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We Have Often Entertained Angels Unaware

, , , , , , | Related | April 22, 2021

I was raised Catholic and used to be very involved in the church. I was baptized and confirmed, I used to be a catechism teacher in high school, I was in the youth group and youth choir, my sister was in the choir and was an altar server, my mom was a catechism teacher for over a decade, and my father was a lector and Eucharistic minister. We went to church every Sunday. Sometime after I moved out of my parents’ house, I stopped going to church, mostly out of laziness.

It is Palm Sunday, the weekend before Easter. I am at my parents’ house, and they invite me to church with them. I decide to go — why not? On the car ride to church and during mass, my dad starts “preparing” me for what mass is going to be like, basically teasing me and pretending this is my first time ever in a church. He explains what a missalette is, tells me when to sit, stand, and sing, and makes small comments throughout mass with a tiny smile on, so I know he’s joking.

It is time for communion. My mom is standing between us. My dad leans over.

Dad: “After the priest gives you communion, you say ‘Amen’.”

I smile, he stands back on his side, and I whisper to my mom:

Me: “I thought I was supposed to say, ‘Compliments to the chef’?”

She lets out a laugh/snort and covers her mouth to hide her smile. My dad, clueless, asks her to relay what I said. She tells him, and he looks at me, trying to stifle a giggle. Hiding his smile, he tells me:

Dad: “You’re going to Hell.”

I hope God has a sense of humor.

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A Few Minutes To Crazytown

, , , , | Right | April 18, 2021

I work in a twenty-four-hour gas station. I should note that we’re only “technically” twenty-four hours. We have to close for fifteen minutes between 3:35 am and 4:00 am in order to for the system to calculate daily totals and reset for a new day, so I guess we’re a twenty-three-hours-and-forty-five-minutes store.

One night, while we’re closed and I’m doing paperwork, waiting for the system to reset, I see headlights out of the corner of my eye. I make no move to the door since I’m not allowed to open for anyone but the newspaper vendor. I half-watch the guy as his car weaves into a parking space, parks diagonally across it , and stumbles his way to the door.

He completely ignores the closed sign that is eye-level with him and starts pulling on the locked door. He pulls harder each time it doesn’t open. When this fails, he presses his face to the glass and starts banging on the door. 

I finally go to it with a piece of paper I’ve written.

Note: “Sorry! We’re closed for just a few minutes!”

I press it to the glass so he can read it, maintaining my customer service smile.

As soon as he reads it, he absolutely Hulks out. He slams hard on the glass with the side of his fist over and over, screaming.

Customer: “F****** BULLS***, YOU’RE CLOSED! YOU’RE TWENTY-FOUR-F******-HOURS! LET ME THE F*** IN RIGHT THE F*** NOW! YOU UGLY, FAT C***! I NEED SOME F****** SMOKES NOW!”

Where I live, there’s a plethora of drunks and addicts. I’m used to this type of behavior. Completely deadpan, I walk back around the counter and take down his license plate number off the camera before I grab the phone and go back to the door. He’s still screaming and banging, threatening me with things I won’t repeat here. 

I make a massive show of dialing 9-1… He takes off before I can even finish, doing a massive burnout at the entrance before peeling out down the street with his car threatening to spin out the whole way. 

I still called the non-emergency number to report his car make, model, and plate number for a DUI. Hope he got what he deserves.

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These Staff Are Used To A Lot Of Tea-Totals

, , , , | Right | April 14, 2021

I visit my local [Global] coffee shop to have my lunch and work remotely. As a general rule, I always take extra time to clean up my area and throw away my trash. 

I have just stepped up to the trash bins, which are located underneath the shop’s milk/sugar/condiment station. I then watch an employee open the cabinet doors, take out the trash bins, and replace the full trash bags with empty ones. She has not yet placed the empty bins back in the cabinet. 

Just as she turns to tie up the bags, I thank her, and then proceed to throw my half-full tea drink into the completely empty, bin-less space! 

Thoroughly embarrassed and mentally face-palming, I profusely apologize to the employee and offer to help her clean up my new mess. She graciously declines… and wishes me a good day. I leave an extra tip and make a beeline straight for the door.

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Now See Here, Little Dude

, , , , | Right | April 8, 2021

I’m ringing out a man whose child is (slightly) misbehaving, and every few seconds he has to scold the boy for something new.

Customer: “[Boy], come here.”

Customer: “[Boy], don’t touch those.”

Customer: “[Boy], leave that alone.”

Customer: “[Boy], that’s not yours.”

Customer:Dude! You’re not being cool!”

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No Need To Restart This Conversation

, , , , | Right | April 2, 2021

I work for a grocery chain as a supervisor in a very affluent area. Because of our location, our customers tend to be very demanding and somewhat out of touch. A fellow employee tells me that a customer is having trouble at the [Movie Rental Company] machine we have outside, so I go out to help him.

Me: “Do you need help?”

Customer: “Yes, your machine isn’t working. You need to fix it. I need a movie for tonight.”

I look at the machine and see that the screen is black. 

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but we don’t own the machine, [Movie Rental Company] does. I’ll call a technician, but in the meantime, you’ll have to use one at another location.”

Customer: “No.”

I’m a bit flabbergasted by how abruptly he says it. His face is expressionless, and he doesn’t say anything else.

Me: “Again, I apologize, but I really have no way to fix it. I can help you find another one.”

I take out my phone and start looking for directions.

Customer: “No. This is the only one for fifty miles.”

Me: “It looks like there are two within a ten-minute drive.”

Customer: “That’s too far; I need a movie for tonight.”

It’s 10:00 am and he’s holding car keys.

Customer: “I worked in tech. Just restart it.”

Me: “I’m not sure if I should do that. I can call the technician to ask, but if it requires a password to log in, I won’t be able to bring it up. Do you want to wait?”

Customer: “No.”

Me: “Okay, in that case— Sir, please don’t do that!”

He has started looking behind the machine and tugging on wires.

Customer: “I’m going to restart it. It’s okay; I worked in tech.”

Before I can say anything else, he pulls the plug out of the wall. When he plugs it back in, the start-up screen for [Outdated Operating System] loads.

Customer: “Well, there’s the problem! They can’t use this version! How could you let them use this?! It’s not supported anymore.”

Me: “We don’t have control over that.”

We wait in silence as the timer counts down to when the operating system will finish booting up. When it does, the screen returns to black.

Customer: “I guess it is broken. I’ll just go to the other one. You need to call somebody and have them fix it!”

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