My mom and I are standing in line at the checkout when my mom says that she forgot to grab something and asks me to watch the cart for a minute. While she’s gone, the cashier finishes ringing up the customer in front of me. I am extremely shy, and I start getting very flustered as I unload the cart.

Cashier: “Do you want paper or plastic?”

Me: *Mumbling* “Um… I, uh…”

Cashier: *Patiently* “Paper or plastic?”

Me: “Yes.”

We both stare blankly at each other for several seconds.

Cashier: *Still patiently* “Paper or plastic, ma’am?”

Me: “Oh, um… plastic. Wait, no! Paper!”

My mom mercifully returned at that point and paid for the groceries.

(I work in a bakery/cafe that also has a large selection of drink choices. This happens at least four times every one of my shifts.)
Me: And would you like a drink with that?
Customer: Yes.
Me: …
Customer: …
Me: … What drink…?
Customer: Oh, just a drink.
Me: *internal facepalm*

This goes back a lot of years. I was working as part time cashier for some extra Christmas money and the store discount. UPC scanners were relatively new. I’m scanning a young woman who is with her baby and her mother. As she loads the counter, her mother says “well look at that”, referring to the scanner on my hand. I smile. Then she says (quite nastily) ” how lazy can you be”
Me: ma’am this is an inventory control device. It’s the only way to ring items

She continues to glare, tsk tsk, and shake her head.

Between customers like her, people screaming at me about their card being declined (um, you’ve reached your credit limit, your payment is late, it’s a stolen card) and thiefs trying to use stolen cards, I quit about 3 weeks in.

I am going out to lunch with my grandparents. We have just parked the car and are walking toward the restaurant when the door slams open and a woman runs out crying and screaming, being followed by a distressed looking waitress and a manager. Note that the woman looks to be somewhere between 60-70 years old.

Manager: “Ma’am please wait, we need you to pay for your food!”

Customer: *screaming at the top of her lungs in the middle of the parking lot and pointing at the waitress* “HOW DARE YOU! I am 35 years old and this idiot offered me the senior discount! DO I LOOK LIKE A SENIOR CITIZEN?”

Waitress: “Ma’am I sincerely apologize, I didn’t mean to offend you, I really am very sorry.”

Customer: “Well I don’t give a crap if you’re sorry, you are the rudest person I have ever met! HOW DARE YOU CALL ME AN OLD LADY! YOU SHOULD BE FIRED IMMEDIATELY. YOU NEVER ASK A WOMAN HER AGE.”

Manager: “I’m sorry that [waitress] offended you ma’am, but she was only trying to do her job. You still need to pay your bill, especially since it was nearly $70. If you refuse to you will be stealing from us and I will be forced to call the police”.

Customer: *starts running toward her car* “ABSOLUTELY NOT, YOU WILL NOT GET ANYTHING FROM ME AND I AM TELLING EVERYONE I KNOW HOW RUDE YOU ARE! YOU’LL BE OUT OF BUSINESS IN LESS THAN A MONTH!”

The woman got in her car and drove off, with the manager writing down her license plate presumably to call the police and report her. As he and the waitress turned to go back inside, they spotted me and my grandparents standing there not sure what to make of the situation.

Manager: “Sorry about that folks, we offered her a senior discount and I guess she wasn’t a senior citizen and she got upset. Sorry you had to see that.”

At this point my grandfather, who is usually really quiet, speaks up.

Grandfather: “Jeez I would have thought she was at least 65. If she looked that bad at 35 I can’t imagine what she’ll look like when she is actually a senior…”

Everyone laughed and we ended up having a very nice lunch with the waitress serving us. She did however seem to hesitate a bit before offering my grandparents the senior discount.

Back in 1964, when my brother was in fourth grade, he did so well in French class that the teacher gave him a French franc as a reward.

Since he is not a sentimental person, he and my other brother took it to the bank down the street to find out how much it was worth.

They came back all upset. They announced that the bank manager had said it wasn’t worth anything and he was kind enough to take it off their hands.

Imagine swindling a fourth-grader.