Unfiltered Story #182277

, , | Unfiltered | January 14, 2020

(We used to carry reptiles in our shop, but we stopped about a year or two ago for financial reasons. We now only stock a limited amount of supplies as well as feeders, and we also do boarding.)
Customer: You don’t have reptiles anymore?
Me: No, we stopped selling reptiles over a year ago. We only sell some supplies now.
Customer: Oh, it’s been forever since I’ve been here. [Old manager] used to work here.
(The old manager has not worked here while I’ve been here, which is at least five years, and is in fact dead.)
Me: Oh, yes, that was a while ago. She actually died.
Customer: Oh, yeah. So where is all your reptile stuff?
Me: In the aisle where it was before.
(Customer goes to aisle and shortly shouts over to me.)
Customer: You used to have a big rock!
(I approach the aisle.)
Me: This is all that we have in the way of reptile supplies, we don’t carry a lot.
Customer: Yeah, but you had a big rock–
Me: As I said, this is all we have.
Customer: Are you the only one here, or is there someone who can actually help me?
Me: What is it you need?
Customer: You used to have a big rock with a hole on the side, it was well-made.
Me: How long ago was this here? We sometimes can’t actually get certain products anymore.
Customer: Yeah, it was like a year ago.
(I highly doubt this since he told me just moments ago he hadn’t been in the store in forever, and when he had the old now deceased manager was here.)
Me: As I said, this is all we have, there is nothing out back, we aren’t ordering any new products. I’m sorry, but that’s all we’ve got.
(He proceeded to mope and tried to get me to sell him tanks and equipment that we use for boarding. Funny how forever can turn into one year.)

Evil Stepmothers Are Not Christian

, , , , , | Friendly | January 10, 2020

(It is February vacation, which is a week-long break for public schools in New England. My brother and his family visit, since they also have February vacation and my brother has work in Boston. My wife, my brother’s new fiancee — he’s a widower — and our combined five children and I go to a local tourist attraction, a farm and wildlife sanctuary that is open to the public. We are near the chicken coop when my brother’s fiancee just starts yelling at some Indian family nearby.)

Brother’s Fiancee: “Don’t talk about God that way!”

Indian Man: “I was not talking about religion.”

Brother’s Fiancee: “I bet you’re not even Christian!”

Indian Man: “No, I’m not. I fail to see how–”

Brother’s Fiancee: You’re condemning your kids to suffer in Hell.”

(At this point, my identical twin nieces are hugging me, scared.)

Indian Man: *calmly* “I will make a deal with you. I assume you are a Christian. I will live according to my Hindu virtues and you to your Christian ones, of which I believe intolerance of the beliefs of others seems to tragically be one such virtue. Then, when we die, we shall see who goes to Heaven and Hell, though the stakes are higher for you than for me, for neither Hell or Heaven are permanent to me. Should I make a mistake and end up in either, I shall be reborn with another chance to attain the divine.”

(My brother’s fiancee was speechless and walked to the car and waited there alone for a few hours while we finished our sightseeing. That evening, my brother called off the engagement. It appears she had been unpopular with her almost-stepdaughters for a while, making fun of the fact that they look the same, wear glasses, and are second graders, and also insinuating that their mother went to Hell because she was Jewish.)

1 Thumbs
546

Unfiltered Story #182197

, , | Unfiltered | January 6, 2020

Me (cashier) : Hi how are you

Customer: Hi, will you smell my clams?

Me: why do you want me to smell your clams

Customer: because I can’t tell if they smell good

Not Destined To Get Through

, , , , , | Related | January 5, 2020

(I am about thirteen, and I have just gotten my braces off. With this, they have given me a retainer which makes me speak with a lisp until I get used to it. Unfortunately, I have an S name, so this makes even saying my own name difficult. My mom wants to talk to her sister on the phone, but she has her hands full, so she has me call first. My uncle has a very dry sense of humor and thus is not very personable to talk to. I’m okay talking with him now, but at the time I’d rather just get to my aunt. This is before caller ID is in most homes.)

Uncle: “Hello?”

Me: “Hi, it’s Stephanie. Is [Aunt] there?”

Uncle: “Who is this?”

Me: “Stephanie.”

Uncle: “We don’t know any Destiny. Sorry, you have the wrong phone number.” *hangs up*

Me: “Uh…”

Mom: “What happened?”

Me: “It was [Uncle]. He said he didn’t know a Destiny and I had the wrong phone number.”

Mom: “Try again. I’m almost finished.”

(On the phone:)

Uncle: “Hello?”

Me: “Hi, it’s Stephanie. Can I talk to [Aunt]?”

Uncle: “Who is it?”

Me: “Stephanie.”

Uncle: “Destiny?”

Me: “No, Stephanie!”

Uncle: “I told you, we don’t know any Destiny. You have the wrong number.” *hangs up*

Me: “He keeps hanging up on me!”

Mom: “What? Why?”

Me: “I don’t know! He keeps calling me Destiny!”

Mom: “Try again. Try to speak more clearly.”

(On the phone:)

Uncle: “Hello?”

Me: “Hello, this is Stephanie. Is–”

Uncle: “I TOLD YOU WE DON’T KNOW ANY DESTINY! STOP CALLING US!” *hangs up*

(I started crying. My mom finished what she was doing and called. Her sister picked up this time. She apologized for my uncle. She was wondering why he was angry on the phone, but my mom and aunt laughed about the situation for a while. Eventually, I found the humor in it, and now they sometimes call me Destiny.)

1 Thumbs
276

Their Planning Was A Joke

, , , , , , | Related | January 4, 2020

My family and I were out to dinner at a restaurant we had never tried before but had heard great things about. A big-name comedian was in town, so naturally, all the surrounding restaurants were packed. In making the reservation, I figured we needed to be at the restaurant at least two hours before the show, and even that would be cutting it close. 

My family thought otherwise and made a reservation for only an hour and a half before the show. We had a tough time finding parking, so we were late to the restaurant and had about an hour to get served and eat. 

I knew we hadn’t left much time to eat, so I ordered water and something quick I could sneak in my purse and eat at the show, while my family all ordered cocktails, steaks, and elaborate dishes, thus leaving no time to eat before we had to leave. They complained the entire time we were there from waiting to be seated, to waiting to get our order taken, to waiting for their drinks and meals, etc. 

We were going to be late to the show, so my family just threw a bunch of cash on the table and left, hoping it was enough to cover the meals with probably no tip, and half of my family hadn’t received any food yet, so they were pretty hangry. 

Not too long after the show started, I took out my food I had wrapped in a napkin and offered it to everyone. They were stubborn enough to refuse, so I happily ate dinner while they all grumbled and shot daggers at me throughout the show. Plan better next time, and this is coming from the member of the family who’s always late.

1 Thumbs
385