I’m in the middle of a three-hour flight. A guy in front of me calls the flight attendant over.

Flight Attendant: “Yes, sir?”

Passenger: “Could you turn the noise down? It’s too loud.”

Flight Attendant: “Noise?”

Passenger: “Yes! That humming and vibrating. It’s very distracting.”

This passenger and I are in that group of rows next to the wing and engine.

Flight Attendant: “You mean the engine?”

Passenger: “Whatever it is that’s causing that noise!”

Flight Attendant: “Sir, allow me to politely explain how airplanes work…”

I tried not to laugh as this guy got a child’s explanation of aerodynamics. After the flight attendant leaves, I hear the passenger say to his partner sniffily:

Passenger: “We’re more than halfway there, I’m sure we could just glide the rest of the way…”

My friend works in a fast-food burger place. She’s spending her day off with me shopping at the mall, so we decide to go into her place of work for a cheap lunch. This was before ordering touchscreens, so customers are still ordering at the counter with a human being.

My Friend: “Oh, do you have a card on you? Let’s not pay cash.”

Me: “Why not?”

My Friend: “[Girl] is working the checkout today.”

Me: “And that’s… bad?”

My Friend: “Watching her trying to figure out how to give back change during a cash transaction is like watching my dog trying to find a tennis ball after I fake throw it. It’s funny at first, but then you get tired of shouting at her the basic instructions. Trust me, pay with card.”

We line up and when it’s our turn, my friend and the girl working share a few coworker pleasantries, and then we order.

Girl At Counter: “Okay, so that’s two [combo meals]. And with your employee discount, that should be $186.80.”

My Friend: “Uh…”

Girl At Counter: “What?”

My Friend: “I think instead of taking 10% off, you added 1000%.”

Girl At Counter: “I did?”

My Friend: “Not unless the price of two combo meals went from $18.68 to $186.80 overnight.”

Girl At Counter: “Oh, ha. I guess…”

My Friend: “So… you gonna fix it?”

Girl At Counter: “Fix what?”

My friend sighs, walks around the counter, and fixes the price herself. We pay the correct price, get our food, and discuss what just happened while we eat.

My Friend: “I don’t even know how she did that; there’s no button for it or anything…”

There’s a partial solar eclipse happening in the UK on August 12th, 2026. A few friends and I have met up at a good vantage point to enjoy looking at the sun gradually disappear through the special glasses, organised by a friend who is very interested in astronomy.

One of our friends, who is not interested in astronomy, is trying to figure out what he’s looking at.

Friend: “Wow, that’s amazing, but I have a question.”

Astronomy Friend: “Sure thing! I’m pretty sure I can answer any question you have about the eclipse.”

Friend: “How is it that the Earth can block the view of the sun way over there. Aren’t we on Earth over here?”

Astronomy Friend: “…I retract my statement.”

Related:
Total Eclipse Of The Brain, Part 11
Total Eclipse Of The Brain, Part 10
Total Eclipse Of The Brain, Part 9
Total Eclipse Of The Brain, Part 8
Total Eclipse Of The Brain, Part 7

Customer: “You’re having a 10% off everything sale?”

Me: “That’s right!”

Customer: “How much is that?”

Me: “That’s 10% off your entire purchase.”

Customer: “Yes, but how much is that? Like, how many dollars do I save?”

Me: “That’s entirely dependent on how much you spend.”

Customer: “I have to spend money to get the discount?”

Me: “Well, yeah, otherwise how—”

Customer: “—Ugh! These stores are all the same! You always gotta spend something to get something!” *Walks away.*

Our fast-food location has introduced artificial intelligence drive-thru checkout assistants. Basically, the customer talks to an AI that is programmed to take their order, answer questions, and upsell where it can. It’s truly terrible, but that’s not the point of this particular story.

Another thing to note is that we close at midnight and open up again at 6 AM for breakfast.

I’m setting things up for breakfast one morning, and the opening manager walks over to me, looking confused.

Manager: “Can you check the CCTV from last night?”

Me: “I can. Why? What happened?”

Manager: “Just pull up the CCTV for the drive-thru, from about 12:30 AM onward.”

I do so and see a young guy pull up to the drive-thru. Even though we’re closed, the AI screen is still active. It automatically informs the customer that we’re closed but is happy to answer any follow-up questions. I turn up the volume and listen:

AI: “Hi there! Sorry, but we’re closed until 6 AM for breakfast. Would you like the address of the nearest 24-hour [Chain Restaurant]?”

Customer: “Sure, I’d like that, but first I was wondering: the equation 24×2+25x−47ax−2=−8x−3−53ax−2 is true for all values of x≠2a, where a is a constant. What is the value of a?”

AI: “Oh, good question! The value of a is -3. Let me tell you how I solved it…”

Because the AI shows what it’s saying as text on a screen, the driver has his phone out and is recording the AI both audibly and visually.

AI: “…and that’s how you get the value of a. Now, did you want those directions to the nearest 24-hour [Chain Restaurant], or perhaps you had any questions about our menu for when this location opens for breakfast?”

Customer: “Yeah, breakfast sounds great, but before I can have that I need to get the value of a for this question…”

This goes on for ten more questions and takes over an hour. I don’t listen to the whole thing, but I skip to the end to hear the tail end of the conversation, where the guy thanks the machine and drives away.

I go back to the manager.

Manager: “Did you see the footage?”

Me: “I did.”

Manager: *Gesturing to his computer screen, which shows the AI transcripts.* “Can you explain what the f*** I’m looking at?”

Me: “You’re looking at someone who wants to get their homework done but doesn’t want to use up any AI tokens.”