(It’s Christmas Day, and my husband and I have just had his parents over for the morning. My husband’s father has already made several racist remarks — something he is quite prone to — and then makes it worse by going on and on about how he’s “not a racist.” This is a point of contention between my father-in-law and me, and unfortunately for everyone involved, he and I do not get along very well. My in-laws finally leave and my husband and I are both relieved.)

Husband: “I’m so sorry about him. I’m sorry that he is such a jerk and that he doesn’t realize what an amazing daughter-in-law he has. Thank you for marrying me and for staying with me.”

Me: “Honey, you are not your father. I love you. I would take a hundred [Father-In-Law]s for your sake.”

Husband: “And I could visit you every week in the psychiatric hospital!”

(We often have professional athletes come into our store, mostly just to look, but occasionally they buy from us. A professional football player adopts a lizard from us. He is very polite and pleasant all the times we do business with him. He lives in California, but is in Massachusetts during the season. When he returns to California, he has trouble bringing the lizard with him, so we board her for him, even reducing the typical price since it is likely going to be for a while. He pays us up-front for the entire first month. However, when we call after the second month, hoping he can pay us what he owes us, things aren’t as pleasant.)

Coworker: “We were hoping you could pay us at least some of what you owe us.”

Customer: “There’s a problem there. I can’t keep the lizard. My dog will kill it.”

Coworker: “Are you sure you don’t want to at least try? You really loved this lizard. We feel bad.”

Customer: “It’s just not going to work.”

Coworker: “Well, we’re sorry to hear that. We can place her in a new home. We just need you to pay what you owe us up until now.”

Customer: “That’s a problem.”

Coworker: “Why is that?”

Customer: “I don’t want to pay it.”

Coworker: *pause* “And why is that?”

Customer: “I don’t want to.”

Coworker: “But we’ve spent all this time caring for her and feeding her. And the lights we use for the set-up cost us money in electric bills.”

Customer: “I don’t understand why I should pay. I don’t want the lizard anymore.”

Coworker: “We can reduce the price, if you could just pay us at least [price].”

Customer: “I’m not happy with this. You’ve only seen my nice side up until now. You don’t want to see me when I’m angry.”

(He really couldn’t seem to understand why he should have to pay us for the services we provided. He argued with the owner, who threatened legal action. Eventually, he paid what we asked, still giving us major attitude and arrogance. We haven’t heard from him since.)

(I work at an extremely popular chain bakery and cafe. We have recently gotten a new manager: a woman who has been bounced from cafe to cafe because of all the complaints that have been filed against her by employees and other managers. The company refuses to fire her because she is very good with customers and receives glowing reviews from them. A customer comes up to me in the middle of lunch rush.)

Customer: “Excuse me? All of the paper towels are out in the women’s bathroom.”

(I run off to get the paper towel dispenser key, which is kept in the office. I try to get in, but find the door locked. I go up to the new manager, who is swamped with sandwich orders.)

Me: “[Manager]? I need the bathroom keys, but they’re locked in the office. Can I borrow your keys to go get them?”

Manager: “No.”

Me: “I… What?”

Manager: “No, you cannot. There’s money in the office, and nobody is allowed in there when there is money in there.”

(This is correct, but only in stores that do not have cameras installed in the office. Ours, however, does have a camera installed.)

Me: “[Manager], we don’t have to follow that rule here. Please? I only need the keys for a second, and I can see through the office door that the only money that isn’t locked in the safe is change. It probably totals about $10 at the most.”

Manager: “No. I don’t trust you. Wait here while I finish what I’m doing, and then we will get them together.”

(I am taken aback. Not only have I not given this manager any reason not to trust me, but I also know that the general manager holds me in high regard, and that I have a reputation for being an extremely trustworthy person. Nonetheless, I stand and wait for her to finish the five or so sandwiches on her board. While standing there, I am approached by no less than five more customers, all telling me that the paper towels are out. Finally, the manager finishes.)

Manager: *unlocking the door* “All right, tell me where the keys are.”

(I move towards the doorway, fully intending to grab the keys myself. She SLAMS the door in my face, and yells through the door.)

Manager: “Tell me where they are!”

Me: “Do you see the tan box on the wall?”

Manager: “No.”

Me: “It’s a tan metal box with a lock on it. There’s a keychain hanging off of the knob with three skulls on it. It’s right next to the door. Do you see it?”

Manager: “No.”

(I try and fail to direct her towards the keys several times before she gets flustered and opens the door. I reach around the door, open the box, pull out the keys, and close the door behind me. The only part of me that enters the office is my arm up to my shoulder, and I don’t even need to look. I also don’t come within five feet of the money the entire time. On the way back out, the manager drops this gem.)

Manager: “It’s just, I really don’t trust you around money.”

Me: *muttering under my breath* “Well, that’s going to cause an issue, because I’m a cashier.”

(We have been having record-breaking cold temperatures for the past few days. My mom is complaining, and then she drops this gem.)

Mom: “It’s so cold I could key somebody’s car with my nipples without even trying!”

Dad: “YOU DID WHAT WITH YOUR NIPPLES?”

(I am shopping with a friend. I notice a new employee at the register. While most employees at this store wear clothes with goth and/or metal aesthetics, she stands out; she is absolutely decked out with the store’s merchandise, and she has dyed a bright blue streak in her hair. Initially, I think little of it, and when I’m finished with my shopping, I go to her register to pay. Then…)

Employee: “Okay, and what is your email address?”

Me: “Why are you asking me for that information?”

Employee: *snottily* “Management says that everybody who shops here is joining our rewards program. Give me your email address.”

Me: “I have never heard of that policy before. What is my email address being used for?”

Employee: “Everybody who shops here is required to sign up for the rewards program to purchase. I am signing you up.”

Me: “No, thank you. You haven’t even explained what it is.”

Employee: “We will send you frequent promotional messages telling you what’s new at [Store]. You can also earn points with every purchase. It’s free money, and who doesn’t like that?”

Me: “No, thanks; I don’t want any emails from here. I want to pay for my stuff.” *pulls out wallet*

Employee: “I mean, I guess you could not join, if you really hate getting good deals and free money.”

Me: “I don’t want emails, thank you. Please let me pay.”

Employee: “But you’ve already earned points. I mean, there’s no need to be so wasteful.”

Me: “No, thank you. Here is my credit card.”

Employee: “If you don’t sign up for a rewards program, I’m giving them to the next customers. Those two guys behind you are going to steal your points.”

Me: “They can have them. Please let me buy my stuff.”

Employee: *glares as she slowly swipes my debit card on both sides* “Well, people have turned down joining the rewards program and regretted it before. Are you—”

Me: “I do not want to join your rewards program.”

Employee: “Ugh, fine.”

(I got my card and purchased stuff from her with no negative repercussions. She did indeed push the program on the two guys behind me; they obliged pretty quickly as she made passive-aggressive remarks about my intelligence. My friend reported similar behavior when she tried to pay later on, and even a few months later, when it turned out the employee not only managed to stick around but works most days and hours of the week. We have not returned since!)