Customer: “I’m looking for some astronology books for my son.”

Me: “Sir, you mean like space and stars?”

Customer: “Yeah, that one. It’s for school. But nothing too lefty.”

Me: “Lefty?”

Customer: “Yeah, nothing that tries to say God doesn’t exist.”

Me: “I’m sure most of the astronomy books will just focus on the science.”

Customer: “See! That’s what I mean! There won’t be no science in my house!”

And with that he stalked off, looking at his phone that science made.

I work in a call center for a store. The store is running a promotion on a particular product. It’s resulted in some stupid questions.

Caller #1: “If [bottled item] is buy-one-get-one-free, how many do I have to buy to get a free bottle?”

And:

Caller #2: “If this is two for $10, how much money is four bottles?”

When I explained on multiple phone calls that the promotion makes it $5 each, they would ask if I was sure, and then they would check their calculators and state that they were impressed with my math.

I studied at a university north of the Arctic Circle. That means that the sun never sets during the summer and never rises in the winter. It also means that when it’s dark outside, the inhabitants can quite frequently get Northern Lights (aurora borealis). This is a beautiful spectacle — nature’s own light show colouring the sky.

One evening in August, I was walking my dog around a lake near the university housing estate. It was very late, but the sun never sets, so it was still bright as day. On a bench near the path, there were a couple of foreign exchange students sitting, looking up and waiting. They both spoke English with a heavy foreign accent, so I really can’t blame them too much for not knowing the details about this, but it was funny nonetheless. As I passed by, one of them asked me:

Student: “Excuse me. Do you know when we can see the Northern Lights?”

Me: “Ehm… Yes. Yes, I do. They are visible when it’s dark outside. Which is… a few months from now.”

They were laughing as they walked back to their dorms. I wonder how long they would have waited before giving up.

I ring a guy up for beer that totals out to $19.66. I make it a point to verbally say a customer’s total as well as the cash that they give me to avoid any confusion.

The guy gives me $20.51 and, repeating it back to him, I hand him his 85 cents in change.

The guy looks at his receipt, his change, and back at me in confusion.

Guy: “What the h***? What am I supposed to do with all this change?”

Me: “Your total was $19.66. You gave me $20.51. Your change is 85 cents.”

Guy: “Wow, thanks a lot, man. Unbelievable. Didn’t you see I was counting all the change in my hand?”

He stormed off like a large, angry child.

I get not wanting to get a ton of change, but that basic math skill is on you as a customer. I don’t know what your intentions are. Maybe you need more quarters for laundry? Maybe you just wanted to get rid of the one penny you had? It blows my mind how minor inconveniences like these will set some people off into a full-on tantrum in public.

I’m at work, and I notice that my coworker on the next till is looking really puzzled. Our tills tell us exactly how much change to give. I walk over and see that the till says to give eighty-five cents in change, and [Coworker] has three quarters in her hand.

Coworker: “How do I get to eighty-five cents?!”

She was completely stumped. She’s also an honors student.