Dying To Say That

| USA | Crazy Requests, Popular, Time

(I’m waiting to be called for my appointment in my doctor’s office when a man comes in and charges up to the check-in desk.)

Man: “Do you do lab work on site here? I need a test and I can’t wait for it!”

(The receptionist explains that while they collect all manner of samples on site, they send their samples off-site for processing. She ends the conversation with “but we do accept walk-ins and usually have lab results within a day or two.” The man decides this is good enough for him, takes the check-in paperwork, and sits down to fill it out. Not a minute later…)

Man: “I’m really sorry, but I need to eat something or I’m going to pass out. I mean, really, I’m going to pass out if I don’t get some food right now. Can I take this paperwork with me and just come back in an hour or so?”

Receptionist: “You are welcome to take the paperwork with you and come back whenever, but we can’t enter you into our system or put you in the walk-in queue until we have your paperwork and we know you are waiting to be seen. If you want to be seen as soon as possible, please fill out the paperwork now and have a seat to wait to be seen. Our wait isn’t long now, only about 30 minutes.”

Man: “No, I will die on your floor if I don’t eat something right now. Don’t you have a call-back system where I can get in line and just come back when you’re ready for me? All my favorite restaurants do that now… I love it. Can you do that?”

Receptionist: “No, sir, you have to fill out the paperwork now and wait here in the lobby until we call you, or you can make an appointment to be seen later. We have guaranteed appointments starting at 8 am tomorrow, if that would be better for you.”

Man: “No, if you insist that I have to wait, I’ll wait. I just need some tests. 30 minutes isn’t too bad. I might pass out from not eating, but you can revive me if that happens, I guess.”

(Less than five minutes later, the receptionist calls me back for my appointment. As I walk back all I hear is:)

Man: “Now, what kind of scam are you trying to pull here? You said I was next to be seen, and they called someone else back before me!”

(While a hybrid primary and urgent care, I’ve never seen anything like this before at this office, and I raise an eyebrow at the receptionist.)

Receptionist: *quietly* “Word got around to the posh nearby residents that we offer prompt service, and we’ve had an influx of rich people who think they won’t have to wait, no matter when they waltz in.”

(Since I needed a number of tests and whatnot, my appointment takes a while, but I end up leaving around the same time as the impatient man.)

Me: *loudly* “Well, thanks for taking such good care of me at my scheduled appointment time. I’m sure tired after hustling to be on time for my appointment and going through all those tests. I hope I can still find a restaurant open in this big city at 8 pm on a weekday, so I don’t starve before I make the 20 minute commute back to my house!”

(The staff were trying not to laugh behind the desk.)


An Un-fee-sable Excuse

| MN, USA | Bad Behavior, Family & Kids, Health & Body, Money, Popular

(I work in the billing department of a large mental health clinic with multiple locations. Many clients call in to dispute missed appointment fees that accrue when a client no calls and/or no shows. The mother of a client calls:)

Me: “[Clinic] Billing Dept. This is [My Name]. How can I help you?”

Mom: “I need you to remove the fee on my son’s account. I was really confused about the appointment.”

Me: “Okay, let’s look into it. So, what was confusing about the appointment?”

Mom: “Well, I didn’t think he had to go.”

Me: “Why is that?”

Mom: “Well, nothing has changed since the last appointment. The meds aren’t doing anything.”

Me: “He was still scheduled for an appointment, and the doctor would want to know if there weren’t any changes, so she could adjust the medications or try a different course of action.”

Mom: *suddenly sounding angry* “But you didn’t even send his medications to the pharmacy!”

Me: “Wait, so he hasn’t been taking his medication since three months ago?!”

Mom: “NO! Your stupid doctor didn’t send over the prescription!”

Me: “Okay. I have to ask: did you call us to see if we could re-send the prescription?”

Mom: “Well, no.”

Me: “Let me make sure I’m understanding this correctly. You came in for the appointment, and your son was prescribed [Medication]. You went to the pharmacy, and they didn’t have the prescription. You didn’t call us to notify the doctor that he would be without meds. Your son hasn’t been on his meds now for three months. You didn’t think he needed to be seen because his behavior hasn’t changed. And you want me to remove the fee even though you knew that he had an appointment at that day and time?”

Mom: “Yes, exactly!” *calmer now that I understand*

Me: “Well. I’ll see what I can do. Meanwhile, I’m going to notify his doctor about the situation, and I want you to schedule an appointment as soon as possible.”

(The call ended there. I looked, and we HAD sent the prescription, twice, both times confirmed by the pharmacy. At this point, I wasn’t even upset that she wanted the fee removed even though she knew about the appointment. I was angry that she had such blatant disregard for her eight-year-old’s health!)


Just A Spoon Full Of Idiocy Helps The Medicine Go Down

| USA | Crazy Requests, Health & Body, Popular

(A patient has come in to be evaluated for an anxiety attack. He has a history of this in his chart, and has been prescribed medication for the condition.)

Doctor: “So, I see you’ve been here before for anxiety in the past. Was today similar to your previous visits?”

Patient: “Yeah. It’s just that I’ve been getting more and more anxious lately.”

Doctor: “When did your symptoms start getting worse?”

Patient: “Oh, about three months ago when I stopped taking my anxiety medications.”

Doctor: “So… you are saying you stopped taking your medication and now your symptoms are getting worse?”

Patient: “Yeah. I read somewhere that pills are bad for you, so I just stopped taking everything.”

Doctor: “I… Well, if you won’t take any medications, what exactly were you hoping we could do for you today?”

Patient: “Fix me! But, like, without medicine?”


Your Numbers Are Up

| Omaha, NE, USA | Books & Reading, Religion

(I work in a medical clinic and part of the job is getting patients’ vitals at check-in. My standard joke with people if their blood pressure is up a bit is that they’re SO excited to be at the doctor.)

Patient: “I get all the excitement I need from my Bible. It’s ALL exciting!”

Me: “Well, what about Numbers? Isn’t that all who begat who, on and on?”

Patient: “Well, maybe not Numbers.”


Intelligence Is Not In Their Blood

, | Morinville, AB, Canada | Health & Body

(A friend and I are at a local trade show, and there’s a booth from the blood clinic there. The nurse is explaining what they do, and even do a quick blood test so you can learn your blood type. As we’re chatting with her, she tell us about this one person who came by her booth earlier that day to get tested.)

Man: “Dude, I hope I have the rarest blood type!”

Nurse: “If you do, I’m going to throw you in my car and take you over to the clinic to donate a pint right now!”

Man: “WHAT? Why would you do that to me?”

Nurse: “Think about it. The rarest blood type is the type we need the most.”

Man: “Oh. Then, I hope I have the most common type.”

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