She’s Getting Warm, Warmer, HOT!

, , , , , | Related | October 23, 2020

I’m trying to stimulate my daughter’s mnemonic ability with trivia and quizzes. Thanks to a recent accident that painted the bathroom tiles silver, we now know that modern thermometer tips contain a gallium, indium, and tin alloy called Galinstan. My daughter is now taking her temperature.

Me: “Do you remember what’s in the tip?”

Daughter: “Uh. Tin and… gallium and… indium.”

Me: “Very good. What’s the name?”

Daughter: “Tin… Sta… Sta… In… Gal… STALINGRAD!”

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Will Not Keep Your Opinions In The Interior

, , , , , | Right | October 19, 2020

I work as an architect and interior designer and have an amazing set of clients, but then there are always the occasional few who make you question your own sanity.

This particular client is my late father’s friend and he loves to keep reminding me of that. He approaches me about renovating his house.

Client: “Can your contractors do it in a minimal budget?”

Me: “I’ll get back to you when I’ve checked how much the requirements will cost. Give me about three days.”

Client: “You don’t understand the urgency! I’ll be taking only the designs from you, and I will hire my own contractor.”

This particular contractor has a big male ego and does not listen to a word I say, since I’m a woman. Unsurprisingly, it does not work out and the client has to come around and ask for my contractor.

Client: “Hey, so how much will your contractor charge to renovate the kitchen?”

Me: “It will cost you around $2300 and maximum $3000.”

Client: “Oh, $2300 works for me.”

Me: “It can go up to $3000, since the requirements are more.”

Client: “Okay, please try to keep it minimum.”

Me: “Sure.”

The work starts, and in the course of time, he comes to me with very high demands and expects the budget to remain well within the initial quote. I somehow manage to hold the budget at $2800 and am glad that it didn’t go above the initial quote.

On sending the invoice, I get a call from him and he is furious. I keep the call on speaker so that my partner can listen to this, as well.

Client: “You told me that it will cost $2300 and now you say $2800! Who the f*** do you think you are, trying to scam me?!”

I am quite alarmed but still manage to talk calmly.

Me: “I would appreciate it if you didn’t take that tone with me. I already told you earlier it could go up to $3000 and it’s come below that. I don’t know how much more I can help you.”

Client: “You have no sense of business and don’t know how to work professionally! You guys are incompetent and I won’t recommend you anywhere. You clearly don’t remember anything. You told me it’ll cost $2600 and maximum $3000 and now you say it’s $2800. How big a fool do you think I am?”

My partner comes over and speaks in a very calm yet stern voice, as I am speechless from the sheer stupidity.

Partner: “A big one. Please understand how basic math works and then call us. If you do not pay us, we will be suing you as we have everything on record with us. You have been extremely rude to [My Name] and she has been patient because you are her father’s friend. If you call her again and take the same tone, I will file a complaint against you for harassment and fraud. Do you understand that?”

Client: “Uh… but… uh… um… bye.”

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Just Give Her The Cold Shoulder

, , , , , , | Right | October 15, 2020

I work at a carwash and it’s the prime of winter. We usually close when the temps get below a certain temp to avoid car damages and upset customers, but the company decided we won’t be closing for that anymore. Apparently, money is more important than safety and quality.

It’s about thirteen degrees outside, I just opened up, and my first customer was right there waiting for us to do so. She purchases her wash and goes through, and when she pulls around to vacuum, she notices that ice has formed on her wheels and back windshield. She slams her door, throws down the vacuum hose, and stomps up to the office.

Customer: “I paid [total] and your wash put ice all over my car! I want my money back! You shouldn’t be open for business if you can’t control the ice, you f****** moron! What kind of place is this?!”

Me: “Ma’am, I can’t control the temps any more than you can. It is thirteen degrees outside and we use water to clean your vehicle. Water freezes at or below thirty-two degrees, so I’m just confused as to why you’re confused. I’ll give you your money back, however, as I guess with the heat blaring in your car you maybe forgot we’re in the middle of winter?”

Customer: “It’s not my job as the customer to know what temperature water will freeze at, nor is it my job to know when to wash my car and when not to! You say all this like it’s just common sense, and it’s not!”

Me: “You’re absolutely right. Here’s your money. Have a great day and come back to see us when it warms up!”

She rolled her eyes at me, snatched the money out of my hand, and stomped off back to her car. She got to her car and tried to open the door and it wouldn’t budge. She tried all the doors and none of them would budge. They were frozen shut! 

I was amazed that she didn’t stomp back up to me and say it was all my fault and I needed to pay to have her towed. But she didn’t. She stood out there in the cold waiting for a tow truck to arrive in her shameful karma.

I did wave for her to come up front and I was going to offer for her to sit in the heated office until the tow truck arrived, but she flipped me the bird when she saw me waving.

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Time To Order A Pie r²

, , , | Right | October 12, 2020

The missus and I get a bit of a hankering for a pizza so I give our local pizzeria a call and order an 18” meat feast for collection.

A short while later, I stroll down to the shop to collect it. While I am waiting for it to be boxed up, a woman comes bustling in and raps her knuckles imperiously on the counter demanding service; the only person serving was currently out the back dealing with my order.

The lass dutifully comes out, tells me that my pizza will be out shortly, and turns to the woman to take her order.

Customer: “I want two 12” meatball specials and be quick about it: I have two hungry kids at home!”

Me: “Excuse me, but if both pizzas are for your family, you’re better off getting one 18” pizza: it’s cheaper and you’ll get more pizza for your money.”

A 12” is £8.95: an 18” is £12.50.

Customer: *looks me up and down* “Don’t be stupid! Two 12” pizzas are more than one 18” one. It’s bloody obvious! Didn’t you do maths at school?”

Me: “I did… which is why I know one 18” pizza is bigger than two 12” ones by about 10%.”

She snorts derisively and turns to the lass serving.

Customer: “I’ll be back in twenty minutes… and my pizzas had better be ready!”

With that, she sweeps out in a cloud of cheap perfume. I look over to the lass serving who could barely contain her laughter:

Me: “We get this all the time. Doesn’t matter what you say, people never believe that the 18” is a better deal than two 12” ones. They always think we’re trying to rip them off.”

This is why you pay attention in maths class. The pizza was delicious!

Source: Reddit (Credit: GhostOfSorabji, Original Story)

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Sometimes Science Is More Art Than Science, Nana

, , , , , | Related | September 30, 2020

I am with my Nana, and I am watching “Rick And Morty.” One of the episodes revolves around concentrated dark matter. I go into the other room to check on my Nana. 

Nana: “What’s that show about?”

Me: “It’s about a boy and his grandfather who go on adventures. The grandfather’s a scientist, and he’s perfected dark matter, which gives him faster-than-speed-of-light travel.”

Nana: “What’s dark matter?”

Me: “Okay, you and I are made of matter, right?”

Nana: “Yes.”

Me: “Dark matter is basically antimatter.”

Nana just has a blank look.

Me: “How do I explain this? Everything on Earth is made of matter, but space is basically antimatter because it has no substance.”

Nana still has a blank look.

Me: “I’m only confusing you, aren’t I?”

Nana: “Yes.”

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