Assault And Battery

, , , , | Right | September 3, 2010

Customer: “Hi, I think I have a problem with my computer. I tried fixing it myself, but now it’s just not booting at all. I’d like to have it backed up, too, while you’re at it, because I run a business and I can’t afford to lose anything.”

(The next day, I call the customer.)

Me: “Hello, sir, was this the only copy you had for your business data?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “Well, do you have any disgruntled employees that may have had access to your computer recently?”

Customer: “No, why?”

Me: “Well, sir, the hard drive has been hacked at with what looks like a flat-head screwdriver, severing a connection on the bottom.  It appears very deliberate, and we won’t be able to retrieve your data.”

Customer: “Do you mean the battery?”

Me: “No, sir, the hard drive.”

Customer: “Oh. I thought that little round thing on the bottom of the hard drive was a battery. I was just trying to replace it. Well, I’ll just come in and pick that up.”

Customer: “Very good, sir.”

(Four minutes later, he calls back.)

Customer: “Just a quick thing: if my wife comes in and asks about it, could you leave that part out?”

1 Thumbs
2,104

You’ll Just Have To Weight

, , , , , , | Right | September 3, 2010

Customer: “Could you add the tomato I sampled to the total price?”

Me: “Do you mean you ate it?”

Customer: “Yes, please add it.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but we charge tomatoes by the pound, so that would be kind of hard to do.”

Customer: *thinks for a second* “Well, I weighed 157 pounds before I ate it…”


This story is part of the Farmer roundup.

Click here to read the next story!

Click here to go to the roundup!

1 Thumbs
2,084

Slippery When Wet

, , , , , | Right | August 22, 2010

(I’m working at a football stadium at a Bon Jovi concert. A drunk customer orders a water.)

Customer: “Why can I not have the cap to this!?”

Me: “It’s the policy that we can’t give them to you. People used to throw full bottles onto the field and stages during events and it’s a safety hazard for the performers, athletes, and other members of the audience.”

Customer: *absolutely serious* “Why would ANYONE want to throw ANYTHING at Bon Jovi?!”

1 Thumbs
2,952

When (Not) In Rome

, , , , | Right | August 18, 2010

Me: “Thanks for calling [Executive Car Company]. How can I help you?”

Caller: “I need to make a reservation.”

Me: “Sure, where is the pick-up?”

Caller: “A hotel called the George V?” *she pronounces it like the letter ‘V’* “It’s in Paris, France.”

Me: “Okay.”

Caller: “Oh, wait. It’s called the Hotel Five!”

Me: “That makes sense, since the V must be a Roman numeral.”

Caller: “Yeah, V must mean ‘five’ in French. It was confusing to me and you because we are English.”

Me: “Haha, yeah. That must be it…”

1 Thumbs
2,402

Totally Randumb

, , , , , | Right | August 18, 2010

Customer: “Okay, so, I can’t decide what color I should get. Green, blue, or pink?”

Me: “Well, I really like the green.”

Customer: “No, no, never mind. I’ll just flip a coin.”

(The customer tries to find a coin in their pocket.)

Me: “I have a penny, if you’d like it.”

Customer: “Nah, I’m fine. I’ll just flip the coin in my head.”


Did you find this story using our Lucky Penny roundup?

Click here to get back to it!

Click here to see the next story!

1 Thumbs
2,243