Anti-Vaxxers Are Dumber Than Cats

, , , , | Right | February 19, 2020

(I work as a veterinary technician at a vet’s office. I’m the first one to greet the clients and get some background before the doctor comes in.)

Me: “So, it looks like both your cats are due for the Feline Distemper Vaccine, so we can take care of that today.”

Client: “That’s great! Are the vaccines safe?”

Me: “Well, with all vaccines there is always a risk of an allergic reaction. If you’d like, we can pre-treat both of them with Benadryl before they get the shots.”

Client: “That’s all right. They’ll be fine. But that’s not what I meant.”

Me: “Do you have other concerns with the vaccine?”

Client: “Yes, I’m concerned that the vaccine might mess up their little heads.”

Me: “Sorry?”

Client: “I don’t want my babies getting autism or anything like that.”

Me: *screaming internally* “Well, I can certainly check with the doctor before we give the vaccines to make sure they’re safe.”

Client: “Good. I want to keep my boys healthy!”

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Probably A Fencing Operation

, , , | Right | February 18, 2020

(One of our stock workers opens up the back door to put out some pallets today and is shocked to find a customer in the loading dock area who immediately demands to speak to a manager.)

Customer: “I am horrified! I was out here for two hours! In this cold!”

Me: “I’m confused. What happened?”

Customer: “Well, I was looking for a register, and I went through some doors, and then I found another door. But when I went through that door, I was outside and the door locked behind me!”

(I realize he went through the marked employees-only doors, down the hall, through the back stockroom, and somehow out one of the fire doors.)

Me: “I’m sorry to hear that, but why were you there for two hours?”

Customer: “There’s a fence on all the sides! I was trapped in a pen like an animal! I can’t believe you’d do this to a customer!”

Me: “Well, this really isn’t something we prepared for. Why didn’t you open the gate and leave?”

Customer: “How was I supposed to know that was a gate? You should have had someone come out and open it for me. I should sue.”

(Security found footage of him walking through the store and has set it aside, just in case.)

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They Sometimes Forget That We Want To KEEP Our Jobs

, , , , , | Right | February 7, 2020

(I work at a popular craft store. Our coupon policy states that customers are limited to one coupon per day and cannot combine offers. This week, we have two coupons out.)

Customer: “I’d like to use both of these coupons in my transaction.”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but I can only use one coupon today.”

Customer: “How come? I don’t understand.”

Me: “It is company policy. Customers are limited to one coupon per day.”

Customer: “Well, can I do two separate transactions?”

Me: “No, ma’am. Unfortunately, you can only use one coupon per day. See, it says right here on the coupon.”

(I read her the coupon policy, which clearly states that customers are limited to one coupon per day.)

Customer: “I still don’t understand. Why can’t I use both of my coupons? Other stores do it.”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. That’s company policy. I can’t.”

Customer: “What if I came back later in the day? You wouldn’t know the difference.”

Me: “Ma’am, I’ll be here until we close.”

Customer: “I don’t understand! Why can’t you do it?!”

Me: “Because, ma’am, I don’t want to lose my job!”

Customer: *complete tone change* “Oh. That makes sense.”

(After that, she didn’t say anything anymore.)

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Closing Time Crime

, , , | Right | February 7, 2020

(I work at a craft store as a cashier. We have closed and are trying to get the last few customers out of the store. It is a little past 9:00 pm. I have one more customer left to check out.)

Me: “Ma’am, are you returning these items today?”

Customer: “Yes.”

(I process her return.)

Me: “Okay! Thank you very much! Have a good night!”

Customer: “Oh, I’m not done. I need to buy something.”

Me: “Ma’am, we’re closed. We closed [minutes] ago at 9:00.”

Customer: *looks at me disapprovingly* “Oh, no. I still need to get some stuff!”

(The customer walks away, forcing me to keep my register open even longer. The customer returns with a few items.)

Me: “Okay, ma’am. Your total comes to [dollar amount].”

Customer: “Oh, no. That’s not right at all. These were all on sale.”

Me: *sighs* “Would you like me to have someone do a price check for you?”

Customer: “Yes.”

(At this point, it is about 9:20 pm. I call for someone to help the customer. He takes her to the place she said that she found the product. He informs her that she is incorrect about the pricing. My coworker has to get the manager because the customer is giving him a hard time. Eventually, the customer comes back up to the register, clearly unhappy.)

Customer: “Well, I don’t want any of these items, then. I just want this one.”

Me: “Okay.”

(I void the other items in her transaction. When I finish her transaction, it is about 9:30 pm, thirty minutes after we were supposed to close.)

Me: “Thank you. Have a nice night!”

Customer: “Thanks for your patience!”

Me: *silence*

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Crime Stinks

, , , , , | Legal | February 7, 2020

New perfume sample bottles are put out one day. Security catches a guy watching, and sure enough, he starts to sneak around. Before long, he has twenty full bottles stashed in his coat and pants pockets, never realizing we watched the whole thing on camera.

Security is waiting by the door, but when they approach him, he takes off running. It turns out it’s not easy to run with a few pounds of glass bottles clanking around. He makes it about five feet out the door before he trips and hurts himself. Security brings him back in.

This is where the problem begins. A bunch of the bottles cracked in the fall. By the time we get him back to the office, his coat is actually wet with perfume. The combination of scents is eye-watering.

We call the police and try to set up a fan to blow the smell out of the hallway to no avail. The first cop rounds the corner, pauses, and just mutters, “Oh, my God,” before he even sees the thief.

Police end up drawing straws to see whose patrol car the guy will be in. Later, when I see that cop, he tells me the jail wasn’t happy as the thief was held for the weekend, and the cell still hasn’t aired out.

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