I am in my neuroanatomy class. The professor puts up a diagram of the brain with various regions highlighted in different colors for easy emphasis and differentiation. A student in the lecture hall raises their hand.
Student: “Is the brain really colored that way?”
They weren’t joking.
I am a lifeguard. A man walks up to me.
Swimmer: “What temperature is lane three in the lap pool?”
Me: “Seventy-seven degrees.”
Swimmer: *Scratches his head* “That’s too cold. What temperature are the other lanes?”
Our store has these gorgeous onyx pieces carved into egg shapes.
Customer: “What type of animal is an onyx?”
Me: “It’s a mineral.”
Customer: “Ah… so, that’s why it lays eggs?”
Me: “What? No, these are not eggs. They’re stones.”
Customer: “Oh, so they’re fossils?”
I sell stuff for display in retail stores, such as risers. A customer inquires, so I send them an inventory list that clearly shows that I have about twenty cylinder risers and thirty cube risers of various heights and finishes. They order six cubes all in the same height and finish.
I have them sent to the customer, and I get a call when they arrive.
Customer: “You sent me the wrong ones!”
I check the emails between us and check with the warehouse, and everything is in order. I assume it can only be a factory mistake.
Me: “I can’t identify the problem, but we’ll send the right cubes immediately at our cost, and I’ll have the other ones picked up, as well.”
Just to make sure, I get my factory to open the boxes we are sending and make sure they are the right forms.
When they get them two days later, they call back again.
Customer: *Screaming* “You sent me the wrong ones again! Are you inept or just stupid?”
Me: *Holding my tongue* “I don’t understand. I had the warehouse check the boxes and make sure the cubes were, in fact, the cubes you requested.”
Customer: “Well, I don’t want the square cubes. I want the round cubes.”
Working in a retail photo processing department, I’ve had several requests like this.
Customer: “Can you make this photo eight inches by ten inches?”
They hand me a panoramic photo. They expect me to fit the photo into those dimensions without cropping or letterboxing. I attempt to explain why that can’t be done.
Customer: “Why can’t you just fill in the top and bottom of the frame with what was there when I took the picture?”
Me: “The camera didn’t capture that information.”
The final response is always the threat to go somewhere else, and I wonder how many times they’re told “no” before accepting it.
