(I work in an eye doctor’s office, selling eyeglasses. This happens entirely too often.)
Customer: “Do you take my insurance?”
Me: ” Well, what’s your insurance?”
Customer:” I don’t know…”
Me: “Well, do you have your card on you?”
Customer: ” No, why would I need that?”
Customer: “I would like to return these pants.”
Me: “Okay, do you have your receipt?”
Customer: “Yes, I do.” *hands the receipt to me* “I’m returning them because the girl blew her nose and picked up a receipt off the floor and didn’t wash her hands. I think they are contaminated. They are dirty now. You need to train your employees to be sanitary.”
Me: “Aren’t you the woman who used to come in the dry cleaners I used to work at and always complain and try to get a free order? Then I went to working at [Local Drug Store] and you had issues there, too. Let me tell you something. We are sales associates who try to do our jobs and make other people happy. But you are one customer who I know well, and nothing satisfies you.”
Customer: “I want to see a manager.”
(Manager comes up to the register.)
Manager: “How may I help you?”
Customer: “This employee is back-talking me.”
Manager: *holding up the pants* “What is your reason for returning this now? Let me tell you something, miss. Every week, you are in here returning something, sometimes more than once a week.”
Customer: “Well, your sales associates are disrespectful and this item was touched by someone who didn’t wash their hands after they rang me up and they blew their nose. They also picked up a slip off the floor. I can’t shop in a store so dirty.”
Manager: “I can return the pants, but honestly, I don’t like to lose customers. In your case, however, your returns are far outweighing your purchases and we feel you are abusing our return policy. This is the last return we are processing for you. I am asking you to not come back in this store, as you’ve had a history of harassing associates.”
(The customer took the completed return and left, clearly in shock. That’s the last time I saw the Watertown Retail Bully ever around my area.)
(I, my aunt, and a family friend all carpool out to eat at a restaurant that usually provides good service and great food. Our friend orders a glass of wine.)
Waitress: “Here’s your wine. You’re not driving tonight, are you?”
Friend: “Oh, no, we all came in one car and I’m not the driver. No worries, dear!”
Waitress: “Okay.”
(We figure that’s the end of it, but then we get our meals.)
Friend: “That glass of wine was so good! Could I get another one, please?”
Waitress: “Oooookay, but that’s your last one for the night, okay?”
(Our friend looks upset, so at this point I decide to step in.)
Me: “[Waitress], I really appreciate what you’re doing here; drunk driving is a serious issue. However, as we’ve already told you, she is not the driver tonight, so please just get her what she asks.”
Waitress: “Hey. You drink, you drive, you lose!”
Me: “She’s not driving! Listen to us! We all came in one car and it’s her–” *point to my aunt* “–that’s driving us all home. No one at this table is getting behind any wheel after drinking alcohol, okay?”
(The waitress wordlessly walked away, but our friend still looked a little embarrassed. We reassured her that she was fine and decided not to push the issue with a manager. After we paid and left, I glanced behind us as we were getting in the car and saw the same waitress watching us all get in to make sure our friend wasn’t driving! I just shook my head and decided not to upset our friend any more by telling her.)
Customer: “Hello, I’ll take a medium decaf ‘cup of chino.’”
Me: “Medium decaf cappuccino?”
Customer: “Yes, ‘cup of chino.’” *I turn around to make her drink* “Where are you from?”
Me: “I’m from Cape Cod. How about you?”
Customer: “Oh, I thought you were foreign. It’s pronounced ‘cup of chino,’ honey, not ‘cappuccino.’”
(This story was told to me about a long time ago by my grandfather. He is working on site with a new guy who is put in charge of moving materials with the heavy equipment. New Guy has been in one spot for a while moving materials from left to right, always doing a full 360 degree turn. The boss notices this, then after a while he turns to my grandfather.)
Boss: “Hey, watch this.” *runs out to the new guy* “HEY! HEY, [New Guy!] WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!”
New Guy: “Wh— Only what you told me to, sir!”
Boss: “No, no, that machine you’re sitting in. Have you been making full turns to move this stuff the whole time?”
New Guy: “Yes.”
Boss: “WHAT?! Don’t you realize that operates on a corkscrew? Turn it the way you’ve been turning it enough and you’ll twist it right off, effectively destroying it!”
New Guy: *nervously* “But nobody told me th—”
Boss: “How many times have you spun this thing?”
New Guy: “I don’t know, maybe thirty?”
Boss: “HOLY S***! YOU’RE RIGHT NEAR THE LIMIT! YOU’D BETTER SIT HERE AND START SPINNING THE OPPOSITE DIRECTION UNTIL IT STOPS TURNING AT THE BOTTOM, RIGHT NOW!”
New Guy: *almost panicking* “Yes, sir. I’m so sorry! I’m sorry!”
(The boss walks back to my grandfather.)
Grandfather: “Please don’t tell me that you, the boss, think it operates on a corkscrew?”
(The boss looks at the new guy just spinning the equipment again and again and breaks down laughing.)
Grandfather: “You’re such an a**.”
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