No Fortitude For Longitude, Part 2

, , , , , | Right | March 15, 2010

Customer: “Hi, you guys were supposed to send me an email, and I haven’t gotten it yet.”

Me: “Okay, I see we sent that email at 3:05 p.m. Eastern Standard Time. Can you confirm your email address is [email address]?”

Customer: “Yes, that’s it. What time did you send it?”

Me: “3:05 p.m. Eastern Time.”

Customer: “Oh, okay; that’s why. I’m in Central Time, so it’ll take an hour to get here. Thanks!”

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Swimming With The Phishes

, , , , , | Right | February 24, 2010

Caller: “I never give my card to anyone! You must have randomly charged it! I demand a refund!”

Me: “Well, I’d be happy to assist your bank in their review of these charges.”

Caller: “No, you won’t! You stole my card! How did you guys get it, anyway?”

(I explain here that the card was likely compromised through either a card scanner or through a phishing email. After I explain what a phishing email is…)

Caller: “Wait… so, could it have been that Australian Lottery that I won?”

Me: “I would say almost certainly, sir.”

Caller: “So, I’m not going to get that prize?”

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Canada: America’s Hat

, , , , , , | Right | February 3, 2010

(The customer’s total is $9.67. She hands me a ten-dollar bill and three Canadian quarters.)

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, I can’t accept this change.”

Customer: “Why not? It’s 67 cents and I gave you 75.”

Me: “Right, but this is Canadian currency.”

Customer: “So? They’re still quarters.”

Me: “Right, but they’re Canadian Quarters. I can’t accept foreign currency.”

Customer: “Canada’s not foreign! It’s in America!”

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Acting Rashly

, , , , | Right | February 1, 2010

Me: “Hi, this is [College] help desk. What can I do for you?

Caller: *sobbing* “You have got to help me!”

Me: “Okay, miss. What seems to be the problem?”

Caller: “I have this huge rash all over my butt!”

Me: “Miss, you do realize this is a tech help desk… like, for computers?”

Caller: “But I don’t know who else to call!”

Me: “Well, you could try health services. I can get you the number.”

Caller: “No, I already called them.”

Me: “And they couldn’t help you?”

Caller: “They wanted me to come in! But I don’t want people to know. Can’t you just tell me how to get rid of it?”

Me: “Miss, I honestly have no idea. I’ve never had your… problem.”

Caller: “What about your friends?”

Me: “Well, none that I know of.”

Caller: “Oh, my God, I AM a freak!” *hangs up while still sobbing*

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