Go MacGuyver Go

, , | Right | October 14, 2008

(I work at a bulk food store, where prices are given on the bins for 100 grams, and 1 pound of the product.)

Customer: “Why isn’t this weighing in pounds? The sign had it in pounds!”

Me: “The signs have it in both pounds and grams, and since Canada uses the metric system, we weigh according to kilograms.”

Customer: “Kilograms are not grams!”

Me: “Grams go into kilograms, sir.”

Customer: “No, they don’t! I am the customer, and I want this scale to weigh in pounds!”

(Note that this is a scale only weighs in kilograms, with ‘kg’ painted on permanently next to the display.)

Me: “That’s impossible, sir.”

Customer: “No, it’s not; it’s what I want. I work with computers. I can change this.”

Me: “You do that…”

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Water You, Stupid

, , , , | Right | June 30, 2008

(While passing through airport security, a passenger’s bag needs to be pulled because the x-ray operator sees an obvious big bottle of water when the limit is 3.4 oz.)

Me: “Whose bag is this?”

Passenger: “Oh! Oh! Oohhh! It’s mine! Is there something wrong?”

Me: “I just need to take a quick look inside, ma’am. This shouldn’t take more than a couple of minutes.”

Passenger: “Well, hurry. I think they’re boarding my plane.”

(I open her bag and find the bottle almost immediately. She gasps as I pull it out.)

Me: “Ma’am, I’m afraid you cannot have this beyond this point.”

Passenger: “Why not? I just bought it, and it’s unopened!”

Me: “Ma’am, the rules clearly state that you cannot have any liquids over 3.4 oz in your carry on. If you’d like to, you could–”

Passenger: “But that’s not a liquid!”

Me: “Excuse me, ma’am?”

Passenger: “It’s not a liquid! It’s water! W-A-T-E-R! You know, H-2-O? For the love of God, don’t they hire anyone with more than a grade school education for security?”

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Math Is Your Friend, Part 3

, | Right | May 17, 2008

(We are having a sale: 4 bags of liquorish for $12. I ring each bag up individually, and it shows up as $3 a bag.)

Customer: “I don’t want those if they come up to $3 a bag. It said they were 4 for $12.”

Me: “But if you’re buying 4, at $3 a piece, that’s $12.”

Customer: “No, that’s $3 a bag. I want all 4 for $12!”

Me: “Okay…”

 

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DNA Is Such A Bother Anyway

, , , | Right | December 13, 2007

Me: “Is she your biological child?”

Customer: “No, no, she’s natural. No scientific stuff.”

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Who Needs Math When You Can Sue

, , | Right | October 28, 2007

Pizza Customer: “I ordered a pizza: half pepperoni, half sausage… and half plain.”

Me: “Lady, there are only two halves in a whole.”

Pizza Customer: “I know there are only two halves in a whole! I’m a lawyer; this treatment is unfair and I demand satisfaction!”

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