icon_healthbody

MRI: Moronically Resisting Information

| USA | Extra Stupid, Health & Body, Technology, Trigger Story

(I work in an outpatient medical imaging facility where we do MRIs, X-rays, ultrasounds, etc. Every exam we do must be ordered by a physician. These physicians oftentimes don’t know the machinery like we do and sometimes answer their patients’ questions incorrectly. For reference: an MRI machine is a long tube with both ends being open. An open MRI machine is open on three sides and is easier for claustrophobic patients to handle. This patient calls in with some questions before her exam.)

Patient: “My doctor told me your machine was an open MRI.”

Me: “I’m sorry; he was mistaken. Our machine is the regular tube-like kind.”

Patient: “But he said it was open!”

Me: *knowing this doctor knows our machine is not the open kind* “I’m sorry, but it’s not. I don’t know why he would have told you that.”

Patient: “I’m severely claustrophobic! I can’t be in a tube!”

Me: “I understand. I’d recommend talking to your doctor about taking some kind of sedation. Most of our claustrophobic patients can get through their exam when they’ve taken a mild sedative beforehand. Your doctor would need to prescribe that for you.”

Patient: “But he said it was an open MRI!”

Me: “Yes… I understand he said that, but I’m sorry. It’s not.”

Patient: “I’m claustrophobic! I can’t go in that little tube!”

Me: “You could go to [Local Hospital] and have your MRI there. They can do complete sedation, which is unfortunately something we do not offer. Again, you would need to talk to your doctor about that.”

Patient: “But he specifically told me your machine was an open MRI! I can’t do the tube!”

(We go on in circles like this for a few minutes, she saying her doctor told her our machine was open and me reiterating that it isn’t. Finally, I get fed up.)

Me: “Ma’am, we’re not going to make you have this exam. If you feel you can’t handle our machine, we are not going to force you to get into it. I’ve told you it is not an open MRI and I’ve given you several options for handling your claustrophobia during the exam. I don’t know what it is you want me to do.”

Patient: “My doctor said your machine is an open MRI!”

Me: *head-desk*

 

Dear readers! This story was originally submitted without a title, to encourage you to come up with a witty submission yourselves. After considering the many amazing suggestions in the comments section, we have come up with the title above. Thank you all for participating; we had a blast reading them!

icon_healthbody

Has An A-Gender With The DNA

| TX, USA | Bizarre, Health & Body

(I help manage a small clinic that does various types of tests. Today, we receive a very bizarre phone call.)

Client: “Hello. Do you do DNA testing?”

Me: “Yes, we do DNA testing. Do you need a test that is admissible in court?”

Client: “No. I just want to know if you do DNA testing.”

Me: “Yes. We do DNA tests.”

Client: “I get that. I just want to know if you do DNA testing.”

Me: “I apologize, ma’am, but what in particular are you needing with the DNA? I guess I am just not understanding what in particular you need.”

Client: “You know. DNA. I need a test for DNA. I’m pregnant and I’m having a baby boy. I need a DNA test. I need you to tell me the gender of my baby.”

Me: “Oh. You just need a test to verify the gender?”

Client: “No. I need to find out if it’s a boy or girl. I’m pregnant with a baby boy and I need to know if it’s a boy or girl.”

Me: “Umm… I see. I’m sorry, ma’am, but we do not do gender tests here.”

Client: “But you do DNA. You can tell me the gender of my baby before it is born.”

Me: “No. I’m sorry. We can do DNA to find out who the father is but, we do not do gender-typing on an unborn baby. Your gynecologist can help with that.”

Client: “Oh. Thank you.”

(I’m still not entirely certain what it was she needed.)

icon_healthbody

Should Have Done The Scan For Leftover Customers

| Australia | Crazy Requests, Health & Body

(We close on Saturdays at 12 pm. It is 11:55 am and the last patient has left. I lock the doors and settle everything. The radiographer turns the machines off. I have my bag in my hand. It is now 12 pm.)

Customer: “Hello.”

(I look around alarmed. A woman slowly walks up to me.)

Me: “Ah, hello.”

Customer: “I saw Dr [Name] today and he said I can have an X-ray today.”

(I recall a call from Dr Name at 11 am and a patient stating the same thing arrived. I had no idea there was more than one.)

Me: “Yes, that was at eleven. When did you get here?”

(And how did she get through the locked doors?)

Customer: “I’ve been here since 11:30; I’ve just been in the bathroom.”

(The radiographer sees and gives me a panicked ‘everything is turned off already’ look and stands beside me.)

Me: “I’m so sorry. We just closed. I was expecting you earlier. We can do Monday, definitely!”

Customer: “The doctor said you can do me today.”

Me: “And we could have if you came up before closing. Unfortunately, we have turned off the X-ray machine and are unable to do any more scans.”

Customer: “My doctor said you would do it today! It’s urgent; I don’t know what’s wrong with me.”

Radiographer: “Even if we scanned you today there are no reports because we have no radiologist on the weekends.”

(The radiographer continued repeating what I was saying in every polite way as I notice Customer #2 at the front struggling with the door. She waves me over. I open the door a crack seeing she is distressed.)

Customer #2: “My doctor called and said you would do my scan for me!”

Me: “Unfortunately, we closed at 12 pm. All calls I got were around 11 am.”

Customer #2: “I need the scan done! He said you’re going to do it!”

(She grabs the door and tries to push it open, but my foot is lodged behind it and it doesn’t budge. Shocked at the aggression, I repeat once again we are closed and shut the door. She walks away in a huff. I return to the first customer.)

Me: “If it’s urgent I know the emergency department always has scanning available with reporting.”

(Customer #1 left, defeated. The radiographer and I sighed and headed home at 12:20 pm. Funny how every time I mention to patients that the emergency department is available after hours their scan is suddenly not as urgent.)