Not All Customers Provide Hard Knocks

, , , , | Right | May 8, 2018

(I’m taking a bathroom break in the customer bathroom, since the employee bathroom is being cleaned. There’s only one stall in the men’s room, which I’m currently occupying. I hear the bathroom door open, and seconds later an older man pushes the stall door so hard that the lock comes loose and the door swings open. He gets a full view of me with my pants around my ankles, then turns around and closes the door.)

Me: “How about knocking next time?”

Man: “I didn’t know you were in there!”

Me: “That’s what knocking is for.”

(The kicker? He later tried to report me to management for being rude to him. Thankfully, my boss is nice and politely told him to f*** off.)

Has Beef With Your Bologna

, , , , | Right | May 7, 2018

Coworker: “Hi, what can I get you?”

Customer: “I’d like a pound of bologna, please.”

Coworker: “Would you like the German bologna or the beef?”

Customer: “Oh, there are kinds? Hmm… I guess, then, my son probably likes the beef!”

Coworker: “Would you like me to give you a slice so your son can try it to make sure first?”

Customer: “No, I’m sure, just a pound of the beef bologna.”

(My coworker shows the thickness of the first slice for the customer’s approval and once again offers the slice for her son to try. Yet again the customer declines. After the pound is sliced up and the bag is handed to the customer, the customer opens the bag and hands a slice to her son, who takes a small nibble, scrunches his face, and gives the slice back to his mother.)

Customer: “Oh, I guess it’s the German he likes. Here, can you take this pound back and give me a pound of the German?”

Displaying All Manner Of Bad Manners

, , , | Right | May 7, 2018

(The grocery store I work at is tiny, and the aisles are very narrow; if you stand with your arms out, you can easily reach both sides. When it’s busy, it’s nearly impossible to get around without having to squeeze past someone. The customer in question is standing on one side, but examining the opposite shelf, so I have to walk in front of him to get by, although I keep as far as possible from his person.)

Customer: *in the most outraged voice possible* “Kids these days! Aren’t you going to say, ‘Excuse me’?!”

(I am restocking pasta, and my arms are full enough that I have to tuck my chin over the load so I won’t drop it. I literally can’t say anything, and his viciousness kind of shocks me. I try to shrug it off. About five minutes later, I have to walk in front of him again.)

Me: “Pardon me?”

(I am very soft-spoken, and the store is crowded, so I guess he doesn’t hear me. His reaction is to take his canvas bag and SLAP me with it, like hitting a dog with a newspaper.)

Customer: “Someone need to teach you some manners, kid!”

(Apparently “manners” is hitting someone until they’re polite enough for you! I did behind-the-scenes work until he left so he wouldn’t take it in his head to give me a timeout.)

Hats Off To His Persistence

, , , , | Right | May 6, 2018

(I work at a very popular convenience store in the northeast, and this has been a particularly odd Saturday. It’s been very busy, but also full of people acting strangely. I haven’t even been on the clock an hour yet, and I’m still getting into gear.)

Me: “Hello! How are you today, dear?”

Customer: “Well, I just wanted you to know you’re almost out of coffee over there, and the milk is all gone as well.”

(In order to speak to me, he edges over in front of my register, cutting in front of a lady who has been waiting for me to finish with the previous customer.)

Me: “I’m so sorry about that! I will get right over there as soon as I’ve taken care of this line. But, this lady was waiting first, so can I take her first, please? Then I’ll be right with you!”

(I’m always incredibly polite to our guests. Most of them are impatient and quick to jump over each other to check out, so I always try to prevent this when I can.)

Customer: “Well, I don’t know who was next in line! It doesn’t look like there’s an actual line.”

(He moves over, anyway, and I quickly take care of the woman, who has a quick and easy transaction. I thank her and ask the man to come back over.)

Me: “Come on over, sir! I’ll get you rung out, and then go take care of the coffee and milk.”

(I start to ring him up while I talk, in order to finish as quickly as I can.)

Me: “Is there anything else I can get you with your coffee and paper today?”

Customer: “Yeah. I really like your hat. Would you sell it to me?”

(I find myself taken aback at such an odd and sudden request, but I regain my composure before answering.)

Me: “Thank you! I’m unfortunately not able to sell you my hat. It’s a part of our uniform, and therefore company property, so I’m sure I would get into trouble. Not to mention, we absolutely have to wear our hats or else we will get sent home for not being in uniform. I can’t have that happen to my coworkers.”

Customer: “I don’t see why not! You’re just pushing me! Come on! You can sell it to me! I’ll give you $10, and you can buy another one.”

Me: “Sir, it’s nice of you to offer, but I really can’t. Here’s your change! Let me go check out the coffee situation.”

(I start running around brewing coffee and looking for milk. I establish we are truly out of it.)

Customer: “You guys really ran out of milk? How does that even happen?”

Me: “Well, sir, it does happen occasionally, despite our best efforts against it. Sometimes it’s an error from the warehouse, and other times we just get much busier than we anticipated. You were right, though; we were almost out of coffee.”

(I’m on hyperspeed at this point, trying very hard to concentrate on getting more coffee made, as well as ensuring we are well-stocked in the coffee area. The customer proceeds to follow me around as I do this, which has me feeling frazzled.)

Customer: “I am just crazy about [Store Brand] of coffee! I really need that hat! I know you can sell it to me. I told you I’d pay you, and you can just buy another one!”

Me: “Sir, I really cannot do that. Though I’m very glad to hear you enjoy [Store Brand] of coffee.”

Customer: “All right, let me be honest with you. I have the hots for someone who works at [Other Location of our store], and I really want to get her a hat for Christmas. But I can’t find them for sale anywhere! I want to do this for her pretty badly, so can’t you just help me out? It’ll be a nice thing to do during the holiday season!”

(At this point, I’m getting pretty creeped out, as well as thoroughly confused. Who on earth would want a uniform hat from their work for Christmas? I proceed to very quickly finish my work so that I can slip away into the back until he leaves. It’s not easy working around him.)

Me: “Sir, I am very sorry, but I just can’t help you out. I hope you can understand. I just cannot sell you company property that is a required part of my uniform in order for me to be on the clock and working. I apologize for the trouble, but it just isn’t something I can do.”

Customer: “There you go again! Pushing me to try harder! I just really want your hat!”

(I finally broke away and hid in the back for a few minutes until he left. When I brought this up to my coworkers, they were just as confused as I am. We get strange customers and requests fairly often, but that takes the cake!)

Putting Two And Two Together

, , , , | Right | May 5, 2018

(I have just gotten out of school and it is snowing aggressively, on the verge of hailing. During my second to last class period, my period surprises me by arriving early. It ends up soaking through a tampon and my jeans. I clean up as best I can and tie a sweatshirt around my waist until I can go home. Unfortunately, I have to stay after school to make up a chemistry test, and have to suffer through until I’m done. Afterwards, I walk to a nearby drug store because my ride won’t arrive for another hour. I place my variety of purchases on the counter: pads, a pair of cheap leggings, chocolate poptarts, and a soda.)

Female Cashier: *puts two and two together* “Oh, sweetie, I’m not supposed to do this, and don’t tell my manager, but I’m going to give you my 10% discount.”

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