This Hotel Has Much Room For Improvement

, , , , , , , | Working | July 5, 2018

It’s my last night in a hotel in Baltimore, and I’ll be getting up early the next morning to catch a flight, so I go to bed quite early, maybe nine pm. I’m dozing off and I hear some rattling, like someone’s trying to open my door. They can’t do it because they don’t have the right key, and anyway, I’ve put the safety latch on. The noise stops, and I assume they’ve spotted that they have the wrong room, or maybe I just imagined it because I was half asleep.

A few minutes later, however, the door suddenly opens and gets caught on the safety latch, making a huge noise, at which point I scream in terror. There’s a curt apology and they shut the door again.

Terrified, I pick up the room phone and try to dial reception. The phone is clearly broken or not connected, and I’m in too much of a state to work out what is going on. I fling some clothes on over my pyjamas and rush down to reception.

Reception explains that someone misread their room number, thought my room was their room, and tried to get in. When they failed, they found a security guard loitering around who, instead of checking with reception if they had the right key or room number, just decided to use their master key to get into my room.

While they’re explaining this, the culprits — idiot guest and even more idiot security guard — are stood right by me and clearly think it’s hilarious that I’m so upset about this. I’m sure it’s terribly funny to make someone think they were about to be murdered in their bed!

I didn’t get any sleep at all that night because my heart was racing. I did, however, get that night refunded by the hotel, who did accept liability for their receptionist’s poor handwriting and their security guard’s spectacularly bad judgement.

The Needs Of The Good Customers Outweigh The Needs Of The Bad

, , , , , , , | Right | July 2, 2018

(I’m shopping at a well-known pharmacy that’s part of a global chain. I’m there picking up some toilet paper to bring home, something that should take five minutes. When I go up to the front to pay I notice there is only one register open, with about five people in line. At the only open register are two employees dealing with a customer holding a mountain of coupons and about fifteen items. I overhear the following conversation.)

Customer: “Well, just so you know, it is [Store]’s policy, so you two have to follow it.”

Assistant Manager: “Actually, ma’am, it is not.”

Customer: “You’re not the manager, are you?”

Assistant Manager: “No, but I’m the assistant manager, and therefore am acting manager right now, since the manager isn’t in.”

Customer: “Ah, well, that’s why you don’t understand. The manager usually will help me out and honor this deal.”

Cashier: “Ma’am, she can’t do that. The machine just beeped to inform us that this deal isn’t valid, so there’s no way we can allow it.”

Customer: “Oh, yes, you can. The manager always allows me to do this, because it’s store policy.”

Assistant Manager: “The computers are set up by our corporate office, so if they won’t allow it, then there’s a good chance it isn’t company policy.”

Customer: “Well, normally she will just override the computer and allow the transaction to go through.”

(The line has grown to ten people, and the assistant manager has been forced to open up another register to quell the line, since the original woman has not moved. The assistant manager helps an older woman with about ten items fairly quickly, and then calls for the next customer to come up. It becomes very clear, very quickly, that the older woman is the original customer’s mother, as she continues to stand around, blocking the rest of us from reaching the register, despite the cashier’s multiple attempts to get her to move. All the while the original customer is still complaining to the cashier about her deal.)

Customer: “Fine. I’ll allow you to do the transaction regularly, but only if I can bring my receipt in once the manager is back and have her fix it and give me the difference.”

Cashier: “I can’t guarantee that, but you can definitely bring it back and try.”

Customer: “Okay, then. I have several coupons for the items I still have in my cart.”

(The entire process essentially repeats itself, as it is becoming apparent that none of the “coupons” this woman has are valid. I look over her shoulder and see that the woman’s stack of “coupons” actually appears to be the smaller detachable portion of her past receipts that she has brought in, believing they will give her some sort of discount.  I’ve worked for a chain store before. Some stores have a link to a survey on the bottom of their receipts; if you take the survey, you can get a discount on your next purchase. I then realize this woman has taken her past several receipts and attempted to do this multiple times to get multiple discounts off the same purchase, which is not allowed. It clearly states, “One coupon code per visit,” on each receipt.  Finally, the woman’s mother decides to move out of the way so the rest of us can check out and go on with our days. The assistant manager completes all our transactions in record time and sends us all off with a smile.)

Assistant Manager: “I apologize for the long wait. I hope you weren’t standing here for too long.”

Me: “It’s okay; I understand.”

(Now that I’m finally at the register, I am able to confirm that the woman is indeed attempting to use multiple — I count 25 — receipt coupons on her one transaction. Knowing each receipt only takes off 5%, I can only imagine the woman is attempting to use one per item in her cart… Saving her less than $5 on her transaction. The assistant manager finishes my $5 transaction and I hand her a $20.)

Assistant Manager: “All right, and your change is $15.”

Me: “Keep it. They don’t pay you enough to deal with crazies.”

(She smiled at me and I could see a small tear in her eye. I left the store smiling, even as the crazy woman at the first register screamed obscenities at me about how she was so offended and how “her friend” the manager would be hearing about this when she came back in to get her deal. I went in about a week later and was immediately recognized by the assistant manager, who flagged me over and informed me that woman is now banned from the store for the scene she caused after I left. The best part? The manager came over and thanked me for ridding their store of the crazy lady who claimed to know HIM.)

Their Biggest Crime Is Their Stupidity

, , , , | Legal | June 29, 2018

(We’ve taken on quite a bit of seasonal backroom help for the holidays. I’m the store manager, and security calls me one day to let me know they’ve caught one of the temporary employees removing a huge amount of merchandise through the back and loading it into their personal vehicle. They’ve taken the employee to the security room and have called the police, who should be arriving shortly. I arrive to find the employee completely at ease, laughing, as though they aren’t in trouble.)

Employee: “Hey, boss! Can you believe this fuss?”

Me: “I have your termination papers here. We prefer to handle this prior to police.”

Employee: “Whoa, termination? What?”

Me: “You stole from the store; you’re being fired.”

Employee: “Whoa, hey…”

(I ignore the employee, turning to the police officers who have arrived and getting the lengthy list of items the employee stole that security has typed up. The officer’s eyebrows shoot up.)

Officer: “Okay, this is definitely a felony charge here.”

Employee: *eavesdropping* “Whoa, wait, what? Felony. This is impossible.”

Officer: “We’ll need to get some more info from…”

Employee: “Hey! I can’t be fired! I can’t be arrested! It’s impossible to steal from your job.”

Me: “Uh, no.”

Employee: “No, it’s… See, I just sell it somewhere else. It’s the same as the store! I wouldn’t have taken stuff if I knew I’d be arrested and fired.”

Officer: *sighing* “Let’s read you your rights there, Einstein.”

Not Very Closed Minded, Part 29

, , , , | Right | June 29, 2018

(I work at a branch of a well-known east coast convenience store. Today is the first day of a major renovation, including a complete remodel. Every day for the past two weeks, we’ve been reminding customers that we will be closed for over a month during this time. This morning, all the staff show up to count and package all the remaining merchandise to be shipped to other locations. The construction crews are already well into demolition.)

Manager: “Hey, [My Name], you and [Coworker] go outside and stand by the doors and make sure no customers try to come in.”

Me: “Really? Do you think anybody’s going to think we’re open with the parking lot blocked off, the sign being taken down, and construction workers currently sawing their way through the deli?”

Manager: “Don’t be a smarta**; just go.”

([Coworker] and I go outside, glad to just take a cigarette break and not have to do any real work. We’re laughing about how stupid this is, until not one minute later, a man walks up.)

Would-Be Customer: “Hey, are you guys closed?”

Me: *stunned silence*

Would-Be Customer: “Do you think you could sell me a cup of coffee?”

Me: *as construction workers are literally carrying out our empty registers and destroyed counter* “Uh… Sorry, we began our renovation today. I can’t sell you anything; we’re closed.”

Would-Be Customer: “That sucks! When do you think I can come back later?”

Me: *as construction workers, not three feet away, start to use jackhammers to break up the tile on the floor* “Uh… December?”

Not Very Closed Minded, Part 28
Not Very Closed Minded, Part 27
Not Very Closed Minded, Part 26

His Brain Is As Blank As His Stare

, , , , | Right | June 27, 2018

(I’m the cashier on duty. Since we’re running low on bags, I make sure to ask everyone who’s buying just one or two small things if they would like a bag; many people don’t. Two teenage guys come in together. The first one has an armload of snacks, and the second one has just a soda, and has his earbuds in. I ring up the first teenager without incident, but the second one causes a snag.)

Me: “And would you like a bag with this?”

Teenager #2: *stares at me, doesn’t remove his earbuds*

Me: *gesturing to the bags* “Would you like a bag? Or are you going to drink it right away?”

Teenager #2: *continues to stare*

Me: *gestures to remove his earbuds*

Teenager #2: *continues to stare*

Me: “Right.”

(Since pretty much no one asks for a bag with just a soda, I decide to err on the side of conservation.)

Me: “Your total is $1.06.”

Teenager #2: *sees the total on the register, pulls out his money, and hands it to me*

Me: *takes money, hands receipt* “Here you are. Have a wonderful day!”

Teenager #2: *looks at his soda on the counter, and finally takes out his earbuds* “So, like, can I get a bag for this or what?”

Teenager #1: *laughs*

Teenager #2: “What?”

Teenager #1: “Dude, that’s what she was trying to ask you!”

(I gave him his bag.)

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