It’s my first day at a retail job. I am ringing out an elderly woman with a few items, one of which is a package of store-brand cookies that are classified as “fudge grahams”. After I finish scanning her items, she hands me a coupon for a brand of cereal bar treats whose name includes the word “grahams”. I immediately put it down and look at her, namely since I know for a fact that we don’t carry those cereal bar treats at our store.

Me: “Excuse me, ma’am, but I think there was a mistake here?”

Customer: “What?”

Me: “This coupon right here.”

I point to the coupon she gave me.

Me: “We don’t sell these.”

Customer: “Yes, you do!”

Me: *Confused* “Um, no, I don’t believe we do.”

Customer: “Yes, you do! Right here!”

She points at the fudge graham cookies.

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but this coupon is for [Cereal Brand] treats. These here are fudge grahams.”

Customer: *In a tone that’s confused and annoyed* “So? It says ‘grahams’!”

Me: *Pointing to the word on the coupon* “It says, ‘[Cereal Brand] treats’. These are fudge grahams. They’re two different things.”

Customer: *In the same tone as before* “So? It says ‘grahams’!”

Me: “Ma’am, those are cookies. This coupon is for a cereal bar treat. They’re two different products.”

Customer: *Still in the same tone* “So? It says ‘grahams’!”

By now, I’m doing my best not to facepalm and trying to maintain a professional tone of voice.*

Me: “Ma’am, it says ‘[Cereal Brand] Treats.'”

I read each word carefully.

Me: “They’re a type of cereal bar that we don’t sell here. These are fudge graham cookies. They’re not the same thing.”

Customer: *Now acting like I’m doing this on purpose* “Are you going to accept this coupon or not?”

Me: *Politely, shaking my head* “I’m sorry, ma’am, but there’s no way I can accept this.”

Customer: *Demanding* “Take the fudge graham cookies off of my order.” 

I obliged without saying another word. To this day, I have no idea if she was confused, trying to play by her own rules, or just trying to pull a fast one on me. Either way, it taught me that you truly never know what to expect in the world of retail!

In 2008, I moved to a new town, and my place of employment was no longer within reasonable driving distance. As such, I began haunting the local mall and individual locations around town trying to gauge what was available versus what was within my experience level. I found a few places that met my approval, and I filled out some applications.

For most of these stores, all I needed to say was that I’d like to be a cashier. In one larger store, however, I needed to also choose a section of the store that I’d be cashiering for. I chose clothing and thought that was the end of it; I’d either get hired or not.

Not long after, I received an email reply from them.

Reply: “Thank you for your application to the position of manager of the jewelry section at [Store] in [Town I’ve never heard of].” 

It went on as an otherwise typical rejection letter, but I seriously want to know how they got “jewelry manager” out of “clothing cashier” — and for a town I hadn’t applied in. 

Out of curiosity, I looked up the town. I got one single response, which was in Washington state. I live in Massachusetts, roughly 3,000 miles/4,800 kilometers away.

To this day, I have no idea how they managed to make this mistake, especially since the application had to be filled out electronically in-store and you couldn’t apply to more than one store at a time.

I teach high school in a district where cheating is rampant. Thanks to a year of hybrid learning, where half of the students were in the class at a time, we have built up a large collection of online worksheets. These are Google Docs where students copy the templates and then fill them in with their own answers. The students share their online versions with the teacher and submit them via our web-based Learning Management System (LMS). 

As I’ve gotten older, I find it easier to read documents online rather than in student’s handwriting on paper. This method is also great for students who constantly lose homework papers. However, the downside is that students find it easier than ever to copy online homework. 

The typical shortcut is to ask a friend to share their worksheet. Clever students will view it, write their own answers in their own words on their own worksheets, and then have their friends un-share the original. (These students are not as clever as they think, though, because the worksheets do not count for much and their lack of preparation shows on their tests.)

One time, [Student #1] asked [Student #2] to share his work. [Student #2], of course, shared with his friend, but [Student #1] did not fulfill his part of the social contract. He simply copied and pasted the answers in the same exact words. Our school gives all participants the same penalties for academic integrity violations. The look of consternation and surprise on [Student #2]’s face when he realized that his friend’s laziness had gotten them both zeroes on the work he did was priceless. 

An even less careful student turned in a complete copy of her friend’s worksheet — which I had already graded. I’m sure she meant to remove the grade marks… and her friend’s name from the top of the page. 

The most memorable effort from last year involved a trio of students who were assigned a group worksheet in class. They spent class socializing, and then one student went home and did the work, slapped everyone’s name on it, and turned it in. This might have worked… had he remembered to share it with his partners. The students claimed they had done the work together over FaceTime. Google Docs records the times that documents are edited. Two out of three sets of parents found it easier to believe their kids cheated than to believe they were FaceTiming physics with each other at 11:00 pm on a Wednesday night.

Related:
If You’re Gonna Cheat, You Gotta Cheat Smart

CONTENT WARNING: Child Abuse

I’m at work during the nineties. A woman is dragging her small child towards the restrooms. It’s actually the woman that needs to go, not the child.

Sadly, the woman ended up peeing herself before she can make it to the restroom. I then see her manage to cover the back of her kid in her urine! She then tries to make it look like her kid did it, using him as cover!

Customer: *Proclaiming loudly* “You bad kid! Bad kid for making this mess!”

Of course, this causes the kid to start crying. There are witnesses who could clearly tell it was her – she’s wearing a mini skirt.

I hope the kid wasn’t traumatized. And yup, folks who made less than $7 an hour got to clean it up.

I recently had to call my primary care office to schedule an appointment.

Me: “Hello, this is [My Name]. I need to schedule a four-week follow-up with [Doctor].”

After the usual checks and some typing…

Scheduler: “She has a 9:00 on Friday, August 18th.”

I don’t really want a doctor’s appointment first thing in the morning.

Me: “Does she have anything else? A tele-visit is fine.”

Scheduler: “Do you have a preference for another day or time?”

Me: “No, just not… then.”

I hear more typing.

Scheduler: “What about 2:30 on Monday the 24th?”

Me: “Um, that’s this Monday? No, it needs to be a month out.”

Scheduler: *Suddenly huffy* “Well, that’s why I asked!

I’m not sure if she forgot that she was scheduling a four-week follow-up but it still seems strange that my rejection of the Friday 9:00 am slot sent her looking days rather than weeks out. We ended up arranging it for an appropriate Tuesday afternoon.