Put You Foot In Your Mouth For That One

, , , , | Right | March 7, 2019

(I am fresh out of massage school, working for a spa chain. Before I start, they give me a list of modalities, so I can put check marks next to which ones I do — for example, prenatal massage, hot stone therapy — but since I am fresh out of school I don’t do much. I check boxes for Swedish, deep-tissue massage, hands and feet, and that’s about it. This chart is for front desk eyes only, at some point they accidentally leave it on the counter and my client sees it. I take my client back and ask what he’d like to work on.)

Client: “Do you specialize in anything other than hands and feet?”

Me: “I actually do not specialize in hands and feet. We can fit the massage to whatever is bothering you, or we could do a full body.”

Client: “It says up front that you specialize in hands and feet.”

Me: “I’m sorry, I’m not sure where it says that, but I do not specialize in hands and feet. Are there any areas that are sore or bothering you?”

Client: *getting flustered* “Well, it says all you do is hands and feet, and I’m just trying to ask what else you specialize in!”

Me: “I don’t really have an area of the body that I specialize in. I can work on anything that you want.”

Client: *getting madder* “Okay. So. Hands and feet? You don’t specialize in anything else?!”

Me: *getting nervous* “We could do whatever you like. Or a full body. Would you like a full body?”

Client: “No! I guess I’ll take half the time on my feet and the other half on my hands.”

Me: *defeated* “Okay. I’ll step out of the room to wash my hands. You can put your clothes on the chair and get under the covers, face down.”

(During the foot massage, he mentioned twice that he could barely feel anything, and both times I told him that was as deep as I could go and offered to work on a different area. Both times he said no. Then, after the massage, he told the front desk that it was the “weirdest” massage he’d ever had. When they relayed the message I told them that it was the weirdest massage I’d ever given! This is when I discovered they’d left the paper out where I had put a check by “hands and feet.”)

Not Even Going To Try To Massage The Truth

, , , , , | Right | August 8, 2018

(My father decides to buy us both 25-minute massages from a small store in a mall. In the store there is one other couple getting foot massages, and a slew of workers. About ten minutes into his massage, my father passes out because he got overheated. When he wakes up, the workers, the security supervisor of the mall, two mall cops, and I are all standing there waiting for an ambulance to arrive. I then hear the security supervisor talking to the lady getting a foot massage, and although I only hear one side of the conversation, I have a pretty good idea of what is being said.)

Security Supervisor: “What?”

Security Supervisor: “No, I can’t massage your feet.”

Security Supervisor: “I don’t work here.”

It’s Not Therapeutic To Be This Stressed

, , , , , | Working | June 19, 2018

I’m working a normal day at the massage studio when something I’ve never experienced happens.

A client is booked for a session at a certain time with a therapist — let’s call the client Mary — and I greet and check them in, and they wait for their session. As they wait, we even buy a gift card for their friend with her card on file and make another appointment for her. Eventually the therapist comes to get her to take her into session, and everything seems fine.

A minute later, Mary comes in, apologizing for being late for her session. I stare at her with a face of a deer in headlights and ask her to repeat her name. Then, panic sets in. Who’s on the therapist’s table?

I run back to find the therapist before they go in, stating Mary is here for her session, and we now have no idea who is in his room. He has to end up going in there basically saying, “Who are you?” since we’ve greeted her under the assumption that her name is Mary [Last Name], for her session.

Turns out, her name is Kari. Very similar in names! Her session is for the same time, with the same therapist but for tomorrow. Scrambling still continues as I realize I bought a gift card for Kari with Mary’s money!

Thankfully, we are able to get the real Mary scheduled for a new session, her card refunded, and each party happy, but after working at this studio for almost two years, and the therapist for over five years, we’ve never had anything like this happen before!

A Different Kind Of Crab Mentality

, , , , | Right | January 28, 2018

(I work in an office, booking spa days and treatments for a large UK chain.)

Request: “Does [Owner] do the massages? I’d like him to dress up as a crab. I have made an outfit out of heavy-duty rubber and plastic. [Owner] can wear this. There are eyeholes to see out of, and levers and pulleys inside the pincers so that they can be operated. The crab costume is painted professionally in the correct colors so that it will look like an actual crab, albeit a very big one. I will also need three hazelnuts placed on a south facing window-sill during my massage, and the Nicaraguan national anthem playing on a trumpet.”

(Needless to say, they did not get this request!)

She’s Not Getting The Massage

, | USA | Right | August 18, 2016

I work at a massage spa that also has a sauna. One day, two ladies come in and use the sauna together. After they’ve left, I find one of their phones while I am cleaning.

Since we have their numbers on file, I try calling one of the ladies, which rings the phone I have. I therefore call the second lady, who answers. I tell her to notify her friend that I have her phone. She agrees, and says she will tell her friend right away.

However, as soon as I hang up, her friend’s phone lights up with a text:

“the spa has your phone”

What part of “I have your friend’s phone” didn’t she understand?

 

Dear Readers. We realize that dialogue-driven stories are our bread and butter, but we thought we’d experiment with the occasional non-dialogue story. Let us know what you think in the comments!

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