Back a decade or so ago, I was home from college between semesters, lounging with my brother, when I got a call from my mother. She sounded worked up, which isn’t usual, and asked me rather insistently if I knew how to count change. My confused response must not have inspired confidence because she said she was going to come home and make sure.

Sure enough, when she got home she started grabbing change to put on the table, asking us again if we knew how. My brother and I were able to talk her down a bit with several assurances that we did, in fact, have a basic understanding of currency, and we finally got the reason for all this. Mom had been out shopping and the cashier had given her the wrong change, and had apparently been entirely clueless about how to count it out. This had worked my mother up to the point where she apparently felt the need to make sure her sons weren’t in the same boat.

I can certainly understand why that would be a frustrating experience. But I can’t help but be amused that she feared that a student who had run As in the advanced math track, tested out of every math requirement in college, and was routinely referred to by friends and family as a “human calculator” would be incapable of counting change!

(I work at a party shop that sells balloons as well as the option to have them inflated with helium to make them float. A middle-aged customer walks in with balloons on ribbons that are tied to a balloon weight. The balloons are clearly just filled with air as they are dragging along the floor, not floating at all.)

Customer: “Hi! I’m so confused. I inflated the balloons that I bought from you but they’re not floating! Is something wrong with them?”

Me: “How did you inflate them? Did you hire a helium cylinder from us or do you have access to helium?”

Customer: “Oh! No, I just inflated them by mouth. I thought it would be cheaper than helium.”

Me: “Yes, it’s cheaper but balloons don’t float with air. They need to be inflated with helium to float.”

Customer: “Oh! Really?!”

(I can’t stop picturing the customer sitting at home, huffing and puffing away and not understanding why her breath isn’t making the balloons float.)

 Related:
No Helium For The Airhead, Part 2
No Helium For The Airhead

(I work in a copy shop. I come into the work first thing in the morning to find my supervisor in a panic because, apparently, there was an order from the night before that didn’t even get started, and the customer is coming in an hour after opening to pick it up, and my supervisor knows nothing about it. The email relayed to me isn’t much help, so I call my coworker to ask her what I need to do. She explains everything, and explains why there were troubles, and after understanding the order I hang up and get started on it as fast as I can. There is some design work that I need to do, as well, and I am a little stressed trying to get it done on time. The customer comes in to pick it up not twenty minutes later.)

Me: “Oh, I’ve just started it.”

Customer: “That’s okay. I’ll wait around for it. But I’ll pay for it now if you want.”

Me: “Great.” *starts ringing everything up*

Customer: “Oh, so, you’re only doing 75 cards, right?”

Me: “75 pages with two cards on a page, which gives you 150 cards. Right?”

Customer: “I want two on a page, yes, but I only want 75 cards total.”

Me: “I’m sorry, I must have misunderstood. I thought you wanted 150 cards total. I already sent 75 pages to print. That’s okay; I just won’t cut and fold all of them.”

Customer: “Okay, thank you so much.”

(The customer pays for 38 sheets, and I finish the order as quickly as I can, a little stressed as she’s waiting at the counter for it to be done and I also have to multitask and help other customers at the same time. I make sure to count them all out before handing them over.)

Me: “Okay, you’ve got 76 cards here, all ready to go!”

Customer: “Oh, no, I wanted 150.”

Me: “You said you wanted 75, after I said I thought you wanted 150.”

Customer: “Well, two per sheet, and 75 sheets. Which makes 150 cards.”

(I almost pulled my hair out.)

This happened in my junior life science class. The teacher was young and good looking but completely socially awkward and odd. He often laughed at his own jokes that really weren’t funny. One class in particular sticks in my head as the weirdest thing I ever witnessed.

We were studying the reproductive practices of different animals, sea turtles specifically on this day. Instead of just explaining it,  the teacher decided to do a… demonstration.

He proceeded to put a large cardboard box on his back to look like a turtle, placed a small container with sand in the back of the class — right next to my chair — and lay “eggs” to bury in the sand.

By eggs, I mean golf balls, which he placed between his legs and dropped into the sand to simulate laying eggs. Unfortunately for me, I was right in the view of his backside. It was the most awkward thing to ever happen to me in a class, and I about fell out of my chair, exclaiming, “OH, MY GOD!”

However, to this day, I do still remember exactly how sea turtles reproduce, so I guess his method worked?

(I work in a store that is next to a fast food restaurant. One day I go to the fast food place for lunch with a coworker who really hates stupidity. My coworker places his order, and it comes to $10.35. He gives the cashier a $20 bill and ¢35 in coin. The cashier looks at him in total confusion.)

Cashier: “Why did you give me the ¢35?”

Coworker: “So you don’t have to give me any change, just the bill.”

Cashier: “You don’t want your change?”

Coworker: “You just need to give me a $10 bill now, instead of giving me a lot of coins.”

Cashier: “So, you don’t want your change?”

(This goes on for another minute.)

Coworker: *getting very frustrated* “Just type exactly what I gave you into your till.”

(She does, and the till tells her to give back $10. She gives him his change, and he gets his food and leaves, very angry. After he is gone, I hear this while I’m waiting for my food.)

Cashier: “What a moron, says he doesn’t want his change, leaving me to think I’m getting a good tip. Then leaves nothing.”

(I then saw the cashier’s coworkers shake their heads. I got my food, went back to work, and told my coworker what happened after he left. He made a complaint later on and got three free meals, and we never saw that cashier again.)