(My mother is 100 years old, and she still lives on her own. I take her shopping and to her doctor’s appointments. She’s complaining about being a little unsteady on her feet lately.)
Doctor: “Well, you’re doing really well. But you should try using your cane or walker more.”
Mom: “Oh, I use my daughter to hold on to when I’m out. I don’t want to look like an old lady!”
(I work in a doctor’s office calling previous patients asking them to rate the quality of their visit. If they rate it “good” or below, I have to ask why and take down the reason. I have just gotten through most of the questions, when I ask the final one.)
Me: “…and would you rate our billing service as excellent, very good, good, fair, or poor?”
Patient: “Oh, good, I guess.”
Me: “Okay, and may I ask why you didn’t rate it excellent or very good?”
Patient: “It’s a BILL!”
Me: *laughing* “All right, I will make sure to make a note of that. Thank you very much and have a wonderful day!”
(I am checking in my young son).
Front desk: “And what is your son’s date of birth?”
(I want my son to say it so he can learn.)
Son: “The second…”
Front desk: “Of what month?”
Son: *proudly* “October!”
Front desk: “Do you know what year, hun?”
Son: *thinks* “Every year!”
(I call patients the day before their appointment to remind them.)
Me: “Hello, [patient], I am calling to remind you of your appointment with [doctor] tomorrow at noon.”
Patient: “Okay, what time is my appointment?”
Me: “Noon.”
Patient: “But what time is my appointment?”
Me: “Noon.”
Patient: “What time is noon?”
Me: “Um, it’s at twelve o’clock…in the afternoon.”
Patient: “Oh, great. Thanks! I’ll be in.”
(A patient comes in for a follow-up. I check their insurance card for charges.)
Me: “It seems that you have a $25 charge. You can pay that in cash, check, or credit card.”
Patient: “I don’t have charges anymore.”
Me: “Oh, did you get a new insurance company?”
Patient: “No, I just don’t have charges anymore.”
Me: “Do you have a new card that reflects that change? If not, I’m required to collect your charge. Then, if it turns out you don’t have one, we will refund it to you.”
Patient: “No, I don’t have a new card. But President Obama says I don’t have to pay.”
Me: “The president told you that you don’t have to pay?”
Patient: “Yeah. He says that Americans get healthcare for free now.”
Me: “Oh, I understand now. However, I think you’ve misunderstood. The Healthcare Bill doesn’t eliminate charges except for preventative, and doesn’t make healthcare free. It just restructures some health insurance policies and such. Also, it hasn’t gone into effect yet. So, you still have a charge.”
(She reluctantly pays her charge.)
Patient: “Expect to hear from President Obama about this. And don’t expect any sympathy either when he gives you the chair.”
