I am a fifteen-year-old with autism so my mind works differently from others. I’m absolutely rubbish at maths and spend more time playing video games, reading, and watching “Harry Potter” and anime than I do studying or doing homework.

Me: “Last night, I got the Master Sword in Zelda!”

Mum: “Does the Master Sword help you with maths?”

Me: “Well… you need at least thirteen hearts to get the Master Sword without dying. You need four Spirit Orbs to get one Heart Container. You get one Spirit Orb per Shrine. Four times thirteen is fifty-two. I would need fifty-two Shrines to get the Master Sword.”

Later, I relay this story to one of my longest and closest friends who also has autism.

Friend: “I will never get your mind.”

Me: “One, I don’t think they were expecting that. Two, I didn’t even factor in the Heart Containers I got from Divine Beast Vah Ruta, Divine Beast Vah Naboris, and Divine Beast Vah Medoh. Zelda is educational for me.”

Friend: “I can see.”

(Our phone system is not working, so all of the phone calls are being redirected to our desk instead of the usual switchboard location. I have a customer calling about an inquiry.)

Customer: “Do you have watermelons?”

Me: “Yes, we do. We have lots. I think they’re on sale this week.”

Customer: “How much are they?”

Me: “They’re [total].”

Customer: “And how much do they weigh?”

Me: “Well, I’m not sure, but the price isn’t by weight but by quantity.”

Customer: “Yes, but how much do they weigh? Approximately how much do they weigh?”

Me: “I… I’m not sure. They’re all different weights because it isn’t by weight, but by quantity.”

Customer: “But how much do they weigh?!”

Me: *pause* “One moment while I transfer you to produce.”

(A girl has ordered a shake which costs $3.13. She gives me a five-dollar bill.)

Me: *to myself* “Okay, that’s $1.87.”

(I smile and hand the girl her change. She takes the money and counts it, and then she looks at me and says, rudely, I might add:)

Customer: “You need to give me another dollar.”

Me: “Umm… No, I gave you the correct amount.”

Customer: “No, you didn’t. I gave you a $5 bill. So you need to give me another dollar.” 

(One of my coworkers comes by and asks what’s happening.)

Me: “She paid with a—”

Customer: “I gave her a $5 bill. And she forgot to give me another dollar.”

(My coworker looks on our screen to see how much she paid.)

Coworker: “That looks right… but just in case.”

(He then pulls out his phone and calculates it. It is correct. He flashes his phone to her.)

Customer: “Oh.”

(Then, she walked away. No apology. No thank-you. Nothing. I don’t know if she was trying to short me or was stupid, but either way, wow.)

Nurse: *to a patient* “Do you want a flu shot while you’re here?”

Patient: “No, I don’t get flu shots.”

Nurse: “Oh. Have you had an adverse reaction to them?”

Patient: “No. Vaccines cause cancer. I know that because I’ve been to Japan. People there aren’t vaccinated, and no one gets cancer in Japan.”

A customer comes to my line with a buggy full of groceries. Before starting the transaction, she asks me to check the price of one of our seasonal toys.

Customer:
“Can you check the price on this for me?”

Me:
“Sure.” *Scans item* “Looks like it’s two for $10. So… $5.”

Customer:
“Okay. That’s fine.”

As I continue her transaction, her husband walks up to her holding the same toy. 

Husband:
“It said it was two for $10 over there, so that makes it what?”

The husband pauses to do the math in his head for a surprisingly long time.

Husband:
“$7.50 apiece.”

I have to turn away because I can’t help but laugh and I don’t want the customer to think I am being rude.

Customer:
“Uh, no, honey. They’re $5.”