Daddy Issues: The Holiday Special

, , , , , | Romantic | January 23, 2018

(It’s Christmas Day, and my husband and I have just had his parents over for the morning. My husband’s father has already made several racist remarks — something he is quite prone to — and then makes it worse by going on and on about how he’s “not a racist.” This is a point of contention between my father-in-law and me, and unfortunately for everyone involved, he and I do not get along very well. My in-laws finally leave and my husband and I are both relieved.)

Husband: “I’m so sorry about him. I’m sorry that he is such a jerk and that he doesn’t realize what an amazing daughter-in-law he has. Thank you for marrying me and for staying with me.”

Me: “Honey, you are not your father. I love you. I would take a hundred [Father-In-Law]s for your sake.”

Husband: “And I could visit you every week in the psychiatric hospital!”

Don’t Unleash The Angry Green… Lizard?

, , , , , | Right | January 23, 2018

(We often have professional athletes come into our store, mostly just to look, but occasionally they buy from us. A professional football player adopts a lizard from us. He is very polite and pleasant all the times we do business with him. He lives in California, but is in Massachusetts during the season. When he returns to California, he has trouble bringing the lizard with him, so we board her for him, even reducing the typical price since it is likely going to be for a while. He pays us up-front for the entire first month. However, when we call after the second month, hoping he can pay us what he owes us, things aren’t as pleasant.)

Coworker: “We were hoping you could pay us at least some of what you owe us.”

Customer: “There’s a problem there. I can’t keep the lizard. My dog will kill it.”

Coworker: “Are you sure you don’t want to at least try? You really loved this lizard. We feel bad.”

Customer: “It’s just not going to work.”

Coworker: “Well, we’re sorry to hear that. We can place her in a new home. We just need you to pay what you owe us up until now.”

Customer: “That’s a problem.”

Coworker: “Why is that?”

Customer: “I don’t want to pay it.”

Coworker: *pause* “And why is that?”

Customer: “I don’t want to.”

Coworker: “But we’ve spent all this time caring for her and feeding her. And the lights we use for the set-up cost us money in electric bills.”

Customer: “I don’t understand why I should pay. I don’t want the lizard anymore.”

Coworker: “We can reduce the price, if you could just pay us at least [price].”

Customer: “I’m not happy with this. You’ve only seen my nice side up until now. You don’t want to see me when I’m angry.”

(He really couldn’t seem to understand why he should have to pay us for the services we provided. He argued with the owner, who threatened legal action. Eventually, he paid what we asked, still giving us major attitude and arrogance. We haven’t heard from him since.)

You Can’t Buy Trust

, , , , , | Working | January 22, 2018

(I work at an extremely popular chain bakery and cafe. We have recently gotten a new manager: a woman who has been bounced from cafe to cafe because of all the complaints that have been filed against her by employees and other managers. The company refuses to fire her because she is very good with customers and receives glowing reviews from them. A customer comes up to me in the middle of lunch rush.)

Customer: “Excuse me? All of the paper towels are out in the women’s bathroom.”

(I run off to get the paper towel dispenser key, which is kept in the office. I try to get in, but find the door locked. I go up to the new manager, who is swamped with sandwich orders.)

Me: “[Manager]? I need the bathroom keys, but they’re locked in the office. Can I borrow your keys to go get them?”

Manager: “No.”

Me: “I… What?”

Manager: “No, you cannot. There’s money in the office, and nobody is allowed in there when there is money in there.”

(This is correct, but only in stores that do not have cameras installed in the office. Ours, however, does have a camera installed.)

Me: “[Manager], we don’t have to follow that rule here. Please? I only need the keys for a second, and I can see through the office door that the only money that isn’t locked in the safe is change. It probably totals about $10 at the most.”

Manager: “No. I don’t trust you. Wait here while I finish what I’m doing, and then we will get them together.”

(I am taken aback. Not only have I not given this manager any reason not to trust me, but I also know that the general manager holds me in high regard, and that I have a reputation for being an extremely trustworthy person. Nonetheless, I stand and wait for her to finish the five or so sandwiches on her board. While standing there, I am approached by no less than five more customers, all telling me that the paper towels are out. Finally, the manager finishes.)

Manager: *unlocking the door* “All right, tell me where the keys are.”

(I move towards the doorway, fully intending to grab the keys myself. She SLAMS the door in my face, and yells through the door.)

Manager: “Tell me where they are!”

Me: “Do you see the tan box on the wall?”

Manager: “No.”

Me: “It’s a tan metal box with a lock on it. There’s a keychain hanging off of the knob with three skulls on it. It’s right next to the door. Do you see it?”

Manager: “No.”

(I try and fail to direct her towards the keys several times before she gets flustered and opens the door. I reach around the door, open the box, pull out the keys, and close the door behind me. The only part of me that enters the office is my arm up to my shoulder, and I don’t even need to look. I also don’t come within five feet of the money the entire time. On the way back out, the manager drops this gem.)

Manager: “It’s just, I really don’t trust you around money.”

Me: *muttering under my breath* “Well, that’s going to cause an issue, because I’m a cashier.”


Do you hate bad behavior? Show the world how you feel by stopping by our Antisocial collection in the NAR Store!

It’s Not Just A Cold Shoulder Anymore

, , , , , , | Related | January 19, 2018

(We have been having record-breaking cold temperatures for the past few days. My mom is complaining, and then she drops this gem.)

Mom: “It’s so cold I could key somebody’s car with my nipples without even trying!”

Dad: “YOU DID WHAT WITH YOUR NIPPLES?”

Unfiltered Story #103646

, | Unfiltered | January 14, 2018

(Every night we have to clear out the case of all fish and tags. We have to do this early because if we wait too long then we will be there after we close. We also have to put the case doors up which are thick glass that rise between the counter and the shop floor)

ME: Hello Ma’am, is there anything I can help you with?

Customer: You do not signs, I do not know what the prices are?

(Me hoping she is looking for something specific)
Me: Are you looking for a particular fish or something else?

Customer: I am looking for a white fish but I do not know the prices.
(I can barely hear the customer when she talks so I assume she can barely hear me too so I begin to speak louder)
(I go to the scales and find out the prices for the Haddock, Cod, and the grey sole)
ME: The haddock is fresh at $11.99, the Cod is previously frozen for $9.99 and the grey sole is $8.99.

Customer: I want the haddock.

(I got the customer the haddock and weight the fish up.

Customer: whats that on the scale.

(Our scales tend to have debris, when i mean debris i mean there was crumbs left over from the coconut cod that we also sell in our case.)

ME: That is the coco cod that is left on the scale. Would you like me to go to another scale.

Customer: Yes please.
( I go o another scale and weigh the fish up but before I can do anything else)

Customer: May you wash the scale.

(I reply back to her what she just said and she gave me those “Yeah, om my god becky, thats like what i totally said looks”)

(I give the scale to the associate who looks at me funny and i just simply tell him to just wash the scale. He asks if I want to wash the other one but I said no. Through this he understood quickly that it was because of a customer.)

(I go to move to check up on other customers but…)

Customer: What are you doing

Me: I was going to help one of the other customers since we have to wait for the scale to clean.

Customer: No, you are waiting on me.

(I immediatly realized that this B**** was for real, I knew before she finished her sentence that I would be called into the managers office about this soon)

(I waited about five minutes, before the co-worker realized that I needed that scale for the current customer.)

(When I go the scale back i put the fish back on the scale)

Customer: I want another fish

Me: do you still want this fish?

Customer: What do you think?

Me: I do not now (In my head im thinking the katy perry song, Your hot and your cold, your yes and your no)

Customer: I want another fish.

Me: Do you want the same type of fish?

Customer: yes

(I weight the new fish and about to put the fish in a plastic bag before she can say)

Customer: I want the fish wrapped in paper.

Me: Okay, (I walk over to the meat department because we do not have a paper wrapper as soon as I am done I give her her fish)

Customer: May I have your name?

ME: yes( in the back of my mind I knew if I said my name I would get the hit so I used a made up name)

ME: my name is Joseph

(the customer next to the case loudly says)

Customer 2: She was a F***** idiot.

(I nearly died)

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