Do As I Say, Not As I Do

, , , , | Related | March 1, 2021

Like all dads, my dad hates when lights are left on when you’re not in the room. This exchange occurs as I’m walking back into my bedroom after getting up to blow my nose. My dad is standing at the kitchen counter pouring a drink.

Dad: “Hey… why is your bedroom light on if you’re not in there?”

Me: “Because I left it on?”

Dad: “But you’re not in there.”

Me: “Maybe the bed likes the light; you don’t know.”

He starts to argue when I happen to glance over and see his bedroom light on.


There’s a long pause.

Dad: “Now, listen here, you little s***…”

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The Password Is Respect

, , , | Working | February 26, 2021

I am a teller at a credit union. We have a place to add notes to accounts, usually things like if we recently waived fees, if they have special instructions for deposits, or anything else relevant to their transactional experience.

A member comes in through the drive-thru. I only work on the weekends here, so I don’t know as many members as everyone else. I don’t recognize this particular member, but her photo ID and signature match in the system. Some of my coworkers are talking to her like they all know her. As I am preparing her withdrawal, I notice that there is a note on her account from a few years ago. It states that any withdrawals MUST be first verified with a verbal password, with the password in the note.

I have gotten in trouble once for not asking for a password when a member gave it to me before I needed to ask, so I don’t want to get in trouble again. I walk over to the drive-thru, politely interrupt the conversation between the member and my coworkers, and ask for the password.

Me: “Hi, sorry to interrupt. I just need your verbal password for the withdrawal.”

Member: “Wait… what?”

Me: “There’s a note on your account saying that I need to ask you for your verbal password before completing any withdrawals.”

Member: “A password? I don’t…”

Coworker: “She’s [Member]. Doesn’t it show her ID?”

Me: “Yes, but there’s a note saying not to do any transactions without a password.”

Manager: “Just do it anyway. We all know her. She comes in every week.”

Me: “Okay…”

I complete the withdrawal. As the member grabs her money, she says:

Member: “You know what? I do vaguely remember putting on a password back when my identity was stolen. That’s probably what you were asking about. I’m so sorry; I didn’t remember doing that.”

Me: “No worries. I just wanted to make sure I was following instructions.”

Member: “Thank you for that. I guess nobody asks me because they all know me. But thank you for asking. It’s good to know my money is safe here. You can remove the note now, though. Thank you!”

Me: “Absolutely. Have a great weekend!”

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Check Out The Buns On This Gal!

, , , , | Working | February 24, 2021

My sister and I, along with our parents, have all worked at a particular fast food restaurant for a few years at some point in our lives. During a recent get-together, we traded stories of our time as employees.

Many people know the jingle of their signature burger: two all-beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions, on a sesame seed bun. The bun is divided into three, with a piece in the middle of the burger. The way we were taught to make them was to build the same toppings on the bottom and middle buns — sauce, onions, lettuce, pickles, cheese, hamburger patty — move the middle bun on top of the bottom bun, move the top bun on top of the middle bun, and close the container. So, the burger was bottom bun, toppings, hamburger patty, middle bun, toppings, hamburger patty, and top bun.

My sister learned how to make the burger and started on her own after about a week. One of the managers was helping her on the grill when he stopped her after watching her make the burger. He asked who had taught her to make the burger in that particular way, and she asked why, confused. She had been putting the toppings and hamburger patty on the middle and top buns, placing the middle bun on the bottom bun, and flipping the top bun over while closing the container. So for about a week, all her customers were receiving burgers that were bun, bun, toppings, two patties, toppings, bun. Not one customer had complained, so without the manager observing her, she’s not sure how long she would have continued making sandwiches that way.

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How To Get Rid Of Pests

, , , | Working | February 21, 2021

I’m working a summer job at a family-owned and operated farm store and café. In the café, we have a large glass case full of house-made artisan pizzas. This store is in a very affluent neighborhood, so we often have customers who rarely step out of their ivory towers to mingle with us commoners.

A country-club lady is looking at our breads and pastries. I am waiting patiently for her to choose something. Suddenly, she starts shrieking.

Country Club Lady: “There’s a fly in the pizza case!”

I turn to see a lost little house fly trapped in the case.

Me: “Yeah, that happens.”

I should mention that this is an open-air store full of fresh produce and greenhouse plants. Oh, and right outside the open doors? THERE’S A FARM!

Country Club Lady: *Continues shrieking * “That’s completely unsanitary! I will not be buying a pizza!”

I turned away and rolled my eyes as I released the little fly. She flounced away and we never saw her again. Her loss. Those pizzas were good.

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Trash Talking Over And Over

, , , , | Right | February 20, 2021

I work in town hall, and we just had a snowstorm overnight into the morning of about six to twelve inches. As an employee — but not a resident of the town — I sign up for emergency management alerts so I can be informed in case a resident calls.

I receive a text the night before the snowstorm saying that trash pickup will be delayed a day all week due to the storm. I receive an automated phone call not five minutes later with the same information. Later in the night, I also receive an email with the same information. It’s safe to say that trash will be delayed a day this week.

First phone call of the day:

Me: “[Department], can I help you?”

Resident: “Yes, hi. I was wondering if my trash will be picked up.”

Me: “Trash pickup is delayed a day this week.”

Resident: “But will it be picked up?”

Me: “It should, unless you have a different problem with your trash.”

Resident: “No, it’s fine. I was just wondering if they would pick it up.”

Me: “Yes, they will pick up.”

Resident: “When?”

Me: “They are delayed one day this week.”

Resident: “But when would they pick it up?”

Me: “One day after your normal trash day.”

Resident: “When would they pick it up, then?”

Me: “What day is your trash normally picked up?”

Resident: “Today.”

Me: “Then tomorrow. They will pick it up tomorrow.”

Resident: “Why tomorrow?”

Me: “Because that is one day after your normal pickup day.”

Resident: “But why not today?”

Me: “They are delayed because of the snowstorm.”

Resident: “I just don’t think they should be delayed. They should pick it up today.”

Me: “Every public school district in a twenty-mile radius is canceled for today. Several businesses are closed. Parking bans are in effect here and in [Cities and Towns near us]. The road crews are doing a great job, but the trash company doesn’t feel it’s safe to collect today and interfere with the road crews.”

Resident: “I just don’t understand why they can’t pick up today. It’s inconvenient for me to have to wait another day.”

Me: “Okay. Well, I hope you have a great day, and stay safe out there.”

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