They’re Not In The Upper Percentile, Part 2

, , , , , | Right | December 18, 2018

Me: “All right, your total is $10 and with your 20% off coupon, your total now comes to $8.”

Customer: “What?! But I thought that coupon would take off, like, half the price!”

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They’re Not In The Upper Percentile

Breaking Bad At Math

, , , , , | Learning | December 15, 2018

(I work as an assistant in a high school, helping in classes with kids who need extra assistance. On this day I am in a math class, assisting a freshman boy who isn’t one of the students I am assigned to; because of his immaturity, he tends to spend class time joking and goofing off and then needs help catching up. I am walking him through a problem when he suddenly interrupts with one of his jokes.)

Student: “I don’t need to learn math; I’m going to be a drug dealer and make mad bank!”

Me: *without missing a beat* “Oh! Well, then, you definitely need math; how else will you know who owes you money?”

(The look on his face was priceless, and he and I got along just fine for the rest of my time working in that class. He was failing at the start of the year but later went on to get a passing grade!)

Fighting For “Equals” Rights

, , , | Right | December 11, 2018

(I am cutting fabric at the fabric counter, and I call for the next number to be served. A woman approaches with a bolt of faux fur, which is currently 40% off.)

Customer: “I would like one yard, please.”

(I scan the label on the bolt. Note: the original, non-sale price listed on the bolt is $14.99. We always let the customers know what the price is and if it’s on sale before we cut, in case they were planning on using coupons, etc.)

Me: *with my usual chipperness* “Okay, it’s $8.99 a yard, and it is on sale today!”

Customer: *suddenly scowling* “No, that’s not right. I thought you said it was on sale?”

Me: “Yes. It’s $8.99 on sale, normally $14.99.”

Customer: “It’s supposed to be 40% off!”

Me: “It is—”

(Before I can finish, she storms away, mumbling about finding the section to check the sale sign. She walks to the fur aisle, with the 40% off signs posted, and marches back, looking even more perturbed. At this point, I’m thinking perhaps she’s confused about what the original price was.)

Me: “Ma’am, $8.99 is the sale price at 40% off; it’s originally $14.99.”

Customer: *looking at me like I’ve just told her the earth is flat* “No, that’s not right! That’s too much!”

(She pulls out her phone to piddle on her calculator while I pull up the calculator on my hand-held and re-calculate it multiple times, coming up with the same figure. When I show her, she still doesn’t believe me, and smugly shows me her phone calculator.)

Customer: “See?! It should only be $5.97! You’re wrong!”

Me: “That’s not 60% of $14.99. Fifty percent of $14.99 is $7.50 if you think about it, so it would have to be more than that.”

(She starts punching numbers into her phone again. I’m biting back frustration and looking for a pen and a piece of paper to go full-on School House Rock on this lady and draw a diagram or something. Suddenly she stops and her face falls flat as she looks at her phone.)

Customer: “Oh. I see. I had, uh, just forgotten to hit the ‘equal’ button. Whatever.”

(I went on to cut her fabric without mentioning another word about it, and resisted the urge to bang my head on the fabric counter.)

Someone Inform Neil DeGrasse-Tyson What’s REALLY Happening

, , , , | Related | December 2, 2018

(My cousin and her family, including her two-year-old son, have come to visit us. The clouds cover the sun.)

Nephew: “Who turned off the lights?”

(Silence as we’re all trying not to laugh. He doesn’t understand when we try to explain about the clouds covering up the sun.)

Me: “The sun is playing peek-a-boo.”

(He was happy with that explanation.)

Sodium So Dum

, , , , , , , | Learning | November 20, 2018

(I go to a Catholic high school, and we have a couple of awesome priests who are science teachers. These teachers have some sodium metal — which explodes on contact with water — for demonstration purposes, but decide that it is probably getting too old to keep around, so they decide to get rid of it. One night it is absolutely pouring rain, and there are some huge puddles in the parking lot, which is under reconstruction. This seems like the perfect opportunity, and so the two of them have a marvelous time chucking pieces of sodium into the puddles and listening to the boom. Unfortunately, someone nearby hears the boom and thinks someone is doing something unsavory, and calls the police. When they realize the police are heading to them, one of them goes in and quickly puts on his priest collar. When they greet the cops, the following exchange occurs.)

Cop: “Sorry to disturb you Father, but the neighbors reported hearing something like an explosion over here. Have you heard anything?”

Priest: “We didn’t hear anything unexpected, officer!”

Cop: “Okay, sorry to bother you. Must be a false alarm.”

(The priests thanked them for stopping by and somehow kept straight faces through it all. It was totally the truth, though; they completely expected to hear explosions!)

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