A Calculated Whisk

, , , , , | Right | January 22, 2010

(A customer arrives to pick up the meal he ordered over the phone.)

Me: “So, you would like to add two chocolate shakes to your phone-in order?”

Customer: “Yes, please.”

(I crack out the calculator to add the two orders and sales tax.)

Customer: “Typical! Teenagers can’t solve any problems without a calculator.”

Me: “Okay, then, what’s your total?”

Customer: “I don’t know. Let me see the calculator.”

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When Stupidity Hits The Pint Of No Return

, , , , | Right | January 20, 2010

Customer #1: “I see you changed your sizes?”

Me: “Yeah, we had to change it from pint and quart because too many people were asking which was bigger. Now we’ve got large and small.”

Customer #1: “They can’t tell by the price?”

Me: “Maybe they aren’t stressing it in schools anymore.”

(A second customer walks in and looks at a menu for a second.)

Customer #1: “But that is sad, kids don’t know which is bigger.”

Customer #2: “What’s bigger?”

Me: “Pint or a quart.”

Customer #2: “That’s pathetic.”

(A few moments of silence pass.)

Customer #2: “So, which is bigger, the large or the small?”

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A Misunderstanding Of Pi

, , , | Right | January 1, 2010

Me: “Hello, can I help you?”

Customer: “Yeah, I’d like a large pepperoni pie and a bottle of [Soda] delivered to [address].”

Me: “Okay, your total is [total]. That’ll be about a half-hour. Is that all?”

Customer: “Oh, also, how much extra would it cost to have my pie be 16 slices instead of 8? Because I’m really hungry tonight.”

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Future Underwater Basketweaving Majors

, , | Right | December 31, 2009

(I work in a clothing clearance outlet and I’m helping a kid pick out a pair of shoes whilst his mother is on the phone.)

Customer: “How much are these shoes?”

Me: “$100, but we’re having a sale with 50% off the price of everything in store, so those will end up being $50.”

Customer: “So, they’re free?”

Me: “No, they’re $50.”

Customer: “But 50% off $50 equals nothing, so they’re free!”

Me: “No, the original price is $100. It’s 50% off that price, which ends up being $50.”

Customer: “Hey, mum, these shoes are free!”

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I Can See Clearly Now The Brain Is Gone

, , , | Right | September 30, 2009

Me: “Hello, may I help you?”

Customer: “I need binoculars.”

(I show him a selection of binoculars.)

Customer: “No, no, no. Not one of these. I want one with a magnification of fifty or so.”

Me: “I’m sorry, there are no binoculars with a magnification of fifty.”

Customer: “Are you saying I’m wrong? I’m an engineer. I have two diplomas. Two! I know how things work, thank you!”

(He grabs one of the binoculars, holds it the wrong way round and looks through it.)

Customer: “This one’s broken!”

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