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We’re Gonna Need A Bigger Can

, , , , | Right | March 3, 2009

(I am working at the paint desk when a customer calls the store.)

Customer: “Can you mix up my paint and have it ready when I get there? I have the formula.”

Me: “I can take the formula and stage it, but I can’t mix it until you arrive. What is the formula on the can?”

Customer: “It’s got 20% Magenta, 30% Cyan, 30% Yellow Oxide, and 30% White.”

Me: “It says that on the can?”

Customer: “No, that’s what I had them put in last time.”

Me: “Sir, that’s more than 100%. The formula you gave me is impossible to make.”

Customer: “I’ll just come down there and have someone who understands make it for me.” *click*

Heisenberg’s Uncertainty Stuffing

, , , | Right | February 13, 2009

Customer: *ordering stuffing*” I want that container. That one in the middle, yep.”

Me: “Do you want this whole thing full?”

Customer: “Oh, god, no. I want a little more than a half… but a little less than a third. Not too much.”

The Effect Of High Tide On Man-In-The-Moon Bowlers

, , , , , , | Right | December 19, 2008

(Note: We are two blocks away from the beach.)

Customer: “Your lanes are crooked.”

Me: “Sir, I assure you they are not crooked; we have lane inspectors that come in every eight weeks and check for that kind of thing.”

Customer: “No! MY LANE IS CROOKED! Every time I bowl, the ball goes to the right!”

Me: *glancing at the clock* “Well, you know, it’s about 1:30. The tide is coming in.”

Customer: “That has an effect on it?”

Me: “Oh, yeah. I mean, we’re only a few blocks from the beach…”

Customer: “Huh… well, I guess I’ll try to bowl more towards the left, then…”

You’re Just Compounding The Issue

, , | Right | December 12, 2008

(A customer has purchased a few items and is double-checking her receipt after the transaction went through. She has a membership card at the store, so she got a 10% discount.)

Customer: “So I got my discount on this?”

Me: “Yep. See there on each item, it says ‘Member 10%,’ and it shows what you saved.”

Customer: “Wait… is it 10% off each item, or 10% off the total?”

Me: “10% off the total. Well, it works out the same either way.”

Customer: “I thought it was supposed to be 10% off each item. I should be getting a bigger discount on the total.”

Me: “No, you got your discount! 10% off each item adds up to the same amount as 10% off the total.”

Customer: “No, I got 10% off the first item. Then 10% off the second item, so that’s 20%. And 10% off the third item; that’s 30%!”

Me: *pause* “No, that’s… that’s not how percentages work… I can show you on a calculator; it works out the same. You are getting the right discount.”

Customer: “No, it’s all right. But I know I won’t be getting this card again. I was told I was going to be getting a 10% discount on each item, and this really isn’t fair.”

(Maybe I should have mentioned to her that I’m a math major…)

A Nation Of Size Queens, Part 2

, , , , , | Right | November 5, 2008

Me: “Good evening! You have reached [Campground]. How can I help?”

Customer: “Excuse me, miss, but will I need my parka? I hear it’s only 28 degrees up there today.”

Me: “I wouldn’t imagine so. It’s hot and sunny outside. Everyone here is wearing shorts and t-shirts.”

Customer: “Are you crazy?! It’s 28 degrees!”

Me: “Sir, that’s in degrees Celsius.”

Customer: “What do you mean Celsius? Is that like the number on the thermometer? Are your thermometers smaller in Canada? Is that why it’s 28?”

Me: *gives up* “Yes. Have a great night.”


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