Unable To Change Someone That Stupid

, , , , , , | Working | February 10, 2019

(I work in a store that is next to a fast food restaurant. One day I go to the fast food place for lunch with a coworker who really hates stupidity. My coworker places his order, and it comes to $10.35. He gives the cashier a $20 bill and ¢35 in coin. The cashier looks at him in total confusion.)

Cashier: “Why did you give me the ¢35?”

Coworker: “So you don’t have to give me any change, just the bill.”

Cashier: “You don’t want your change?”

Coworker: “You just need to give me a $10 bill now, instead of giving me a lot of coins.”

Cashier: “So, you don’t want your change?”

(This goes on for another minute.)

Coworker: *getting very frustrated* “Just type exactly what I gave you into your till.”

(She does, and the till tells her to give back $10. She gives him his change, and he gets his food and leaves, very angry. After he is gone, I hear this while I’m waiting for my food.)

Cashier: “What a moron, says he doesn’t want his change, leaving me to think I’m getting a good tip. Then leaves nothing.”

(I then saw the cashier’s coworkers shake their heads. I got my food, went back to work, and told my coworker what happened after he left. He made a complaint later on and got three free meals, and we never saw that cashier again.)

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H2-Woes

, , , | Right | February 10, 2019

(I am working in the back of a pharmacy. A coworker who is on the front comes in to ask a question.)

Coworker: “What ointments don’t have dihydrogen monoxide?”

Me: “Don’t have what?”

Coworker: “Dihydrogen monoxide. A customer says she deathly allergic to it.”

(Humoured by the statement and assuming it’s a joke, I follow [Coworker] out.)

Me: “Sorry, what was your query?”

Customer: *sighs* “What creams don’t have dihydrogen monoxide? I’m so allergic to it that even the slightest touch could kill me.”

Me: “Umm, is this a joke?”

Customer: “Absolutely not! How dare you?!”

Me: “It’s just that dihydrogen monoxide is water, like the bottle of Vittel in your hand.”

Customer: “No, I am allergic to dihydrogen monoxide, and I need a cream that doesn’t have it.”

Me: “Do you know what water is also expressed as? H2–”

Customer: “–H2O. Yes, I know that.”

Me: “And that means water is made of two hydrogen atoms and one oxygen?”

Customer: “I don’t see how this has anything to do with—“

Me: “Two hydrogen, di — Dihydrogen. And one oxygen, mono — monoxide. Water and dihydrogen monoxide are literally the same thing.”

Customer: *blank look*

Me: “For all I know, you could have an allergy to water, but since that is rare and you didn’t know that they were the same, I’m assuming you don’t?”

Customer: “This is ridiculous. I am allergic to dihydrogen monoxide, and if you can provide me with cream that doesn’t have it, I will find somewhere that does!” *storms out*

Me: “Good luck with that!”

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These Dreams Just Don’t Add Up

, , , , | Romantic | February 9, 2019

(My husband is absolutely not a morning person, rarely wakes to his alarms, and often talks quite clearly in his sleep. This conversation occurs when I try to wake him, after several other attempts, around 5:30 am. I have about an hour drive to work and we share one car, which he needs to use during my shift this day. Also — he absolutely hates math.)

Me: “[Husband], it’s time to get up. I’ve got to leave for work soon.”

Husband: “Okay. I’m awake.”

Me: “If you’re actually awake, you need to get out of bed.”

Husband: “I’m awake. Just a minute. We need to do math.”

Me: “…Math?”

Husband: “Yeah….”

(I leave him for a bit to make some coffee, then return to him snoring and try again.)

Me: “[Husband], are you going to wake up or just stay in bed doing math?”

Husband: *snapping awake* “Why the f*** would I do math?”

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Trying Not To Be Too Negative About This

, , , , | Right | February 4, 2019

(I work for a large credit union at a call center and I speak to some pretty… simple people during the course of my day. Some are worse than others. We also have a type of overdraft protection that can be signed up for, where our members are allowed to go into the negative on their account by up to $500. This particular member, a woman in her 50s, has that service.)

Me: “Hello! Thank you for calling [Credit Union]. My name is [My Name]. How may I assist you today?”

Member: “I need to know my balance.”

Me: “Absolutely, I’ll be happy to help with that.” *goes over the info and pulls up her account* “I see that your balance right now is negative $465.76.”

Member: “That’s not right! I just deposited $500 at the bank.”

Me: “Yes, ma’am, but before that, you were maxed out on your overdraft at negative $500. When you paid that back by making your deposit, that made your balance zero. Since that deposit earlier yesterday, you’ve done a purchase at [Store] for $25.76 and an ATM withdrawal of $400. After your purchases, you were at negative $425.76, and for each transaction, you received one $20 overdraft fee, per our overdraft policy, which made your account negative $465.76.”

Member: “I still just don’t understand. I should be in the positive; I just made a deposit into this account!”

Me: “Do you remember making a purchase at [Store] and the ATM withdraw?”

Member: “Yes, that was me.”

Me: “And you did those before or after your deposit at the branch?”

Member: “After, ’cause I didn’t have any money in the bank before.”

Me: “Okay, so, prior to your deposit you had negative $500. The last transaction before that, you wrote out a check for $480, which made your account negative, plus the $20 overdraft fee.”

Member: “Yes, that’s right; that was my rent.”

Me: “Great, so, you wrote your check and your account became negative $500. You made a $500 deposit, which made your balance zero. You made an ATM withdrawal and you made a Store] purchase, drawing your account back into the negative.”

Member: “I just still don’t understand.”

Adult Son: *in the background* “MOM. STOP. BEING. STUPID.”

Me: *trying not to grin* “Ma’am, why do you believe you this balance is incorrect?”

Member: “Well, I just made a deposit the other day!”

Adult Son: “Oh, my God, MOM! STOP BEING SO DUMB!”

Member: “I just don’t get it!”

Me: “Ma’am, I don’t know how else to explain it to you except this: negative $500 plus $500 equals zero. Yes, you made a deposit, but it didn’t give you a positive balance. Then you made purchases off your account, which made you negative again. These are all correct purchases, per you, so the balance is correct.”

Member: “I’m just going to have to go into a bank because I still just don’t understand. That balance isn’t right!”

Adult Son: “Mom! Negative $5 plus $5 equals zero! She’s right and you just aren’t listening!”

Member: “I’m still not sure about this.”

Adult Son & I: *sigh*

(Once I was finished with that call, I let my team know that I had spent fifteen minutes explaining how negative $500 plus $500 equals zero. The newbies didn’t believe that I’d spoke with someone that dumb, but I told them next time I’d just transfer the call to them — for practice!)

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When It Comes To Stupid Decisions They Score A Ten

, , , , , | Right | January 26, 2019

(I was behind the register in the women’s clothing area of a department store. A woman walks up holding a blouse and, with an attitude, says:)

Customer: “This was on a rack with a sign that says it is 40% off. Is it 40% off?”

Me: “Let me see.”

(I take the blouse from her and scan the barcode on the tag.)

Me: *expecting her to be glad to hear the good news* “It says it’s 50% off.”

Customer: *annoyed* “But the sign says it’s 40% off.”

Me: “Well, the computer says it’s 50% off.”

(The customer throws the blouse on the counter next to the cash register, says angrily:)

Customer: “Well, I don’t want it, then!” *storms off*

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