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Holding On To Your Clients

| Working | February 26, 2014

(I am the employee in this story. I work in a telephone-based office, answering calls from patients. Note: I am male, and currently on a call.)

Coworker: “Hey, [My Name]. Mrs. [Patient] is holding for you on line two.”

(I would normally answer the second call by saying, ‘Hi, Mrs. [Patient]. Thanks for holding. May I help you?’ Instead, I say this:)

Me: “Hi, Mrs. [Patient]. May I hold you?”

Patient: “…”

Me: *hoping the patient thinks she misheard me*

Patient: “Um, right. Well, the reason I called is…”

(Neither one of us mentioned it to the other. My coworkers, on the other hand, were dying of laughter in the background!)

On A Hamstring Budget

| Working | February 25, 2014

(My 13-year-old brother has been having pain in his ankles whenever he is on his feet for extended periods of time. He plays soccer and practice makes the pain much worse. My mom works for an orthopedic doctor. She takes him in on Friday, so he can get a diagnosis before his school tryouts on Monday. The doctor evaluates him and goes to my mom.)

Doctor: “He has the tightest hamstrings I have ever seen.”

Mom: “Really?”

Doctor: “Oh, yeah. I’ll prescribe him a physical therapy session. He’ll just need one, so he can learn the stretches he needs.”

(The office for the physical therapy is fairly new, and my mom’s work has been able to give them good business. My mom calls the office and explains who she is, says she needs this for her son, etc. She’s worried because the office doesn’t take our insurance and doesn’t know how much it will cost. The secretary talks to the physical therapist then comes back.)

Secretary: “Can you guys come in tomorrow morning at 8?”

Mom: “Sure! Of course. How much will the session be?”

Secretary: “Oh, it’ll be no charge. You guys have given us so much business. It’s no problem.”

Mom: “Oh, thank you!”

(My mom and brother go in the next morning. They spend about an hour learning a bunch of different stretches to help him out. The entire time there is no one there except for them, the secretary, and the physical therapist. They go to check out.)

Mom: “Are you guys usually open on Saturdays?”

Secretary: “No, we’re not open on Saturdays.”

(That’s when it clicks. Both of them had come in on their day off for free just to help my brother, all because her work helped them with their business. My mom was incredibly thankful and appreciative of what they did and my brother is doing much better! Also, as a kicker, the doctor wrote on the prescription, ‘worst hamstrings in world history!’)

Sleeping On The Job

| Working | February 5, 2014

(My daughter is scheduled to have corrective surgery on her eyes. I come straight from work to pick her up, knowing she will be on heavy drugs to help with pain and anxiety. I go to the office where my daughter has told me to wait.)

Me: “Hi. I’m here to wait for [Daughter]. She should be going into surgery about now.”

Receptionist: “Oh, okay! Come wait in here.”

(I am guided into a completely different office.)

Receptionist: *to nurse* “Is [Daughter] here?”

Nurse: “Yep, she just went back for surgery.”

(I sit and wait with my seven-year-old son for an hour and a quarter. I’m starting to wonder why it’s taking so long, but remember my daughter had warned it could be close to two hours. I decide to keep waiting, when I look up and realize the staff are putting on their coats and turning out the lights to leave.)

Receptionist: *noticing me* “Oh, are you still waiting for [Not My Daughter’s Name]?”

Me: “No, I’m waiting for [Daughter]. Is she almost done?”

Receptionist: “Oh. She left.”

Me: “What?! Where did she go?!”

Receptionist: “Umm… [Nurse], is this lady’s daughter in surgery?”

Nurse: “Nope, everyone is gone.”

Receptionist: “Sorry, ma’am. I don’t know where she went. You’ll have to leave so we can close up.”

Me: “She’s on heavy drugs! I’m not going anywhere until you find her!”

(I try to stay calm so I don’t panic my son, but start thinking of everything that could have possibly happened to my daughter and where she could have gone. The receptionist goes into the back and grabs the doctor.)

Doctor: “What’s the problem?”

Me: “I’ve been waiting in here for an hour and a half for my daughter. She just had surgery, she’s heavily drugged, and you let her walk out of here completely alone?”

Doctor: “You should have been waiting at [first office I went to]. I’m not responsible for what happens to her after surgery. Get out so we can go home.”

Me: “I am not leaving until you find my daughter!”

(I am stunned and furious. The doctor and receptionist glare at me as I stand there in the middle of the office and refuse to move while two nurses are sent off to search for my daughter. They come back five minutes later, without her.)

Nurse: “Found her!”

Me: “What? Then where is she?”

(My daughter stumbled in behind the nurses, clearly struggling to stay awake and unable to form a clear sentence. I barely managed to get her down to the car before she completely passed out, with no apology from anyone at the office. I found out later that they had thrown her out immediately after surgery, not bothering to ask if anyone was coming to pick her up or if she had a ride. She had been waiting in the building lobby, six floors down, for 45 minutes when the nurses found her half asleep on a couch!)

Out Of Control Birth Control

, , , | Working | January 29, 2014

(The health center at my school is notorious for being birth control pushers. I go in to get my sore throat checked out, since I am worried it might be strep.)

Me: “Hi. I’m [Name] and I’m here for a 1 pm appointment with [Nurse].”

Receptionist: “Oh, you must be here for birth control!”

Me: “No, actually—”

Receptionist: “The pill? Yeah, they can hook you up after a quick exam.”

Me: “No. I’m here for—”

Receptionist: “Or the nurse can teach you about spermicide! Or diaphragms!”

Me: “Actually I’m already on—”

Receptionist: “I think your best bet is the pill though. It’s the most effective and can be paired up with condoms!”

Me: *hoarse yelling* “STOP. AS IT SAYS IN MY CHART, I’M ALREADY ON THE PILL. I’m here for a sore throat!”

Receptionist: “Oh. OH. You’re [Name]! It’s my 1:30 who is here for birth control!”

(They examined me and told me I had mono, which ended up being wrong. On my way out, I saw a very uncomfortable-looking girl.)

Me: “Good luck.”

Girl: “Umm… thanks.”

Receptionist: “WAIT, [My Name]! DON’T FORGET A BAGGIE OF CONDOMS!”

Football Affects The Footfall

| Working | January 24, 2014

(I recently got a DUI, so I have to go into a facility to do a breathalyzer every day. This was the day of the Seahawks-Saints football game. The guy that does the testing sees me approaching.)

Tester: “Read the sign, [My Name].”

(There is a sign tacked to the desk.)

Sign: “Anyone supporting the Saints tonight may find another facility to test at. Thank you.”

(I just gaped. Another guy came in behind me in a Seahawks jersey, read the sign, and left.)