(I’m getting lunch and have asked for two slices of pizza.)

Cashier: “Are you sure you wouldn’t rather have a personal pan pizza? It’s one and a half slices and it’s only a dollar more.”

(Some of my friends want to introduce me to someone they think I will get along with. We are sitting at a table in the dining hall talking and the mathematical constant pi comes up.)

Girl #1: “What is pi anyway?”

Me & Girl #2: *simultaneously* “Pi is 3.1415926535897932384626433832795…”

(About half way through reciting it we both locked eyes and realized we were going to be good friends.)

(The local pizza chain in a small college town has a 10% discount for college students and employees. It was one of the places we’d often go to for lunch. Normally we’d each pay for our own meal, but on this day my coworker asks if I could cover for him since he forgot his wallet.)

Me: “I had the pizza buffet and a drink, and I’m also paying for [Coworker]’s buffet and drink. We work at the college and should get the 10% discount.”

Cashier: “Okay, so the it’s two buffets and two drinks, and each of you gets a 10% discount, so that’s 20% total discount. Your total is [amount].”

Coworker: “Um…”

Me: “Wait, that’s not how it works. The discount is only 10%.”

Cashier: “Yes. You each get 10% off, so that’s 20% total. You owe [amount].”

(Not knowing how to argue with that logic, I paid, and on the way out the door joked with my coworker.)

Me: “We need to bring the entire department out and maybe some others. If we got 10 people, everyone’s meal would be free! Would they even pay us if we brought 11 or more?”

(I’m a cashier at a place that sells small items of furniture, storage containers, and so on. We are having a 10% off sale. My last customer caused a huge amount of trouble due to getting angry and shouting over not understanding the difference between 10% and $10, so I’m feeling frazzled. A mother and her child, probably seven or eight, come up to my register and start unloading their items while they talk.)

Mother: *to the kid* “Now, this container was $19.95, but we bought two, so how much is that?”

Kid: “$39.90!”

Mother: “Well done! But remember, there’s 10% off today. What’s 10% of $39.90?”

Kid: “$3.99, so the real price would be… umm, $35.91?”

Mother: “That’s right! Nicely done! But now here comes the hard one, so look out! I have my membership card!”

(The child’s eyes widen. Membership cards give a further 25% discount.)

Kid: “Okay, okay, umm…”

Mother: “You can do it!”

(By this time, I’ve scanned the items and bagged them. Just as I’m about to say the total, the child beats me to it.)

Kid: “$26.93!”

Mother: “Fantastic job! I think we get to stop at the playground on the way home!”

Kid: “Yes!” *jumps up and down gleefully*

(After my last customer, a fully grown man who couldn’t understand what a percentage was, I’m literally dumbfounded. In the end, I call my manager and we give the mother a further employee discount, which her child also worked out.)

(I am in AP Calculus. At the beginning of the year my teacher divided us into groups with which we are allowed to work on homework and some test problems. My group is my two friends and I. We are really not bad at Calculus, but we are a little crazy sometimes and easily get off topic.)

Me: “Guys, we need a group name!”

Friend #1: “Okay… like what?”

Friend #2: “Well, it needs to be a math pun, obviously.”

(We Google ‘math puns’ but don’t find any that work for a group name, so we begrudgingly settle in to do homework. Then, a few minutes later…)

Friend #2: “Oh, my gosh! We’re the pirates! Get it? Pi-rates? Like, pi?!”

Me & Friend #1: “That’s awesome!”

Me: “Now we just need a theme song!”

Friend #1: “Seriously?”

Me: “Yes. And I’ve already got it! ‘We are the pi-rates who don’t derive anything. We just sit in our corner and cry. And if you ask us to derive anything, we’ll just tell you… we don’t know how.'”

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