Five Quatloos

, , , , , | Right | December 28, 2017

(A customer is leaning against the wall at the top of the escalator when I come upstairs.)

Customer: “Hey, are you a manager?”

Me: “Yes. What can I do for you?”

Customer: *looking down at phone* “How long will it be?”

Me: “How long will it be for what?”

Customer: *still looking at phone* “I just want to know how long it will be.”

Me: “I’m afraid I don’t know what you mean.”

Customer: “Just… how long?”

(I try to glance at his screen, to see if he is referring to something on it. He snatches the phone away, shooting me a dirty look.)

Customer: “You don’t have to be a b****. You should know how long it will be.”

Me: “Five.”

Customer: “Five? Okay, thanks.” *he leaves*

Coworker: “Five what?”

Me: “I have no idea; I just wanted to get rid of him.”

Have A Bad Feeling About This

, , , | Healthy | December 28, 2017

I have a regular gynecologist who I’ve been seeing for several years. Usually before she begins the exam, she’ll touch the speculum to my thigh, and move it up my leg, saying ‘Feel this, feel this,’ to get me used to the feel and temperature before she begins the exam. Today, she’s asked me if it’s all right if an intern does my exam while she supervises, and I agree.

The intern is super nervous, and admits to me that I’m the first patient today that’s agreed to it. When she begins the exam, she picks up the speculum and starts tapping it to the side of my knee. “Um, so… You’ll feel this…”

My doctor and I both burst out laughing, and my doctor had to correct her. I hope I didn’t break her confidence!

Bad Customers Follow You From Store To Store

, , , , , | Right | December 27, 2017

(The company I work for goes out of business. Fortunately, I am able to get a position in a department store in the same mall, then eventually am promoted to store manager. There is a lot of overlap in the customers. I’m walking the floor one afternoon, when a customer sees me and flags me over.)

Customer: “Hey, don’t you work at [Old Store]?”

Me: “Good eye! They closed about three years ago, and I’ve been working here ever since.”

Customer: “Oh, it’s such a shame they closed down; they had the nicest things.”

Me: “Yeah, I had some good times there, but I’m happy at [Department Store].”

Customer: “Oh, I had a pair of slacks from there I’ve been meaning to return.”

Me: “That’s a shame. The entire company closed about three years ago.”

Customer: “Well, where should I go to make a return?”

Me: “I’m afraid you can’t. Their whole company folded, so there’s nowhere to return them to.”

Customer: “Can’t I return them here?”

Me: “No, I’m afraid not.”

Customer: *getting upset* “But you used to work for [Old Store]; you should be able to do the return!”

Me: “Now I work for [Department Store], and we can’t take returns of merchandise from anywhere else.”

Customer: “But you used to work for [Old Store]!”

Me: “There’s really nothing I can do for you. If you’ll excuse me…”

(A few days later I get buzzed by a cashier.)

Cashier: “Hey, I have a woman here with a return, but it’s pants from [Old Store]? She said you said it was okay, and–“

Me: “No. I said no. Refuse the return.”

Cashier: “Okay, but didn’t you use to work for [Old Store]?”

Me: “Do not do a return for merchandise that is not ours. Do you understand?”

Cashier: “Okay… Jeez.”

Giving You A Mall-ing

, , , , , | Working | December 27, 2017

Years ago, I worked for a company on the team that set up new store fronts. That year, the CEO made a promise to stockholders that we would have five new stores open by Black Friday in the state.

Unfortunately, one of the new stores was being put in a mall that was being built. They ran into problems, and the construction of the mall was delayed by six months. This pushed the store set up long past the holidays. We found this out early and reported it to corporate.

The next morning, my direct supervisor got a furious call from the CEO. He said he had promised a store ready to go by Black Friday, and we would provide it, no excuses.

So, October of that year we went to the active construction site of the future mall. We had to carry racks and merchandise from a block away by hand, as we couldn’t get a vehicle close, and we had to wear hard hats to go to and from the store. There was no plumbing or electricity, so we had to rent generators to run rented lights and a heater while we worked. The windows weren’t installed yet, so we had tarps taped over them.

Finally, after the most difficult store set up ever, we took pictures of the set up and sent them to corporate.

They responded to now pack everything back up and ship it back to corporate. By the time the store could have customers, everything would be seasonally changed, and they didn’t want anything valuable left behind.

So, we taped the boxes back up, undid everything, and carried it out to be shipped back. The whole process was three weeks of labor for a team of six, plus hotels, travel, shipping, and rental costs.

The photos of the “finished” store went out to stockholders, captioned that the CEO met his promise of having the store ready for Black Friday.

Six months later, they sent us back to set up for real this time.

The company went out of business since then, and every Black Friday I remember this story that demonstrates why.

If I Leave It’s Your Floss

, , | Healthy | December 26, 2017

(I am at the same dentist I’ve been going to for the past five years without issue. I brush my teeth twice a day and frequently use dental floss wands. While I do take really good care of my dental hygiene, my teeth aren’t bright white, as whitening toothpaste hurts my sensitive teeth. However, I’ve gotten nothing but glowing reviews from my dental hygienists and dentists the past few years. I haven’t even had a cavity since I was in elementary school. As the dental hygienist is looking at my teeth, she asks me various questions about my dental hygiene.)

Hygienist: “How often do you brush your teeth?”

Me: “Twice daily.”

Hygienist: “Oh, good! Do you floss?”

Me: “I don’t use dental floss, but I use floss wands.”

Hygienist: “Oh, that counts! Good on you for using those.”

(The dentist stops by to do his inspection of my mouth. I have never seen this dentist before, but I’m not worried, since I’ve had nothing but good experiences with this dental practice. It is an uneventful few minutes, until he jabs me unnecessarily hard in one of my back molars with his sharp tool. Keep in mind, I’ve been going to the dentist twice a year for 25 years, so I’m used to the mild pains of getting my teeth inspected and cleaned. This pain is far out of the ordinary and almost feels deliberately hard. I have never had a dental professional cause that kind of pain in my mouth, even from cavities.)

Me: “Ow!”

(I begin to taste blood, which has me really concerned.)

Me: “I taste blood.”

(I say this with his tools still in my mouth, as he has not stopped his inspection at all.)

Dentist: “Well, that wouldn’t have happened if you actually flossed. See, this is why flossing is so important.”

Me: “I do floss.”

(Again, I mumble, as his tools are still in my mouth and I don’t want to be hurt again. He then finishes his inspection, stands up, and quickly speaks to the dental hygienist. While this is happening, I sit up to check on my tooth. I reach into my mouth and pull out a finger with blood on it.)

Dentist: “Schedule a follow-up appointment in one month, due to her poor flossing habits. It would seem she’s caused herself extremely sensitive teeth and gums. She’ll have permanent dental damage if she doesn’t start taking better care of her teeth.”

(The dentist then walks away, leaving me completely speechless.)

Hygienist: “I’m so sorry about that, honey. Let me get you some cotton balls for that blood. I’ll clean that up and try to finish your teeth cleaning.”

Me: *as I’m fighting back tears* “I swear, I do floss! I even have a pack of floss wands in my purse right over there!”

Hygienist: “I’m so sorry, sweetie. You’re fine; I promise. I didn’t see any inflammation or signs of apparent sensitivity. You also didn’t react to my inspection at all, so I don’t think you have overly sensitive teeth from poor dental care. Again, I’m so sorry. He’s the head dentist’s son, and he’s right out of dental school. He’s only temporarily hired until he finds a job at another dental practice. From what we’ve seen so far, he likes to give an excuse why a patient needs an immediate follow-up appointment so he can try to make more money through more appointments. His father has promised that he won’t be here much longer. I’m so sorry you were here on a day that he was scheduled to fill in for his father.”

(The nurse gave me an over-packed goodie bag with stickers, a new toothbrush, three new toothpastes, a small toy, and a new set of floss wands. She also continued to apologize many more times. She told me I wouldn’t need to come in again until my next dental check-up in six months, when she assured me the dentist’s son wouldn’t be employed there anymore. I’ve never had an issue with this dental practice, but if he’s still there when I come back in six months, I’ll be finding a new dentist.)

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