456...Last