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A Beer A Day Keeps The Doctor Away To Gossip About You

| Rocklin, CA, USA | Food & Drink

(I’m sitting next to my coworker, who is calling patients to discuss preparation instructions for the colonoscopies we do in the office — there are certain things the patients need to abstain from before their procedure. My coworker finishes a call, turns to me, and starts laughing.)

Coworker: “So, I told this guy that he needed to avoid alcohol five days prior to his procedure, and he says, ‘but I have a beer every morning — can I still have that?’ ”

Me: “A beer every MORNING? If that’s how he starts his day, how does he end it?!”

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Very Butt-Hurt

| The Netherlands | Bizarre, Popular

(I am a female physical therapist and have four other colleagues. Three of them are on vacation and I’m going on a vacation on Friday (it is Monday). We have had a lot of new patients calling in for new appointments and since we are low on staff we’re fully booked until at least the end of the week. Today I’m on my own and the phone has been ringing quite a few times, which I let go to voicemail if I’m treating a patient. )

Voicemail: “Hi it’s [Patient]; I have been calling but no one is answering. I want to make an appointment.”

(I call him back:)

Me: “Good morning, I’m [My Name] from [Practice]. I’m calling because you left a voicemail this morning.”

Patient: “Yeah, hi, I called but no one answered the phone. You see this morning I sprained a muscle in my a** and it hurts a lot so I need an appointment around 18:00.”

Me: “I’m sorry for not answering the phone but I’m currently alone and I am unable to get to the phone. And I’m unable to get you an appointment today. It’s very busy now and are completely booked until the end of the week.”

Patient: “Oh, yeah. Well, my butt is hurting pretty badly so I was hoping you could massage it today.”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, I really don’t have any time to help you today. The first place I have available is Monday.”

Patient: “No, that won’t do. Then I’ll call [Other Therapist] in [Other City]. Do you know him? He’s from there and he’s also pretty good.”

Me: “No, I’ve never heard from him, but I understand your decision and wish you feel better soon.”

Patient: “Ah, yeah, thanks.” *hangs up*

(The next day I get in late and have a lot to do. When I’m treating a patient the phone keeps ringing. After a while I’m able to check the voicemail.)

Voicemail: *it’s patient from the previous day* “Hi, it’s me; can you call me back? No one is picking up the phone.”

(I call him back:)

Me: “Good morning, it’s [My Name] from [Practice]. I’m calling because you left a voicemail this morning.”

Patient: “Hi! I told you yesterday that I would be going to [Other Therapist]. Well, he treated me very well with a gel and a massage and it worked. He said that my butt had an agitated muscle. I still feel it a little bit but that’s fine. But I wondered if you have some time to treat me today?”

Me: “But didn’t you just tell me that you feel a lot better?”

Patient: “Yes, it really does but I was just thinking that maybe you could treat me as well.”

Me: “I’m sorry but like I told you yesterday, I really don’t have any time this week. We’re completely booked.”

Patient: “Ah, well, I don’t really need it anyway. I’m in Amsterdam right now; have you ever been at [Place]?”

Me: “Eh… no, I haven’t.”

Patient: “You should really go there. I think you would really like it!”

Me: “So, is there anything I can help you with otherwise?”

Patient: “No, not really. I’ll call in if I want to have treatment again.”

Me: “Ok, sir, we’ll hear from you again. Have a good day.”

Patient: “Yeah, you too. And don’t forget to check out [Place]!”

Me: *hanging up confused*

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Appointment Disappointment, Part 2

| Albuquerque, NM, USA | Health & Body, Time

(I overhear a coworker at reception.)

Coworker: “I’m sorry, but your appointment seems to be for next week and we are booked fully today. I can see about getting your appointment moved up to tomorrow if that is okay.”

Patient: “No, you aren’t sorry! It’s a long walk to this desk! I know you will be laughing about me later! You will be old, too, some day!”

Related:
Appointment Disappointment

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