Prismatically Incorrect

, , , | Right | December 2, 2010

Customer: “Hi, do your Renaissance cake toppers have swastika crystals?”

Me: “I’m sorry, do you mean Swarovski crystals?”

Customer: “Yeah, those.”

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Doesn’t Enjoy Bird Watching But Quite Likes The Woods

, , , , | Right | December 1, 2010

(I am sitting quietly in Current Affairs class when I get a tap on the back from a student behind me.)

Student: “Hey. Is Dick Cheney the funny man on TV?”

Me: “No, he was the vice president during the Bush administration.”

Student: *blank look*

Me: “You know, he was the one who shot his friend in the face while quail hunting?”

Student: “Oh, my God, he what?! Wait, what’s a quail?”

Me: “It’s a type of bird.”

Student: “Why on earth would anyone kill a bird?”

Me: “To eat?”

Student: “That’s disgusting!”

Me: “Where do you think chickens come from!?”

Student: “Oh… right. I swear I’m not dumb! I know who Tiger Woods is!”

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Articulated Truck Drivers Aren’t Articulate

, , , | Right | October 25, 2010

(A truck driver walks up to the desk and stares at the wall behind me.)

Me: “Can… I help you?”

Driver: “Yeaaaaa…” *waits ten seconds, looks behind him, looks back at me, waits another five seconds* “I don’t have my shipment numbers.”

Me: “Well, where are they?”

Driver: “They’re in the truck.”

Me: “They’re in the truck?”

Driver: “Yup.”

Me: “So you left the truck with the numbers inside, walked all the way through the property, and up to my desk to tell me you left the numbers in the truck?”

Driver: “Yeaaaaaaa.” *stares at the wall again*

Me: “You want to go get them?”

Driver: “Get what?”

Me: “Are you filming this?”

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When Sizes Are XXX

, , , , , | Right | October 24, 2010

(I am assisting a man holding a small and medium shirt.)

Me: “Can I help you?”

Customer: “I’m just thinking about S and M.”

Me: “I’ll leave you to that, then.”

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Suffering From A Reptile Dysfunction

, , , , | Right | September 17, 2010

(I am holding one of our bearded dragon lizards for customers to pet.)

Customer: “Okay, so I know they’re bearded dragons, but what are they?”

Me: “They are bearded dragons.”

Customer: “I know that, but aren’t they a type of insect or something?”

Me: “No, ma’am. They are a type of reptile.”

Customer: “Oh. Are they related to the ones that breathe fire?”

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