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Just A Spoon Full Of Idiocy Helps The Medicine Go Down

| USA | Crazy Requests, Health & Body, Popular

(A patient has come in to be evaluated for an anxiety attack. He has a history of this in his chart, and has been prescribed medication for the condition.)

Doctor: “So, I see you’ve been here before for anxiety in the past. Was today similar to your previous visits?”

Patient: “Yeah. It’s just that I’ve been getting more and more anxious lately.”

Doctor: “When did your symptoms start getting worse?”

Patient: “Oh, about three months ago when I stopped taking my anxiety medications.”

Doctor: “So… you are saying you stopped taking your medication and now your symptoms are getting worse?”

Patient: “Yeah. I read somewhere that pills are bad for you, so I just stopped taking everything.”

Doctor: “I… Well, if you won’t take any medications, what exactly were you hoping we could do for you today?”

Patient: “Fix me! But, like, without medicine?”

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Your Numbers Are Up

| Omaha, NE, USA | Books & Reading, Religion

(I work in a medical clinic and part of the job is getting patients’ vitals at check-in. My standard joke with people if their blood pressure is up a bit is that they’re SO excited to be at the doctor.)

Patient: “I get all the excitement I need from my Bible. It’s ALL exciting!”

Me: “Well, what about Numbers? Isn’t that all who begat who, on and on?”

Patient: “Well, maybe not Numbers.”

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Intelligence Is Not In Their Blood

, | Morinville, AB, Canada | Health & Body

(A friend and I are at a local trade show, and there’s a booth from the blood clinic there. The nurse is explaining what they do, and even do a quick blood test so you can learn your blood type. As we’re chatting with her, she tell us about this one person who came by her booth earlier that day to get tested.)

Man: “Dude, I hope I have the rarest blood type!”

Nurse: “If you do, I’m going to throw you in my car and take you over to the clinic to donate a pint right now!”

Man: “WHAT? Why would you do that to me?”

Nurse: “Think about it. The rarest blood type is the type we need the most.”

Man: “Oh. Then, I hope I have the most common type.”

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Not A Morning Person

| OH, USA | Extra Stupid, Popular, Time

(I am a receptionist in a doctor’s office. A patient has finished seeing the doctor, and as approached my desk to make another follow up appointment.)

Me: “Hi there, [First Name]. It looks like you need to come back in a month. Do you have a day of the week that you like better than another?”

Patient: “Nope! I’m retired now and free as a bird! Any day of the week is fine.”

Me: “Okay, I have the 12th of next month; that’s a Tuesday.”

Patient: “Oh, no, Tuesdays are no good. I have charity meetings on Tuesdays.”

Me: “Okay, how about the next day, the 13th? That’s a Wednesday.”

Patient: “Ooooo, you know what? I get my hair done on Wednesdays.”

Me: “How about the 14th, Thursday?”

Patient: “No, Thursdays aren’t good, either. I babysit my granddaughters on Thursdays. How about that Friday?”

Me: “Okay, Friday the 15th it is. Would you like a morning or an afternoon appointment?”

Patient: “As early as possible.”

Me: “You’re in luck; I have a slot available on the 15th at 8 am.”

Patient: “Oh, gosh, no! That’s much too early. How about around lunchtime?”

(She does this every time she’s in. You’d think I would have learned by now!)

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Too Busy To Notice

| USA | Health & Body

(I am a receptionist at a medical imaging clinic. In addition to our regularly scheduled exams, we do x-rays on a walk-in basis. It is a very busy day and our waiting room is completely full and noisy, and there is also a line of patients waiting to check in. An elderly lady comes in and approaches the desk when it’s her turn.)

Elderly Lady: *completely serious* “Are you busy today?”

Me: *pause* “No…”

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