(Several weeks ago, security spotted a woman hiding items under her toddler’s stroller, then leaving the store. They were unable to catch up with her, but posted a picture of her as someone to watch out for. She has just entered the store with the stroller. Almost immediately she starts hiding items under it. Security starts carefully monitoring her on the cameras while someone shadows her. After a few minutes, she starts heading for the door.)

Security: “Excuse me, I’m going to have to ask you to step aside. We would like you to speak with the poli– Hey!”

(The woman takes off running through the second set of doors and across the parking lot. After a moment, the security guy talks over the walkie talkie.)

Security: “Uh, call police in. We have an issue. She left the stroller.”

Office: “So, you have the stolen goods?”

Security: “Yes, but… the baby is still in the stroller.”

(Police responded quickly, and the child was taken by a social worker. Five hours later, the thief showed back up with an older woman and sheepishly asked if we could give her her child back. Instead, she was arrested. The stolen goods were less than $100, so the theft charge was much less significant than the charge for abandoning her child.)

(I work in a single-location clothing boutique, and the credit card chip reading machines aren’t always up and running for smaller businesses. Because of this, we check ID on every credit transaction, no matter the amount.)

Me: “Okay, ma’am, your total is [total].”

Customer: *hands me an unsigned card*

Me: “And would you happen to have your ID on you?”

Customer: *side eyes me, but pulls it out* “W… Why do you need my ID?”

Me: “It’s just our policy, especially if the card is unsigned!”

Customer: *stares blankly*

Me: *trying to make a joke* “I’m just making sure you’re spending your own money!”

Customer: “But… but I’ve had this card since 1986. Why wouldn’t it be my money? You’re supposed to sign your card?”

Me: “Oh, that’s what the little box on the back is for! At any rate, we’d just rather check ID, to make sure you and we are protected.”

Customer: “But it’s my money.”

(She then wandered away, totally confused about how someone who wasn’t her could be using her credit card. Poor lady.)

Related:
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 78
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 77
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 76

(Two employees of the store I manage happen to request vacation time over the same dates. We can’t operate with both out of the store at the same time. While usually we give preference to the employee with seniority, this is unofficial. This time, the vacation time is given to the less senior employee. After a complaint, I go to ask the assistant store manager who handles scheduling why.)

Assistant Manager: “Well, you know [Employee #1] is a member of my church. She is going on a mission trip to spread the word of God, and it just seemed so much more important than a plain old vacation. [Employee #2] can just reschedule.”

Me: “I wish you had come to me first, because that’s absolutely not what I would have told you to do. I’m going to make seniority the official policy to stop that from happening.”

Assistant Manager: “You can’t do that! We need discretion for vacation approvals!”

(We each end up writing an email to our district manager to plead our case, and he calls a meeting to hash out a policy.)

District Manager: “Okay, so it looks like your argument is that we should look at the details of the vacation request and give it to who you personally feel has the more legitimate need?”

Assistant Manager: “Yes, but I’m so mad right now! [Employee #1] claimed she was going on a mission trip, but instead, she went to Vegas! The pictures were all over Facebook! I can’t believe she would do that to me!”

Me: “Which is exactly why a simple policy with no personal prejudices would mean less hurt feelings.”

(The policy went into effect corporate-wide a few months ago.)

(I am a telecom technician. I have been sent to troubleshoot an Internet issue for an auto parts store in Maryland. I eliminate all customer equipment as possibilities and call the service provider, who insists they can see the connection up at the “smart jack,” a box at the end of their cable inside the building. Anything before that point is their problem; anything after that is mine.)

Me: “Yeah, [Line] is down on 20- to 30-minute intervals, and the customer is pissed; they use VoIP phones, and without Internet, customers can’t call them and they can’t look up parts.”

Tech: “I can ping the smart jack, sir.”

Me: *unplugs smart jack* “Humor me; is it still up? We’re testing for a periodic issue.”

Tech: “Just a minute. Yes, it is still up.”

Me: “That’s some magic trick.”

Tech: “I’m sorry?”

Me: “Well, I just think it’s amazing you can ping a smart jack that’s not turned on.”

Tech: “…”

Me: “Tell you what. How about a vendor meet?” *as in, I meet their technician at the site and we work together to fix the issue*

Tech: “All right, sir, does tomorrow at nine work?”

Me: “Perfect. Please be on time, though; I have four other work orders that day.”

(I show up at 8:40. Come 9:30, I call in to ask where their technician is. After some confused techs pass the phone around, I learn the vendor meet was never scheduled. They redirect a tech to me with an ETA of 11 am. Come 12:30, there is still no tech, and I reschedule for tomorrow at 9:00. Nearly the same thing repeats, until eventually:)

Me: “Where is your technician? They’re overdue by hours! Again!“

Provider Rep: “They said they were onsite, sir.”

Me: “The parking lot is the size of a basketball court. They’re not here.”

(Just then, I see a van trying to leave the cul-de-sac, with the provider’s name on the side. I hang up and flag him down.)

Me: “Are you the tech I’m meeting?”

Tech: “No, I was working over there.”

Me: “Really? Was anyone there to meet you?”

Tech: “No! I hate when vendor techs leave without telling me! It’s such a pain!”

Me: “What address is on your work order?”

Tech: “Oh, [Auto Parts Store] at [address].”

(I wordlessly turn 90 degrees and point at the building. The [Auto Parts Store] sign is massive and illuminated, with the address printed above the door)

Me: “So, let me show you this problem…”

(Eventually it was fixed.)

(Over the past few months, a huge number of people’s lunches and food have gone missing from the break room fridge. I set up a camera and catch the culprit taking a lunch. I have to sit down for a write-up with her and her supervisor.)

Me: “We called you in because I have evidence that you’ve stolen from a coworker.”

Employee: “I’m not a thief! I didn’t steal anything.”

Me: “Okay, I have the video here, and your supervisor has already watched it. It clearly shows you taking someone else’s food out of the refrigerator and eating it.”

Employee: *laughing* “Oh, that’s not stealing.”

Supervisor: “Yes… Yes, it is. In fact, my lunch went missing a week ago; was that you, as well?”

Employee: “I have to do that, though! I only get a twenty-minute break. It’s just long enough to throw food down my throat. I don’t even get a chance to enjoy it; I just have to throw it down.”

Me: “That’s a standard break for a four-hour shift, and it doesn’t mean you can steal from others.”

Employee: “You don’t understand! I can’t go out for a meal in that time. I can’t have a good meal. I’m just eating as fast as I can.”

Supervisor: “But you have taken other’s things. Just bring your own food, or buy from the vending machine.”

Employee: “But that’s money! It’s not fair that I have to just shove food down that I paid for.”

Me: “Okay. I need you to understand that this counts as a final written warning. Any other problems, and we will be letting you go.”

(Two days later, an employee tells me that their lunch is missing again. I review the footage and find the same employee stealing the lunch. I find her on the floor and hand her her termination papers.)

Employee: “You can’t do that! It’s not fair! I thought you would stop recording after you caught me the first time! You had to tell me you were still watching the fridge! I’m going to sue.”

(I kind of hope she does. I’d love to hear her argument in court!)