I Got 5000 Problems And You’re All Of Them

, , , , , | Working | September 11, 2019

(Our company does plans to show where a house will be built on the property. Naturally, these plans are given to the county for review and approval to help get a building permit. If a house is over 5,000 square feet of disturbance, then the county will treat it as major construction work and cause a host of other plans to be done. If the house is under 5,000 square feet, then the project is exempt from the other plans. Doing a house under 5,000 square feet is easier to get a permit for in both time and cost. A client is trying to build a house under the 5,000 square feet so he can sell it later on. We have worked with him and he hates the ones over 5,000 square feet. We do the plan and have come up with around 4,900 square feet of disturbance. He is happy and we have it submitted to the permit office. About two weeks later, we get an email from a county reviewer about the project. Comments happen all the time so this is not unexpected. A few are minor, but two catch our eye.)

Reviewer: “1. Make the driveway pad at the front into a square and revise the plan. 2. Submit a [document saying the house is a major plan for projects over 5,000 square feet].”

(I print the email off and deliver it to my boss, who worked on the plan.)

Boss: “This doesn’t seem right. Why does she want to make the driveway pad like that? There is no rule I can find saying she can do that. If we do what she wants, we will be over 5,000. You know [Client] is not going to like that.”

(My boss and I go through all the requirements for driveways and can’t find anything saying that we have to do that. My boss writes back a detailed message about why we won’t do that and asking what the requirement is that says we have to do that. A few days later, we get this message.)

Reviewer: “[Department Head] is requiring it. Please update the plans.”

(We have worked with [Department Head] before in the past and know him to be a reasonable person. We try to call the reviewer and all but one time we get an answering machine. The one time we get through, she says:)

Reviewer: “The message I sent you is enough.”

(We try to talk with [Department Head] directly, but he is extremely busy and typically out of the office. After sending messages and phone calls, we call his office to set up a meeting with him in person. Two weeks later, [Department Head], [Reviewer], my boss, and I meet at the department head’s office.)

Boss: “So, this is about [Project] that you reviewed.”

Department Head: “What project? I don’t recall any project like this.”

(This isn’t unusual; he is only second to the head of the whole agency, who is appointed by the county counsel, and has hundreds of jobs. My boss gives him the email with the original comments from the reviewer and shows him the plan.)

Department Head: “I don’t understand. This doesn’t appear to be any comment I made. These comments make no sense to me.”

(This is the first time my boss or I have heard of this.)

Me: *turning to reviewer* “So whose comments are these?”

Reviewer: “[Supervisor]. She is the one who requested it. I don’t know why we are in this meeting with [Department Head].”

(The supervisor and the department head are not even close to being mixed up. The supervisor is a blonde, 30-year-old woman who has a common name, while the department head is a black, 60-year-old man with a very uncommon name that is hard to pronounce.)

Me: “You said yourself for weeks that [Department Head] was the one asking for these comments.”

Reviewer: “I never said that.”

Me: “I have your email right here.” *passes it over to [Department Head]*

Reviewer: “That isn’t my email. You must have changed it.”

(The department head facepalms.)

Department Head: “Let me look at the comments.”

(He took a quick look at the comments and removed the comments about the driveway and forcing us to go over 5,000 square feet. The reviewer is still there, but every time we get her, she delays our jobs almost as a revenge for catching her in a lie.)

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Your Number Two Is Not Our Number One Priority

, , , | Right | September 11, 2019

(I am in a local chain drug store. This store has no public bathroom, something I am very aware of since I have a small child. More than once we have had to go to the grocery store on the other end of this small strip mall for a potty break. As I am shopping, I become aware of a woman talking to the store employees. This conversation happens over several minutes as she follows employees who are stocking shelves.)

Customer: “Where is your bathroom?”

Employee: “We do not have a public bathroom, sorry.”

Customer: “But you must have a restroom you use. Where is it? I need it.”

Employee: “It’s not for customer use. I’m sorry.”

(After about the third employee tells her the same thing, the customer suddenly becomes irate and screams:)

Customer: “You need to let me use your bathroom!”

(I go to the pharmacy line and think she is gone. Then I hear:)


(She storms out down the aisle where people are waiting for the pharmacy. She seems to be walking just fine, but I am really hoping that she was lying and I get out of the store before anything further is “revealed.” I turn to an employee I like and say:)

Me: “You know, if she’d left right away, she’d have had plenty of time to get to the grocery store.”

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Unfiltered Story #162096

, , | Unfiltered | September 10, 2019

(Me and my girlfriend were dating for a while when the question about sex came up. After another week or two I decided to do the responsible thing and I walked over to my local drug store.
Note: I’m 15)

Me: *Strangely Pacing Around The Isles*

(An Employee who looks to be in his twenties comes over to me after pacing around for 10 minutes)

Employee #1: Hey, need any help?

Me: Yeah… I… was uhhh… Kinda looking for…

Employee 1#: Yes?

Me: … Condoms…

Employee 1#: Oh! No need to be embarrassed, there over here I’ll show you.

Me: Thanks…

Employee 1#: No problem bud. If you’re safe then you’re all good.

(I go to the pharmacy counter in the back to avoid the extra attention and right as I hand my money to the cashier a line of customers come right behind me)

Me: *Finished Paying and Flustered* Ha.. Have a nice day.

Employee 2#: *Laughs* No problem.

Customer: *Looks at my purchase* How dare you! Selling a child condoms! That is illegal and wrong!

Employee 2#: Ma’am please calm down, There is no age restriction on the sale and possession of condoms.

Customer: They are! IM CALLING THE POLICE!

(Grabs her phone and dials up 911 saying the drugstore employees are selling condoms to kids)

Employee 2#: Ma’am please don’t do that.
You’re causing scene and I’m going to have leave if you continue.


(Hearing the shouting Employee 1# walks to the pharmacy where I am along with the lady along with Employee 2#)

Employee 1#: What’s going on?

Customer: Are you the manager?! This man is allowing this child to buy condoms!

Employee 1#: …. Excuse me?

Customer: EXACTLY! ITS UTTERLY REPULSIVE! I want this man fired and thrown in jail now!

Employee 1#: Ma’am condoms are not illegal to purchase as there is no age limit assigned by law.

(The customer finally blows her top completely)

Customer: *Leaps at me and grabs my bag* I have evidence! You’re all going to jail you sick ****s!

Officer: *Restrains lady* You’re right that is enough evidence.

Customer: Let go off me! They are selling children condoms!

Officer: Ma’am I watched you steal that “Child’s” bag right from his hands. What I see is assault and attempted theft! So you’ll have quite the talk with the judge!

Customer: *Being taken out of the store* WHAT ARE YOU DOING! THEY ARE THE ONES YOU NEED TO ARREST!

(Long story short I ended up getting refunded and got a new box just to make sure nothing happen to the box when the lady was previously swinging them around. I also had a “fun” night right after I could a uber to my girlfriends)

Upselling Is Downgrading

, , , , | Working | September 9, 2019

(Unfortunately, I am required to upsell the store’s discount card, the store credit card, and a seasonal fundraiser, plus inquire if the customer might need any gift cards, with every single customer.)

Me: “Good morning!”

Customer: *hands me two greeting cards and one paperback book*

Me: “And would you like—”

Customer: “You listen to me. I don’t want your stupid card. I don’t want to hear your spiel. I don’t care what you’re meant to say, I have exactly what I want right here, and I am not spending one penny more. So shut up.”

Me: “Well, sir—”

Customer: “I don’t want to hear another word out of you. Not. One. D***. Word. Understand?”

(I am eighteen and easily cowed. I sell him his cards and book in utter silence. About ten minutes later, during a lull, the assistant manager approaches.)

Assistant Manager: “I hear you didn’t offer someone the chance to purchase a discount card.”

Me: “He told me to shut up.”

Assistant Manager: “Oh. Well, you still should have—”

Me: “He told me not to say another d*** word.”

Assistant Manager: “Oh. Well. He might have wanted a gift card!”

(They eventually let it drop. I’d love to see how they would have handled it!)

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Orphaned AND Blind!

, , , , , , | Learning | September 7, 2019

(We live two blocks away from my son’s high school. When he was in middle school, his IEP stated he had to have a bus because he is legally blind, but he can walk to his current school without ever having to cross a major street. I get a letter from the school system saying that because they can’t get a bus scheduled for him, they are going to give him a cab. I immediately call the cab company and tell them that he won’t need one. They say they’ll take him off the roster, but they suggest I call the Office of Pupil Transportation to ensure that he won’t have a cab sent. I call the office and tell them I want to remove him from the list for getting a bus or cab. They look up his name, ask for my name… and then tell me that I’m not on my son’s record, so they can’t do that.)

Me: “Who is listed on his record, then? Is he marked down as an orphan?”

Person: “I’m sorry, ma’am. You’re not on the record, so we can’t tell you that.”

(My son has been attending school in the same school system his entire life, he’s a sophomore in high school this year — for non-Americans, that’s ten years of school so far counting kindergarten, going into his eleventh — and as his mother, I’ve filled out all of his paperwork since the day I signed him up for kindergarten. How am I not on his record?)

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