At Least They’re Not An Anti-Vaxxer

, , , , | Right | February 21, 2020

(I work at an animal shelter that has a low-cost spay/neuter clinic to the public. We also offer cheaper surgeries for people who are getting feral cat colonies fixed. It’s $20 for males and $25 for females. They include two vaccines as well as the surgery. This lady brings in four ferals for surgery, and we remind her of the costs and we have them pay at pickup so we know the sexes of the cats. She ends up with three males and one female, so a total of $85. We have to itemize the charges when we make the receipt, so it’s broken down to $5 for each of the neuters, $10 for her spay, $8 for each rabies shot, and $7 for the feline combo shot. She comes to pick up and I tell her $85, so she hands me her card and notices my itemized list on her paperwork. She asks if she can take a look and I hand it over. She then freaks out.)

Client: “You didn’t tell me the vaccines were extra!”

Me: “They’re not. It’s a package, all for 20/25.”

Client: “No! You wrote right here! Charging me an extra $32 for their rabies and $28 for the combo shots! Why am I being charged so much?! You said it was only 20/25 for their surgeries!”

Me: “But that’s what you are being charged for—”

Client: “No, I’m not! You have it right here extra for the vaccines!”

Me: “Ma’am… It’s not extra. The two vaccines are included in the cost.”

Client: “NO, THEY’RE NOT!”

(I then had to bring out my calculator and show her that 20+20+20+25=85, as well as that $15 for her three neuters, plus $10 for her spay, plus $32 for her four rabies, plus $28 for the combo shot still equaled $85. She then reluctantly paid the $85, took her cats, and left. I hate math.)

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This Level Of Stupid Can Wait Until Morning

, , , , , | Right | February 19, 2020

(The supermarket I work at is having a five-for-ten-dollar sale on twelve-packs of Coke products. We have a customer call the store regarding said sale.)

Customer: “I was in the store earlier and I was incorrectly charged for the soda.”

Me: “All right, how much were you charged?”

Customer: “Well, I bought five twelve-packs and I was charged two dollars each. I want them at the advertised five for ten dollars.”

Me: “Uh, ma’am, you were charged correctly. At five for ten dollars, each item will be two dollars.”

Customer: “No, it isn’t! Five for ten dollars is not the same as two dollars each! I want them for the advertised sale price! I want to speak to a manager!”

(At this point, I hand the phone over to my manager and he gets an earful from the customer.)

Manager: “No, ma’am, I can assure you that [My Name] was not trying to scam you. You were charged the correct price.”

(My manager gets another earful from the customer and he gives up trying to argue with her.)

Manager: “All right, ma’am. The next time you come in, bring your receipt to our service desk and they’ll fix it for you. I’m sorry for the confusion.”

(My manager hangs up the phone and turns to me.)

Manager: “The front end can deal with her when she comes in first thing tomorrow morning. I’m done dealing with customers.”

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The Solution Is Math

, , , , | Working | February 3, 2020

(I work as a chemist. I’m fairly new, and one of the youngest people working. An internal customer comes in, wanting help interpreting the data I sent him. Note: this man has a PhD in chemistry.)

Customer: “I need this in percent! You sent it in… ppm?? What is that?!”

Me: “It stands for part per million.”

Customer: “Well, how do I get percent?

Me: “You have to convert to part per hundred. It’s just an order of magnitude conversion.”

Customer: “Part per hundred isn’t what I need, either! I need percent!”

Me: “Part per hundred is percent. That’s what percent literally means. Per hundred.”

Customer: “No, it doesn’t!”

(Repeat for ten minutes. I eventually gave up and did the conversion for him. Makes me wonder what math classes he took in that PhD.)

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Hiring Him Doesn’t Add Up

, , , , , | Working | January 27, 2020

(I am a handyman and almost always work alone, but I am working on a bigger project and could use some assistance. As I am leaving [Home Improvement Store], a young man comes up to me.)

Young Man: “Hey, man, need some help? I need a job real bad.”

(The baggy clothes, cigarette hanging from his lip, and dirty appearance turn me off, but I am willing to perhaps see if he might have some skills I can use.)

Me: “How are your math skills?”

Young Man: *proudly* “I don’t need no stinkin’ math; I’m gonna be a carpenter!”

(I assured him that I did not need his help.)

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Using His Brain Is A One-Time Thing

, , , , , | Right | January 24, 2020

(A customer comes in with a coupon we are running that allows them to buy six bagels and get six free. We have some specialty bagels that are not covered under the coupon and add 55 cents more a piece to the final total.)

Customer: “Hi, I’d like to do this deal.” *shows me the coupon*

Me: “Great. Have you been here before, and do you know that the specialty bagels are 55 cents more?”

Customer: “55 cents? No problem.”

(The customer picks ten specialty bagels and two regular bagels. If he had picked all regular bagels the total would have been $6.60.)

Me: “All right, your total is $11.50.”

Customer: “What?! I thought it would be like $7.”

Me: “Well, yeah, but you got ten specialty bagels and I explained that there was a cost increase.”

Customer: “$7 plus 55 cents does not equal more than $11!”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, maybe I didn’t explain it properly; they are 55 cents more each.”

Customer: “I thought it was just a one-time fee of 55 cents.”

(Sadly, one of the owners was there and told me to charge the specialty bagels at the regular price so it was $6.60. The same customer has pretended to misunderstand that explanation several times now and I have learned my lesson to say that the upcharge is for each bagel, not a one-time fee.)

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