Lucky Number Thirteen

, , , , , | Right | December 28, 2019

(It is a few minutes before my shift is over and I am working the self-scans with a coworker. A woman asks me for help with a plastic bag containing a dozen small plastic bottles.)

Me: “What can I help you with?”

Customer: “I have these little bottles and when I scan the package it says that they’re a dollar twenty-nine.”

Me: “Well, it could be that the entire package is a dollar twenty-nine.”

Customer: “Actually, I think it means individually because I scanned another bottle and it came up as a dollar twenty-nine so I think it’s referring to each bottle by itself and not the whole package. See, the bottle I scanned is already here.”

(She shows me a small plastic bottle by the rest of her groceries and at that moment I realize she has thirteen small plastic bottles — the one she had scanned and is with her groceries, and the container that has twelve.)

Me: “Hold on one minute and I’ll check with my coworker.”

(I go to my coworker and she tells me to scan the bottles individually.)

Me: *to customer* “Okay, ma’am. I’ll just scan them separately. Since you’ve already scanned one, I’ll just scan the other twelve.”

Customer: “What do you mean? I only have twelve. I’ve scanned one, now you only have to scan eleven more.”

Me: “Well, ma’am, you actually have thirteen. There’s the one that you scanned, and the other twelve in this bag.”

Customer: “What do you mean? I’ve scanned one, so now there’s just eleven left to scan.”

Me: “Take a look. You’ve scanned one and there’s twelve in this bag so that’s thirteen.”

Customer: “No, that’s only twelve. I’ve scanned one and now eleven more have to be scanned.”

Me: “Here, ma’am, take a look.” *counts the bottles in the plastic bag and the one that she has by her groceries* “So, take the one that you have already scanned and the ones in this bag and that’s thirteen.”

Customer: “That’s right. It’s twelve. This one plus the other eleven, and that’s twelve.”

Me: “Yes, but you don’t have twelve. See, there’s the one that you’ve already scanned, plus I’m holding twelve. That makes it thirteen.”

(This exchange goes on for a second time as I try to explain to the customer that she actually has thirteen bottles.)

Customer: “Look! I don’t have time for this. Just give me twelve if that’ll make you feel better but I know I have eleven.”

(Instead, I gave her the “eleven” that she thought she had just to get rid of her as I just wanted to leave and go home to blow off some steam. Truth be told, though, after her getting angry with me, I actually felt compelled to add an extra five bottles to her order just to get even. Good thing common sense stopped me.)

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That Measurement Holds No Quarter With Him

, , , , | Right | December 26, 2019

(After I replace a $9.99 toilet seat with a ten-year warranty at nine years and six months — it is cracked and a hair is still sticking out — for one half of the married couple, the other half decides he wants to purchase a replacement mirror panel for their vanity in their bathroom. Not wanting to get this wrong after this event, I take extra effort to identify the vanity type and model, look at the measurements, and decide to ask the man to return home, measure the mirror size, and call me back to confirm. He agrees and calls back.)

Customer: “The mirror panel is eleven and a half inches by eight and two-eighths inches.”

Me: “Okay. Eleven and a half inches by eight and a quarter.”

Customer: “No, you idiot! Eight and two-eighths!”

(Pause.)

Me: “Eight and two-eighths it is.”

(It took four weeks to arrive. Two-eighths just didn’t compute.)

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Want To Solve This Math Problem? In Your Dreams!

, , , , , | Romantic | December 17, 2019

(My husband is in grad school and taking three difficult math courses this semester. He falls asleep studying in bed and I find him there when I come to bed a little later.)

Me: “Honey, you fell asleep studying! Do you want me to set some alarms on your phone for you?”

Husband: *mumbles* “Take the natural log…”

Me: “What? Okay, I guess I’ll just set a few. What time should they start?”

Husband: “An integer between one and eight.”

Me: “That… doesn’t make any sense.”

Husband: “What do you mean it doesn’t make sense?! It’s an integer between one and eight!”

(I gave up and went to bed. The next morning, he didn’t remember the conversation at all, but after he caught his breath from laughing, he said he knew exactly which homework problem he was dreaming about!)

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An Odd Way To Get Even

, , , , | Right | December 5, 2019

(I have just boxed six cupcakes for a customer.)

Customer: “You know what? Gimme two more. I don’t like uneven numbers.”

Me: *looking pointedly at the six cupcakes in the box* “Yes, sir.”

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That Would Have Your Bank Account Tied Up

, , , , , | Working | December 5, 2019

I was working in a school uniform shop one summer and in the heat, we were all a bit drowsy; the fan had broken and we were about half an hour away from closing time. 

A lady, the mother of someone I knew, came into the store to buy two school ties for her daughter and was served by my colleague. 

About two minutes later, she walked back into the store with her receipt out, her daughter right behind her, and explained that she’d been charged for 21 ties rather than 2! Our shop has a reputation for being expensive, but I don’t know how she thought we were charging over £100 for two ties; the price should have been around £12!

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