Surprised You Haven’t Gone Loony Already

, , , , , , | Right | October 3, 2019

(I work near the United States border at a business which mainly caters to Canadians. I wish I had a loony for every time this exchange took place.)

Me: “Okay, your total is $5.00.”

Customer: “Hmm, how much is that in Canadian?”

Me: *already wary* “If you have $7.00 Cdn, that will cover it.”

Customer: *hands me a $10*

Me: *deep, calming breath* “Okay. This Canadian ten is worth seven US dollars. You owe us five US. So, I’m going to give you two US in change. Okay?”

Customer: *thinks*

Me: *thinking* “Please understand it… Please understand it… Please understand it…”

Customer: “But you owe me $3!”

Me: *wishes we had conquered Canada back in 1812*

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If Europe Did Math There’d Be No Brexit

, , , , , , | Right | September 30, 2019

(I am waiting in line to change some money, and I overhear the following.)

Customer: “Hi. I’d like to change £500 to Euros.”

(The customer hands over notes. The clerk counts twice in front of her.)

Clerk: “This is only £480.”

Customer: “Oh, I was sure I counted £500; let me check in my bag.” *no luck* “Okay, it’ll have to be £480, then.”

Clerk: *starts to count out money*

Customer: “Oh, can it all be small notes? They won’t take anything big.”

Clerk: “Okay, but it will be a couple of minutes, then.”

Customer: *sounding grumpy* “Fine.”

Clerk: “Okay, so this is €528.”

Customer: “€548?”

Clerk: “No, €528.”

Customer: “Are you sure?”

Clerk: “Yes.”

Customer: “But when I was going to change £500, it was €550.”

Clerk: “Yes, but you’re only changing £480.”

Customer: “But that’s more than €20 less.”

Clerk: “Yes, because you’re paying £20 less.”

Customer: “But euros are less than the pound so it should be more than €530.”

Clerk: “No, £20 is about €22, so you’re getting €22 less than €550, because you’re paying £20 less.”

Customer: “Hmm…”

(She did eventually take the money, but still sounded unconvinced. I’m pretty sure she went away to tell everyone about the “clerk who tried to cheat her out of her money.”)

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Two Much For This Guy

, , , | Right | September 17, 2019

(I’m the restaurant manager of a popular chain fast food outlet. It’s busy in our drive-thru so I go to the cashier booth to assist the young female with taking orders over the speaker box.)

Me: “Welcome to [Outlet]. May I take your order?”

Customer: “Yes, do you have the $2 burgers?”

Me: “Yes, we do.”

Customer: “How much for seven?”

Me: *silent for a second, questioning why they don’t know the answer* “Seven burgers will be $14.

Customer: “Okay, how much for six?”

Me: *looks at my coworker who is holding back laughter* “$12.”

Customer: “Oh, okay, how much for five?”

Me: *now trying not to laugh* “$10.”

Customer: “Okay, I’ll get five.”

Me: “Five beef or five chicken?”

Customer: “I’ll get a mix.”

Me: “Okay, two beef and three chicken comes to $10. Please drive to the next window.”

(The customer drives up and pays, after which my coworker and I laugh and walk to the front area.)

Me: “Good thing I have my bachelor degree or I might never have known my two times tables!”

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Sick Of Customers Just Picking Fights

, , , | Right | September 12, 2019

(I am walking through a science center with my family when a worker suddenly stops me.)

Worker: “Excuse me. Would you mind walking around?”

(I look down and there is a puddle of puke he is guarding until someone can come to clean it up. I think nothing of it, but a man and a woman feel like giving this guy the business for no reason.)

Man: “This is a health hazard; why aren’t you doing anything?!”

Worker: “I am, sir. I am keeping people away until it can be cleaned up.”

Man: “But what else are you doing?! NOTHING!”

(Another patron walks over with a chair to cover the area.)


(The poor worker just stands there and takes it. I’ve had enough.)

Me: “Hey, man, I appreciate you for saving me from that puke. You’re doing a great job and anyone who has ever served the public would be able to appreciate that.”

(The other man and his wife glared at me. I happily glared back as the worker mouthed a simple “thank you” to me. It’s not hard to just be silent, people!)

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Human Produced Alcohol Would Be The Yeast Of Your Worries

, , , , , , | Learning | September 11, 2019

(I am taking Biology 12. Biology 11 was focused on basic principles — plant, animal, fungal biology, principles of evolution, cells — and Bio 12 is Human Anatomy. We are reviewing basic principles when the teacher asks the class:)

Teacher: “Think back to last year; when cells use sugar, they make ATP and…?”

Student: *cautiously answers* “Alcohol?”

Teacher: *without missing a beat* “No, no, sweetie. No, you’re not a yeast.”

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