A Model Employee

, , , | Romantic | May 31, 2017

(I work in a computer store in a department where we sell computer parts. We assist customers in picking out parts and sometimes assist with actually putting the computer together as well. Assisting a customer with a complete build is a long process, and often takes a few hours — sometimes a few hours on multiple days. I have been working with this one customer for two hours at this point, and until now he has been completely normal. We have parts for nearly the entire build picked out, and the only thing left is a wireless card, because he wants his desktop to have wi-fi.)

Customer: “Have you ever been a model?”

Me: “No, not really—”

Customer: “You should be a model.”

Me: “Haha. I’m not interested in—”

Customer: “I’m an artist.”

(I don’t respond. This customer has quickly been getting creepier. For some reason, he changes his entire way of speaking when this exchange begins. He starts speaking more nasally, and elongating the vowels in words. Plus, he cuts me off when I respond to him.)

Customer: “I’m an artist. You should let me draw you.”

Me: “Sir, I’m really not interested–”

Customer: “I can pay you 50 dollars to come to my studio. I have clothes for you, but you wouldn’t have to wear any.”

(While he’s saying this, a coworker, also a woman, happens to come across us and addresses him.)

Coworker: “Sir—”

Customer: “Ugh, I don’t want YOU. Whatever.”

(He turned and left in a huff. He didn’t buy anything, of course.)

Sex With Real Bite

, , , , | Learning | May 31, 2017

Health Teacher: “What is the most important sexual organ?”

Student: “Teeth?”

Something Fishy With Her Complaint

, , , | Right | May 30, 2017

(I’m working as the front-end manager of a Japanese restaurant. We often have to explain the difference between nigiri sushi and sashimi. It is a busy Friday and a customer orders a sushi lunch for delivery. We have lunch specials and there’s an upcharge for any specific fish requested. She declines having specific fish. We close for a short period of time during the weekdays and the customer calls us during that close. We call back and leave a message saying we got their message and that they should call us back asap or come in before we close that night. They don’t call or show up till after eight pm the next day, which is Saturday. I am just about to cash out the customer picking up their order when this lady shows up and demands service.)

Customer #1: “Go ahead. I’m in no rush.”

Customer #2: “Yes, I ordered this yesterday but it wasn’t what I wanted. I asked for the sushi lunch with specific fish and it was supposed to come with rice. I did not receive any rice nor the fish I asked for.”

Me: “I’m so sorry. I could give you a rice on your next order.”

Customer #2: “No. I want a sushi lunch with rice like I ordered. I even brought my lunch with me.” *shows me her half eaten sushi lunch; this sushi is fish over rice*

Me: “Oh, well, I’m slightly confused. That is our sushi lunch. Our sushi lunch does not come with rice. Our sashimi lunch does, however.”

Customer #2: “That is not sushi. That is sashimi. Sashimi is with rice under it. I eat sushi all the time here and that is not sushi.”

(She shows us her tray of mostly eaten sushi. The sushi lunch is five pieces of fish over rice. There are only two pieces left. Customer #1 is trying not to laugh at this point.)

Customer #2: “I’d like a refund. I brought my food back in and clearly you have to refund me.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but refunds are only for the first 24 hours and must not have been eaten. You have eaten more than half of the five pieces and soup and salad. We cannot offer a refund but I can discount your next order by 15%.”

Customer #2: “This is unacceptable. I order here all the time and every time I come in I get exactly what I want. If I order it for delivery you all screw it up!”

Me: “I am very sorry, ma’am. As I said that is the owner’s policy and my hands are tied. If you’d like to give me your name and number, I can put it in our system that you’ll receive 20% off your next lunch order for dine-in or as part of a delivery.”

(She throws her hands up and storms off saying she’s contacting the Better Business Bureau for a refund, leaving the uneaten sushi on a tray on top of the menus.)

Customer #1: “Clearly she’s never had sushi sushi.”

Me: *laughing* “That’s not the first or last time that’ll happen.”

(Yes, the lady did contact the BBB but lost her claim against the restaurant as we explained exactly what happened.)

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