I work in a healthcare call center.

Caller: “I need to know my medical results.”

Me: “May I please have your name, date of birth, and your policy number or address?”

Caller: “Ooooh! I have all that ready to go! I know you need all that because otherwise it would be a hippo violation, right?”

Me: “That’s… right. Thank you for being prepared.”

Caller: “My name is [Full Name], I was born on [Date of birth], and my policy number is [Number]. I pass the hippo test now, right?”

Me: “That’s right! Thank you!”

The caller got their medical results, and the hungry, hungry hippos remained satisfied.

I had a telehealth appointment scheduled at 10 AM with my specialist. I used some of my sick time to take the morning off and get ready. At 9:30 AM, someone from the practice called. I didn’t recognize her name or voice, so I can only assume she is fairly new.

Receptionist: “Hi, this is [Name] from [Practice]. Your doctor is running a little behind, so we have to bump you to 1 PM.”

Me: “Oh. Okay…”

Receptionist: “You’ll get a new email with a new link closer to the new time.”

Me: “Okay, thank you.”

I called my boss and explained what was going on, and he agreed I could just work from home and log my half-day that way. At 12:45 PM, I had not yet received my new link, so I called the office. They were, of course, closed for lunch until 1 PM. I called again right at 1 PM.

Me: “Hi, this is [My Name], I have a 1 PM appointment with [Doctor], but I haven’t received my link.”

Receptionist: *Condescending.* “That’s because it was 10 AM, not 1 PM.”

Me: *Matching her tone.* “Not according to when you called me at 9:30 AM this morning.”

Receptionist: “One moment.” *Hold music plays for a few minutes.* “Okay, we can reschedule you for 3 PM.”

Me: “But was my first appointment rescheduled or not? Because—”

Receptionist: “—You are now scheduled for 3 PM. You will receive a link closer to that time.”

She hung up before I could say anything else. At 2:50 PM, I finally got a new link… for my appointment at 1 PM. So, I called again!

Me: “Hi, I’m very confused by this telehealth system. You called this morning and said my 10 AM was moved to 1 PM, then when I didn’t get the link, you said it was not moved, but you could reschedule me for 3 PM. I just got a link right now for a 1 PM appointment.”

Receptionist: “Okay?”

Me: “If I use this 1 PM link, is it going to work at 3 PM?”

Receptionist: “No.”

I wait a few seconds, thinking she was going to say something helpful…

Me: “Okay, so—”

Receptionist: “—If you have an appointment at 3 PM, the reminder email, the reminder texts, and the link will all say 3 PM.”

Me: “Okay, but—”

Receptionist: “—The link will be provided. Have a good day.”

She hangs up again. By 3:15 PM, I still don’t have this alleged new link, so I give up. Around 4 PM, the doctor calls.

Doctor: “Hey [My Name], I’m sorry about today. We have a new receptionist, and she was trying to be helpful by spacing the appointments out, but… well, do you have time to talk right now?”

Me: “Sure.”

The whole call lasted eighteen minutes, and I was done. I have not heard that receptionist on a call or seen her in the office since.

It was 2014, and I had just lost my job. I was in the process of looking for a new one, but didn’t have much money saved to pay bills in the meantime, so I asked my father if I could borrow $1200 just to get me through to the next month, and I would pay him back as soon as I started working again.

He sent the money, I paid my bills, and got a new job shortly after. As soon as I had the money to pay him back, I used my bank’s online bill pay option to send him a check. I sent him a text and told him it was on the way, and just assumed that was the end of it.

Well, a week went by, and he hadn’t gotten it. I thought maybe it took a few days for the bank to actually process the bill pay option because I hadn’t used it before. I asked him to just wait a few more days and see if it came.

Several days later, it still hadn’t gotten there, so I called the bank and asked them, and they told me I could stop payment on it for free, so I did. Then I just wrote a personal check and mailed it. I just assumed something went wrong with the online bill pay.

About two months later, I got a check in the mail from a medical facility in the state my father lives in for $1200.

I called and asked them about it, and they told me, on a recorded line, that it was an overpayment on an account my father had with them, and it was a legitimate check and was mine to keep.

At that point, I didn’t associate it with the bill pay thing I had tried to do a couple of months before. I did call my father to ask about his accounts with this place because there was no reason they should have my address to send me an overpayment if he had actually made one. He had no idea what was going on because he hadn’t used that facility in a few years.

I looked up the place on Google, and finally it dawned on me what had happened.

My father’s address was on ‘Saddlewood Drive’ at that point in time. But when I typed it into Bill Pay, my phone autocorrected it to ‘Sandalwood,’ and it just happened to be the same numerical address, and because my father’s name was listed as the payee, they erroneously attempted to apply it to his account.

So that’s where my check had gone.

I tried to call them again and explain what happened, and the lady on the phone was extremely rude to me. She told me, “I’ve already talked to you about this. I don’t know why you’re calling again. We sent you what we owed you. This account is settled, and we will not be talking about it again.” Again, this is a recorded line. I asked if she was sure they owed me this money. She practically shouted, “YES!” And I just smiled and hung up the phone.

I deposited the check into my bank that day. They didn’t try to call me back until about six weeks later. I had been wondering how long it would take. The person who called me was a different lady, and she called to tell me that a mistake had been made and that I owed them $1200.

I told her she was misinformed and that she should go back and listen to the recorded calls that I had made to their office, and gave her the dates. I had been reassured multiple times that the money was mine and that I was in the clear to cash that check. And then I hung up.

I haven’t heard a single thing about it since then.

The phone rings on a busy afternoon, and I answer with my usual script.

Me: “Thank you for calling the clinic, this is [My Name]. How can I help you today?”

Patient: “Hi… I’m feeling really sick. Nauseous, super thirsty, and my breathing feels weird.”

Her symptoms are setting off alarm bells, so I pull up her chart while I keep her talking.

Me: “Okay, I’m going to take a look at your file. Do you have any medical conditions I should know about? Diabetes, anything like that?”

Patient: “Nope, none.”

That’s… not what I’m seeing on my screen.

Me: “Alright, I’m just looking here, and I see you were prescribed metformin recently. Can you tell me about that?”

Patient: “Oh yeah, I had diabetes. But I took the medicine already.”

I pause, waiting for the rest of that sentence. None comes.

Me: “You… had diabetes?”

Patient: “Yeah, the doctor gave me a month of metformin, so I took it. I felt better after, so I figured it fixed it.”

Me: “Just to clarify, are you still taking the metformin?”

Patient: “No, I finished it. They gave me like, a month.”

There’s a long pause while my brain reboots.

Me: “Diabetes isn’t like an infection. The medication manages it; it doesn’t cure it.”

Patient: “Wait… so you’re saying it didn’t go away?”

Me: “I’m saying it very much did not go away, and based on your symptoms, you need to go to the ER right now.”

Patient: “Oh. Wow. But when they gave me something for my strep throat, it went away, and so I stopped taking it.”

Me: “Diabetes is not strep throat.”

Patient: “So, how much longer do I need to take the medication?”

Me: “How about we get you into the ER first, and you can ask the doctor all those questions?”

Patient: “Ugh… fine.”

Related:
What A Diabeetus, Part 14
What A Diabeetus, Part 13
What A Diabeetus, Part 12
What A Diabeetus, Part 11
What A Diabeetus, Part 10

I work security at a hospital. On this day, I was posted in one of the lobbies when an older woman came storming in angrily.

Lady: “Give me my keys!”

Me: “Ma’am, I don’t have your keys. What can I—”

Lady: “—Yes, you do! I gave them to you!”

Me: “I haven’t taken keys from anyone this morning. Please, let me try—”

Lady: “—Not today, Saturday! I was just released from Emergency!”

Me: “You came in on Saturday? What time did you—”

Lady: “—Six-thirty in the morning! I gave you my keys when I came in!”

Me: “Okay, ma’am, this lobby was closed on Saturday, and I was in a different spot—”

Lady: “—I gave them to someone!”

Me: “Ma’am, I can’t help you if you won’t let me speak. The guys at the Emergency desks right now weren’t here Saturday, and I was at a different post. Valet is closed on the weekends.”

Lady: “Then who has my keys?!”

Me: “I don’t know who you gave your keys to. Have you asked the guards at the desks if they’re there?”

Lady: “They’re useless! I’m calling the police! My house and car keys were on there!”

Me: “Go for it. While you’re at it, explain to them that you gave your keys to a random person instead of asking Security to hold them or holding on to them yourself.”

She left to go back to Emergency to use the phone. About ten minutes later, I saw her get into a car and leave. I called one of the guards in Emergency, and he said they were in the Security safe in a bag labelled “found in triage on (date).” She should be glad that whatever random person she gave them to chose to turn them in instead of stealing her car and raiding her house.