Making A Double Boob Of Yourself

, , , , | Healthy | July 21, 2019

(I am in the co-op program at my high school, and I have a placement at a local university medical clinic. Since I am a high school student, there are a lot of things at the clinic that I am not qualified to do, so I am often tasked with calling patients to inform them of specialist appointments that they have been referred to.)

Me: “Hello, is this [Patient]?”

Patient: “Yes, it is.”

Me: *reading the referral sheet* “I’m calling from Dr. [Doctor]’s office to let you know about an upcoming mammogram appointment on [date] at [Location].”

(Pause.)

Patient: “Well, I just had a double mastectomy, so I don’t think I’ll be needing that appointment.”

Me: “Oh.”

(I was mortified and apologized profusely; thankfully, the patient laughed it off. I informed my supervisor and she, while shocked, commended me on how I handled the situation.)

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He’s Forking Serious

, , , , | Right | July 9, 2019

(I am a customer at a small medical supply store. While I am being rung up, a man comes into the store. The only other employee working goes up to him and asks how he can help him.)

Customer: “Do you have any plastic forks?”

Employee: *looking confused* “I’m sorry?”

Customer: “Plastic forks? Do you sell them?”

Employee: “No, I’m sorry.”

Customer: “You don’t?”

Employee: “No, we do not.”

Customer: “Why not?”

Employee: *pointing to the display of wheelchairs and walkers/canes* “We only sell medical supplies.”

Customer: *getting upset* “Well, I just got takeout from [Fast Food Place up the road] and I noticed they didn’t give me a plastic fork. How can I eat my food without a fork?!”

Employee: *being nice* “Maybe you should go back there and ask for a fork?”

Customer: *face getting red with anger* “Really?! That’s your solution?! I’ll go next door and get a fork! Thanks for nothing!” *storms out*

Employee: *turns back to us* “Good luck to him. Next door is a dry cleaner.”

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Chicken Soup Works, As Seen On TV!

, , , , | Right | July 1, 2019

(I work at a rehabilitation facility. The set up of the facility is a community-based one, and is an office, which previously was a residential dwelling. The houses that our clients live in are also regular houses that were previously neighbouring properties until the organisation bought them. Therefore, our houses’ landline numbers end up being contacted often by scam calls. This is hilarious for a number of reasons, given that our client population have all experienced severe traumatic brain injury, and while very independent in some areas of their lives, there are some concepts about the world they just cannot grasp. Scam calls are one. The one doing the rounds at our site at the moment happens to be the good old “your computer has a virus.” While the staff at the office usually deal with this call by immediately hanging up — a tragic missed opportunity in my view — sometimes the clients get these calls, instead. I just happen to be coming into one of the houses to help out one of the clients when I notice him fiddling around behind the television. I notice him on the phone, which he puts down when I come in.)

Me: “What are you doing?”

Client: “My device has a virus.”

(I note he is putting blankets all over the TV cables.)

Client: “Well, if it has a virus it must be sick, so I thought blankets would keep it warm and make it feel better.”

(He also needed to be persuaded that chicken soup did not work on TV devices. I am mostly thankful he had no ingredients to attempt to prepare this concoction, or after staff leaving he may have tried this. We did keep a close eye on him and his “Sick TV,” though! Another house receiving a similar call with another client a few weeks later responded with the glorious, “Okay, but what is a computer?” Another client, again in a different house, ended up hanging up on the scammer by pulling the cord for the phone from the wall, thinking that this was “rebooting the modem,” and then, while recalling the event to staff, reported, “I must have fixed the issue, because they hung up and haven’t called back.” I am holding out for when they try the office again and I get to answer. This website has given me so many pro tips!)

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Tests Positive For Corn

, , | Healthy | June 11, 2019

(I am running a test in clinic. Twenty seconds into the three-minute timer, I can already very obviously see what the result will be. I go to tell the doctor.)

Me: “That test is so positive it could be an inspirational poster!”

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Didn’t Pass The Scamming Test

, , , , | Legal | December 16, 2018

(I work at a professional test center, the kind that does expensive medical and financial certification exams and GREs, among others. Our phone system is busted right now, so only one handset rings when someone calls. It has been ringing more than usual today, but I’ve been too busy to pick up until this call.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Company Branch]. This is [My Name]; how may I help you?”

Caller: *female voice, skeptical* “Hi. You said [Company]; where exactly am I calling?”

Me: *confused* “Um… This is [Company], the testing center? Do you have an exam scheduled for tomorrow? We generally do courtesy reminder calls the day before…”

Caller: “No, I do not, I just got disconnected from a call from this number. He was asking about my child taking the SAT, and hung up when I refused to give him my VISA number. I called the number back, and that’s you.”

Me: “Wait, what? Ma’am, we haven’t called out in about three hours;, you’re sure this was the number?”

Caller: “I’m positive; I just called the number right back.”

Me: “Okay, we don’t give the SAT here. We do have two exams we give to minors, but that’s not one of them, and anyway, we don’t take payment over the phone at this number. That sounds like a scammer spoofed the call with this number.”

Caller: “I thought something was off about that, especially when he started asking about my credit card. I’m glad I checked.”

Me: “Yeah, ma’am, that was definitely a scammer. That was not [Company]. Have a nice evening.”

Caller: “You, too!”

(I fielded three calls from parents who’d been called by the scammer using our number that night before clocking out. This was just the first!)

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