Whipped For The Cream

, , , | Right | February 27, 2011

(A male customer comes into my cafe and spends five minutes staring at the baked goods before finally coming up to order.)

Customer: “Well, there’s no manly way to say this: I want a cream puff.”

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An Offer Without A Leg To Stand On

, , , | Right | February 24, 2011

(A customer pays at the window and continues to sit there.)

Customer: “We could run away together.”

Me: “Uhm…”

Customer: “But we wouldn’t get very far. I don’t have any legs.”

Me: *noticing the handicap tags on the mirror* “How are you driving?”

Customer: “It’s a secret.” *drives away*

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Must Be Really Hungry

, , , | Right | February 14, 2011

Me: “Your table is not quite ready yet. Let me give you this pager. It will go off as soon as the table is set.”

Customer: “Okay, thank you. What’s the range on this pager?”

Me: “Just on this side of the courtyard.”

Customer: “All right, and if I lick it, will it electrocute me?”

Me: *pause* “Please… just… don’t.”

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So Pho, So Crazy, Part 2

, , , , , | Right | January 5, 2011

Me: “Hello, ma’am, how can I help you today?”

Customer: “Sorry, I was just curious. What ethnicity are you?”

Me: “Oh, I’m Vietnamese.”

Customer: “What’s that?”

Me: “You know, from Vietnam?”

*blank stare*

Me: “…like the Vietnam War?”

Customer: “Oh! You were in that?”

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If Half A Brain, Then Half Off

, , , | Right | January 1, 2011

Customer: “Miss? I have a question for you.”

Me: “Of course, what can I help you with today?”

Customer: “I found these movies on that rack over there. The sign says ‘2 for $20’ and I was wondering how much they would be if I bought both of them.”

Me: “Ma’am, anything on that rack is $20 if you buy two.”

Customer: “No, I want these two specifically. The tags on them say that they are $20 each!”

Me: “I can see the confusion here, but I assure you that if you buy both of those they will only be $20.”

Customer: “But the tags say $20!”

Me: “Actually, ma’am, I’m pretty sure I remember seeing you in here a few times before. Those are $20 apiece, but since you’re such a loyal customer I’ll knock off half.”

Customer: “Oh, thanks! You’re so helpful!”

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