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Has An A-Gender With The DNA

| TX, USA | Bizarre, Health & Body

(I help manage a small clinic that does various types of tests. Today, we receive a very bizarre phone call.)

Client: “Hello. Do you do DNA testing?”

Me: “Yes, we do DNA testing. Do you need a test that is admissible in court?”

Client: “No. I just want to know if you do DNA testing.”

Me: “Yes. We do DNA tests.”

Client: “I get that. I just want to know if you do DNA testing.”

Me: “I apologize, ma’am, but what in particular are you needing with the DNA? I guess I am just not understanding what in particular you need.”

Client: “You know. DNA. I need a test for DNA. I’m pregnant and I’m having a baby boy. I need a DNA test. I need you to tell me the gender of my baby.”

Me: “Oh. You just need a test to verify the gender?”

Client: “No. I need to find out if it’s a boy or girl. I’m pregnant with a baby boy and I need to know if it’s a boy or girl.”

Me: “Umm… I see. I’m sorry, ma’am, but we do not do gender tests here.”

Client: “But you do DNA. You can tell me the gender of my baby before it is born.”

Me: “No. I’m sorry. We can do DNA to find out who the father is but, we do not do gender-typing on an unborn baby. Your gynecologist can help with that.”

Client: “Oh. Thank you.”

(I’m still not entirely certain what it was she needed.)

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Should Have Done The Scan For Leftover Customers

| Australia | Crazy Requests, Health & Body

(We close on Saturdays at 12 pm. It is 11:55 am and the last patient has left. I lock the doors and settle everything. The radiographer turns the machines off. I have my bag in my hand. It is now 12 pm.)

Customer: “Hello.”

(I look around alarmed. A woman slowly walks up to me.)

Me: “Ah, hello.”

Customer: “I saw Dr [Name] today and he said I can have an X-ray today.”

(I recall a call from Dr Name at 11 am and a patient stating the same thing arrived. I had no idea there was more than one.)

Me: “Yes, that was at eleven. When did you get here?”

(And how did she get through the locked doors?)

Customer: “I’ve been here since 11:30; I’ve just been in the bathroom.”

(The radiographer sees and gives me a panicked ‘everything is turned off already’ look and stands beside me.)

Me: “I’m so sorry. We just closed. I was expecting you earlier. We can do Monday, definitely!”

Customer: “The doctor said you can do me today.”

Me: “And we could have if you came up before closing. Unfortunately, we have turned off the X-ray machine and are unable to do any more scans.”

Customer: “My doctor said you would do it today! It’s urgent; I don’t know what’s wrong with me.”

Radiographer: “Even if we scanned you today there are no reports because we have no radiologist on the weekends.”

(The radiographer continued repeating what I was saying in every polite way as I notice Customer #2 at the front struggling with the door. She waves me over. I open the door a crack seeing she is distressed.)

Customer #2: “My doctor called and said you would do my scan for me!”

Me: “Unfortunately, we closed at 12 pm. All calls I got were around 11 am.”

Customer #2: “I need the scan done! He said you’re going to do it!”

(She grabs the door and tries to push it open, but my foot is lodged behind it and it doesn’t budge. Shocked at the aggression, I repeat once again we are closed and shut the door. She walks away in a huff. I return to the first customer.)

Me: “If it’s urgent I know the emergency department always has scanning available with reporting.”

(Customer #1 left, defeated. The radiographer and I sighed and headed home at 12:20 pm. Funny how every time I mention to patients that the emergency department is available after hours their scan is suddenly not as urgent.)

Try To Keep Pace With The Questions

| NSW, Australia | Health & Body, Technology

(I work as a receptionist for a radiology practice, and we need to go through a list of safety questions before a patient can go in for their scan. An old woman and her daughter/carer walk in.)

Daughter: “Hello, my mother has an appointment today.”

Me: “No problem. First I need to go through a list of implants or devices she may have in her body, and I just need a ‘yes’ or ‘no’ answer to whether she has them.”

Daughter: “No, no, no! My mother doesn’t have anything! She’s just as God made her!”

Me: “Ma’am, this is protocol. It’s important to ask each question…”

Daughter: “Don’t bother; the answer is “no” to everything.”

Me: “Okayyy…” *notes this down on form*

Patient: “Well, I do have a pacemaker. Will that be a problem?”

(She was about to get an MRI. That could kill a patient!)

‘X’ Marks The Stupid

, | NY, USA | Extra Stupid

(I work as part of the front desk staff at a medical office. In order to treat patients they must first sign consent forms, which can vary based on what procedure one is getting. Our standard forms have all the options and we mark where the patient must sign/initial with a red “X” to make it very clear, as well as informing the patient to sign anywhere they see these red “X”s.)

Patient: “Do I have to sign all of these?”

Me: “No, only where there’s a red ‘X.’”

Patient: “So all of these?”

Me: “No, there are only two red ‘X’s there. That’s where you sign.”

Patient: “So I don’t have to sign all of the other ones?”

Me: “No… Only where it’s indicated.”

(After returning the forms to me, I saw that she signed everywhere EXCEPT where I had told her to. I had to ask her to step back up the desk and then physically pointed out each place to sign.)

Has No Patience To Be A Patient

| Australia | Crazy Requests, Health & Body

(It is a very slow day so the doctor is hanging out at the reception desk. The receptionist is new. There is a phone call.)

Caller: “Does your clinic prescribe [common drug of addiction]?”

Receptionist: “Hang on; I’ll check.” *to Doctor* “Do we prescribe [common drug of addiction]?”

Doctor: “Not to new patients.”

Receptionist: *to Caller*  “Not to new patients.”

Caller: “Oh, okay. I’m having no luck today!” *click*

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