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Number Two Too Much

, , , , , , , | Healthy | June 12, 2023

I work in a cardiologist’s office, and I have to put Holter monitors on patients. The patient wears the monitor for twenty-four hours and it records everything the heart does. The patient is told to keep a diary of symptoms they are feeling (racing heart, palpitations, etc.) and exercise.

This patient kept track of everything she did throughout the day. Some of my favorite excerpts:

Excerpt: “2:00 pm: pee and poo and brush cat, too!”

Excerpt: “2:30 pm: gave cat treats while on toilet.”

Excerpt: “4:00 pm: more poo.”

Way too much information, but I couldn’t stop reading!

The Curse Of The Number 23

, , , , , , | Right | June 11, 2023

I’m answering phones for a physical therapy office. A client calls to reschedule an appointment.

Client: “I’d like to reschedule my appointment with [Therapist] from February 23 to March 23.”

Me: “Okay. It looks like [Therapist] is here March 23rd.”

Client: “What day of the week is it?”

Me: “Thursday.”

Client: “Can we do it on March 23rd, Wednesday?”

Me: “[Chiropractor] isn’t here on Wednesdays.”

Client: “Which days of the week is she there?”

 Me: “Monday, Tuesday, Thursday, Saturday, and Sunday.”

Client: “So, can I see her on March 23rd, Monday?”

Me: “Monday is the 20th.”

Client: “No. I want to see her on March 23rd… Can I see her on Wednesday?”

Me: “Wednesday is the 22nd, and she’s not here.”

Client: “What day is March 23rd?”

Me: “Thursday.”

Client: “No, I’m not available on Thursday… Can I see her on March 23rd, Friday?”

Me: “Friday is the 24th… and she’s not here on Friday. You mentioned Monday earlier. Is Monday okay?”

Client: “Yes, Monday works. What day is Monday?”

Me: “March 20th, or March 27th.”

Client: “Can I have Monday, March 23rd?”

Me: “No.”

Client: “Fine. Put me down for Monday, March 20th, I guess.”

Me: “What time?”

Client: “Same time as the original appointment, if you have it.”

Me: “Is 11:00 am okay?”

Client: “Yes, that works. So March 23rd, Monday, right?”

Me: “…No, March 20th, Monday.”

Client: “March 20th… March 20th… No, I wanted March 23rd.”

Me: “I’m sorry, our only opening is March 20th, Monday. Have a nice day.”

Client: “Wait, wait… Will I get a reminder?”

Me: “Yes. You should get an automated text message reminder five days, three days, and one day before your appointment.”

Client: “So… the 18th, the 20th, and the 22nd?”

Me: “…They’ll come when they come. It’ll help remind you.”

Client: “Okay. Thank you!”

Me: “Is there anything else?”

Client: “Tell [Therapist] I said hi!”

Me: “I will.”

Client: “Have a nice day.”

Me: “You, too.”

And then she finally hung up on me.

When You Get Stuck In The (Trans)Script

, , , , , , , , , | Healthy | June 10, 2023

I’m checking in for a phone appointment with my doctor. This has happened before, but this time his reaction was pretty funny.

Nurse: “Can you list all the medications you’re currently taking?”

Me: “Well, there’s Spironolactone [a common testosterone blocker, though it has other uses], 100 mg, two times a day. Estradiol [an estrogen supplement], 3 mg, two times a day, [other meds that aren’t relevant]…”

Nurse: “Okay, and is there any chance you’re pregnant or may become pregnant?”

Me: “Uh, no.”

Nurse: “Okay. And the date of your last menstrual cycle?”

Me: “Ummm… Not applicable. I’m, well… I’m a transgender woman.”

I hear the sound of gears turning in his head.

Nurse: “…Oh! Okay, cool! Awesome! Good. That… that’s good for you. Anyway. Okay. Um… Last time you were checked for cervical cancer?”

Me: “…”

When They Find Ways To Come Back To Haunt You

, , , , , , , , , | Working | June 5, 2023

I start getting phone calls from a doctor’s office for my ex-husband. My ex-husband and I have been divorced for ten years at this point. They keep leaving voicemails for him to call back.

Receptionist: “My name is [Receptionist], and I’m calling from [Doctor]’s office, trying to reach [Ex-Husband]. Please give us a call back.”

I have not been in contact with my ex-husband in several years, and he changes numbers all the time, so I have no way of getting in touch with him.

The next week, I get another voicemail.

Receptionist: “Hi, [Ex-Husband]. This is [Receptionist] calling from [Doctor]’s office. I need you to give me a call back today.”

The doctor’s office always seems to call when I am at work. By the time I get off work, they are already closed so I cannot call them back to tell them they have the wrong number.

The next week, I have another voicemail, and it is the same as the previous ones. 

I tell my coworkers I am going to take a ten-minute break to attend to some important business, and I call the doctor’s office back.

Receptionist: “[Receptionist] speaking.”

Me: “Hi, [Receptionist]. I have been receiving phone calls from you. You are trying to get in touch with [Ex-Husband], and I am calling to tell you that this is not his number.”

Receptionist: “Okay, thank you for letting us know. I’ll make a note in his file.”

The next week, the doctor’s office calls again.

Receptionist: “Hi, [Ex-Husband], this is [Receptionist] calling you from [Doctor]’s office. We need to give us a call back.”

I manage to call them back, and I tell them the same thing. Again, I am told they will make a note of it and remove it from the file.

But they don’t do it for the next three weeks. I still continue to receive calls for my ex-husband. I call back one more time, and this time, I ask to speak to the office manager.

Me: “I am receiving phone calls for [Ex-Husband], and I have told your staff members that this is not his number. They have told me they will make a note in the file and remove the number.”

Office Manager: “Oh, I am so sorry about that. Let me get into his file. Are you [My Name]?”

Me: “Yes.”

Office Manager: “He has you listed as an emergency contact.”

Me: “We have been divorced for many, many years. I don’t know why he would have it listed. I also don’t know how to reach him as we haven’t spoken in many years.”

Office Manager: “Oh, we need to speak with him about an urgent financial matter.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but I do not know how to get a hold of him.”

Office Manager: “Okay, we will remove you from his file.”

A few months later, I tried to finance a new car and, to my horror, there was a negative mark on my credit file. And guess what it was? The doctor’s office bill!

I got the original bill, and it was only in my ex’s name. I had to fax my divorce decree over to the collection agency, and I also sent it to the doctor’s office. It was removed from my credit file. 

I don’t know why they put me on this bill as we are divorced and I am not obligated to any of his bills. When I told them we were divorced, that should have been a clue! 

I also don’t have a clue why he would list me as an emergency contact. He probably just did it so they would call me since he changed numbers frequently and had no intention of paying that $100 bill.

Someone Needs Communication Therapy

, , , | Healthy | June 2, 2023

I worked in a medical office where patients would call in to refer themselves for treatment. I would take some information from them as a series of simple questions that took maybe five minutes, and then I would agree on an appointment with them. You’d think this whole process would be easy.

One time, I was talking to the husband of a patient because she was unable to call for herself.

Husband: “My wife needs physiotherapy.”

Me: “What part of the body does she need physiotherapy for?”

Husband: “She needs physiotherapy.”

Me: “Okay, is that for her neck? Her arms? Her legs?”

Husband: “She needs physiotherapy.”

Me: “…I understand that she needs physiotherapy. I need to know what part of the body she needs physiotherapy for.”

I had to rephrase other questions, and the whole process took twice as much time as it should have. Fun times!