(I work at a popular bakery-cafe chain. On Sundays, we close at 8:00.)
(At 7:15, an elderly couple walks in and orders coffees and pastries. They are very polite.)
Wife: You ran out of half & half, but since it’s so close to closing time, could you fill a cup of it? I wouldn’t want you to waste it by filling up the pitcher again.
Coworker: Oh, thank you for letting me know! I’ll do that for you. *fills cup*
Customer: *pours her coffee, adds half & half* Could you please refill the cup? That way I don’t have to bother you again when I go for my second cup of coffee.
(Our coffee is self serve with free refills)
Later, after closing time. My coworker has just finished going around the restaurant making sure no one else is there.
I hear someone sigh loudly from behind me.
Wife: You should have warned me! You knew I was coming back for more coffee!
Coworker: Ma’am, I just checked the restaurant for customers. I didn’t see you.
Wife: Well, you didn’t look! Now make me coffee!
Me: We can’t do that now.
Wife: Sure you can! Just go in the back and pour me a cup!
Me: We make our coffee by the pot. I cannot brew an entire pot just to pour you a cup. It would be a waste.
Wife: You’re lying! You have a Keurig!
Me: *speechless*
Coworker #2: Ma’am, I don’t know where you got the idea that we have a Keurig, but we don’t. We can only brew a full pot.
Wife: Just pour the rest down the drain.
Coworker #1: We CANNOT make coffee now. Please leave.
Wife: *huffs and puffs the entire way out the door* THANK YOU VERY MUCH!
Husband: *mouths “I’m sorry”before slowly following*
Coworker #2: That was the most passive aggressive thank you I have ever received…

(We’re an academic bookstore, so we sell books for courses at a specific university. At the beginning of each semester, we hire a lot of temporary employees to help with the rush of customers. One of our young but fairly competent temps approaches the desk with a customer to ask for my help. I am in the middle of fixing an online order issue that I can’t pause to help elsewhere, but I can answer questions and give instructions.

Note, I am a white female, the customer is a white female, and the employee helping her is a black teenaged guy)

Employee: Um, can we have you help with a register transaction?

Me: Sure! What’s the issue?

Employee: She wants to rent the books, but pay with financial aid and it’s not giving me the option to charge her financial aid.

Customer: I just want to make sure I’m not charged twice!

I explain that she has to put a credit card on file for security, it won’t be charged, and that I’ll be over in just a minute to help with the payment step, just as soon as I’m done with the order. My employee responds confidently that he understands and can do this.

Customer: Oh, sure, but I’ll wait. I’d really prefer *your* help, if you understand.

Me: Yup, I’ll come right over, but I have to finish with this order first. He can set up the securing card. You won’t be charged.

She protests several more times that she wants me to help her and she’ll wait, because this is financial aid and “you clearly know what I am talking about. (wink, wink)” I promise I will be right over and she follows the temp back to the registers.

When I walk over a minute later, she has decided not to get half of the books on the transaction but, it turns out this is after she told him to try to charge her financial aid and it came back as an invalid account. She also oddly refers to my employee as “your gentlemanly colleague”. I remove the stuff she no longer wants and try to run her financial aid myself. It again comes back invalid.

Me: Can I just borrow your school ID for a moment to go look up your account?

Customer: Sure!

I look her up in the system, and as I suspect she doesn’t have an account. I suspect she has a scholarship that was set up as our campus currency instead of as financial aid. I go back and start to ask her about this as it should be easy to fix.

Customer: (interrupting me) I have the money! (Shows me the balance of her campus currency account) I never said financial aid! You did!!

Me: Okay, well there was a misunderstanding but we can help —

Customer: (again interrupting) I never said financial aid!! You really need to work on your customer service!

Me: I’m sorry, but you clearly said it was financial aid. Now do you want me to fix this for you or let [Employee] do it?

She quiets down a bit and lets me walk my employee through what is the second rental transaction he has done, but is clearly angry and answers any questions in a super sugary fake nice tone.

Me: Okay. Here are your books and your receipt, which has the full rental agreement and your books need to be returned by May–

Customer: (snatching receipt from me) Whatever. (Leans around me to read my employee’s name tag, and says very pointedly in the same fake nice voice) Thank you, [Employee Name]! *leaves*

Employee: She definitely said financial aid.

He also later said he felt insulted by the way she’d treated him.

(The customer is buying, among other things, some gum with an artificial sweetener in it. I’m bagging her things, so I hold up the gum.)

Me: “You might know this already, but if you have pets, just make sure to put the gum somewhere they can’t get into. [Sweetener] is really dangerous for dogs and cats.”

Customer: “[Sweetener]? That’s in the gum?”

Me: “Yeah, for humans it’s supposedly good and helps clean our teeth, but even a little bit is toxic to animals. My dog gets into everything, so I figured I should give you a heads up in case you have one, as well.”

Customer: “If it’s so bad for dogs and cats, it’s probably dangerous for humans, as well. I probably shouldn’t get it.”

Me: “Well, they’re a different species than us and have different needs. It’s not really a good litmus test for health.”

Customer: “Hmm…”

(She debated this for several minutes while I rang her up and bagged her items. She eventually got the gum. I put it in the bag with her other purchases, mainly chocolate and coffee.)

(I work at a call center for an online shoe store. I wish I were making this up.) 

Me: “Thank you for calling [Website]. My name is [My Name]. How can I help you today?” 

Customer: “I bought some shoes from you guys, and I just don’t know if I’m going to like the color. Can you tell me what you think?” 

Me: “I can take a look for you! Do you have your order number?”

Customer: “No, no. I haven’t ordered them yet.”

Me: “Oh! I misunderstood. I thought you said you bought the shoes. I’m sorry about that. What shoes are you looking at?”

Customer: “No! I did buy the shoes!” 

Me: “Then… do you have your order number or an email I can look up?”

Customer: “I DIDN’T ORDER THEM YET! WHY DO YOU NEED MY EMAIL?”

Me: “I’m sorry, but I think we’re not understanding each other here. You’d like me to look at a pair of shoes, correct?”

Customer: “I JUST WANT YOU TO TELL ME IF YOU LIKE THE SHOES!” 

Me: “If you could tell me what shoe—“

Customer: “I’M TIRED OF THIS RUN-AROUND. I’VE ALREADY GIVEN ALL OF THIS INFORMATION TO YOU. WHY DID I EVEN CALL YOU?!”

Me: “…”

Customer: *hangs up*

I grew up in Massachusetts, and as a kid, we would get snow days where we would have the day off from school due to the large amount of snow we would get in the winter. 

One day, I overheard my parents talking about putting salt on the ground to melt the ice. We went out later that evening to shovel. I took the salt shaker off the kitchen table and shook the salt to try to melt the snow.

I was that kid that took things very literally.