Yesterday, All My Troubles Seemed So Far Away

| Sacramento, CA, USA | Right | July 4, 2017

(One of my duties is calling patients with their lab results, once they’ve been interpreted by their doctor. I call an elderly lady, deliver her results, document the phone call in her chart, and think nothing more of it. The next day my coworker tells me there’s a message from the same lady demanding to know her lab results and insisting no-one had called her yesterday.)

Me: “But I did call her…”

Coworker: “I know! You wrote that you verified her ID, gave her the results, and she didn’t have any questions! I’ll call her back.”

(I leave to go help a patient and ask my coworker how it went when I return.)

Coworker: “You’re not gonna believe this. I gave her the results and she said, ‘Well, that’s what they told me yesterday!'”

Paling At The Diagnosis

, , , | Working | June 22, 2017

(I’d always had these white patches on my body and my mom always thought they were scars because I scar and bruise so easily. However she quickly changes her mind when I point out that I don’t have scars on my neck. So she takes me to a dermatologist and this is what happens. The doctor walks in.)

Doctor: “I have good news and bad news.”

Me: “Okay.”

(I don’t know why he said this. I don’t know if he was trying to put me at ease.)

Doctor: “Bad news is you got vitiligo.”

(Vitiligo is an autoimmune disorder where your white blood cells destroy your melanin.)

Doctor: “And the good news is you’re white.”

Needling Past The Obvious

, , , | Working | June 21, 2017

(One of my friends needs to have her blood drawn for a medical analysis. My friend wears a lot of piercings on her face.)

Me: *to my friend when she gets out* “Was everything okay?”

Friend: “Oh, yes! But something funny happened.”

Me & Girlfriend: “What?”

Friend: “The nurse saw my face, and still asked me if I was afraid of needles.”

Ensuring That They Can’t Be Insured

, , , | Right | June 21, 2017

(I work in an eye doctor’s office, selling eyeglasses. This happens entirely too often.)

Customer: “Do you take my insurance?”

Me: ” Well, what’s your insurance?”

Customer:” I don’t know…”

Me: “Well, do you have your card on you?”

Customer: ” No, why would I need that?”

Calling And Holding Is Not Their Calling

, , , | Right | June 20, 2017

(I’m sitting in a coworker’s office when the phone rings. My coworker picks it up and has the following conversation:)

Coworker: “[Business Name]. This is [Coworker]. How can I help you?”

Patient: “Yes, is there an Amanda there?”

Coworker: “No, I’m sorry there’s not an Amanda here. Can I have your name so I can find you in the system?” *Patient gives her name* “Great, how can I help you today?”

Patient: “She was a very nice young lady who helped me sign up for a program last year to help with paying for things…” *patient trails off*

Coworker: “Oh, yes, I do see that you’re signed up for the [Program] for last year. If you want to re-enroll, you’ll need to call them and have them send some paperwork out to you.”

Patient: “I have to call them?”

Coworker: “Yes, you need to call them.”

Patient: “But you did it for me last year!”

Coworker: “I’m sorry, they won’t talk to us; they need to talk to you.”

Patient: “Fine.” *hangs up*

(Less than five minutes later the phone rings again. It’s the same patient.)

Coworker: “How can I help you?”

Patient: “I tried calling, but I had to wait on hold for so long and I can’t do that. Can you do this for me?”

Coworker: “No, ma’am, you need to do this yourself.”

Patient: “But I can’t hold on for so long! Can’t you call them and wait for me?”

Coworker: “No, ma’am, they won’t talk to us. They need to talk to you. You need to call and wait on hold.”

Patient: “But I’ve got the flu and I can’t hold for so long.”

Coworker: “Maybe you can call again in a couple of days when you feel better.”

Patient: “But can’t you call for me?”

Coworker: “No, you need to do this yourself.”

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