The Effect Of High Tide On Man-In-The-Moon Bowlers

, , , , | Right | December 19, 2008

(Note: We are two blocks away from the beach.)

Customer: “Your lanes are crooked.”

Me: “Sir, I assure you they are not crooked; we have lane inspectors that come in every eight weeks and check for that kind of thing.”

Customer: “No! MY LANE IS CROOKED! Every time I bowl, the ball goes to the right!”

Me: *glancing at the clock* “Well, you know, it’s about 1:30. The tide is coming in.”

Customer: “That has an effect on it?”

Me: “Oh, yeah. I mean, we’re only a few blocks from the beach…”

Customer: “Huh… well, I guess I’ll try to bowl more towards the left, then…”

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You’re Just Compounding The Issue

, | Right | December 12, 2008

(A customer has purchased a few items and is double-checking her receipt after the transaction went through. She has a membership card at the store, so she got a 10% discount.)

Customer: “So I got my discount on this?”

Me: “Yep. See there on each item, it says ‘Member 10%,’ and it shows what you saved.”

Customer: “Wait… is it 10% off each item, or 10% off the total?”

Me: “10% off the total. Well, it works out the same either way.”

Customer: “I thought it was supposed to be 10% off each item. I should be getting a bigger discount on the total.”

Me: “No, you got your discount! 10% off each item adds up to the same amount as 10% off the total.”

Customer: “No, I got 10% off the first item. Then 10% off the second item, so that’s 20%. And 10% off the third item; that’s 30%!”

Me: *pause* “No, that’s… that’s not how percentages work… I can show you on a calculator; it works out the same. You are getting the right discount.”

Customer: “No, it’s all right. But I know I won’t be getting this card again. I was told I was going to be getting a 10% discount on each item, and this really isn’t fair.”

(Maybe I should have mentioned to her that I’m a math major…)

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A Nation Of Size Queens, Part 2

, , , , | Right | November 5, 2008

Me: “Good evening! You have reached [Campground]. How can I help?”

Customer: “Excuse me, miss, but will I need my parka? I hear it’s only 28 degrees up there today.”

Me: “I wouldn’t imagine so. It’s hot and sunny outside. Everyone here is wearing shorts and t-shirts.”

Customer: “Are you crazy?! It’s 28 degrees!”

Me: “Sir, that’s in degrees Celsius.”

Customer: “What do you mean Celsius? Is that like the number on the thermometer? Are your thermometers smaller in Canada? Is that why it’s 28?”

Me: *gives up* “Yes. Have a great night.”

 

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Go MacGuyver Go

, , | Right | October 14, 2008

(I work at a bulk food store, where prices are given on the bins for 100 grams, and 1 pound of the product.)

Customer: “Why isn’t this weighing in pounds? The sign had it in pounds!”

Me: “The signs have it in both pounds and grams, and since Canada uses the metric system, we weigh according to kilograms.”

Customer: “Kilograms are not grams!”

Me: “Grams go into kilograms, sir.”

Customer: “No, they don’t! I am the customer, and I want this scale to weigh in pounds!”

(Note that this is a scale only weighs in kilograms, with ‘kg’ painted on permanently next to the display.)

Me: “That’s impossible, sir.”

Customer: “No, it’s not; it’s what I want. I work with computers. I can change this.”

Me: “You do that…”

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Water You, Stupid

, , , , | Right | June 30, 2008

(While passing through airport security, a passenger’s bag needs to be pulled because the x-ray operator sees an obvious big bottle of water when the limit is 3.4 oz.)

Me: “Whose bag is this?”

Passenger: “Oh! Oh! Oohhh! It’s mine! Is there something wrong?”

Me: “I just need to take a quick look inside, ma’am. This shouldn’t take more than a couple of minutes.”

Passenger: “Well, hurry. I think they’re boarding my plane.”

(I open her bag and find the bottle almost immediately. She gasps as I pull it out.)

Me: “Ma’am, I’m afraid you cannot have this beyond this point.”

Passenger: “Why not? I just bought it, and it’s unopened!”

Me: “Ma’am, the rules clearly state that you cannot have any liquids over 3.4 oz in your carry on. If you’d like to, you could–”

Passenger: “But that’s not a liquid!”

Me: “Excuse me, ma’am?”

Passenger: “It’s not a liquid! It’s water! W-A-T-E-R! You know, H-2-O? For the love of God, don’t they hire anyone with more than a grade school education for security?”

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