Unfiltered Story #103654

, , | Unfiltered | January 15, 2018

Me: “Hi, there, what can I get for you today?”

Customer: “Yes I’d like the Subway.”

(It’s the night shift and I figured either she was tired or I was.)

Me: “The Subway?”

Customer: “Yes, yes the Subway!”

Me: “Do you… mean the Subway Melt?”

Customer: “Yes! You can’t hear me or something? You need to get your hearing check.”

O Holy Gifts

, , , , , , , | Related | January 9, 2018

(My mom’s college friend is Irish Catholic, but her husband isn’t. This is during her wedding.)

Priest: “Can you bring up the gifts up after the intercession prayer?”

Husband: “Sure.”

(After the intercessory prayer, the husband brought up the wedding gifts! “Gifts” in the Catholic Church means the chalice and water!)

You’re Too Late To Save Yourself

, , , , , , | Working | January 5, 2018

(I’ve noticed that since summer ended, one of my employees has been routinely late, but clocks in almost exactly 20 minutes after his shift starts. Most of the time, however, I see him before his shift, early. Too many tardy notices and we have to let someone go; its corporate policy and out of my control. I like to give people a chance, so I call him into the office to see if I can help him.)

Me: “So, there’s the trend I’m noticing on your clock-in times. Can you tell me what’s going on?”

Employee: “Well, in the mornings, I put my kids on the school bus, because I don’t like them standing alone in [Sketchy Part of Town]. Then, I take the bus that stops a block over to work. But sometimes the school bus gets there late, I miss my bus, and the next one isn’t for 30 minutes, so I’m late those days.”

Me: “Okay! Well, I wish you’d brought this to my attention sooner. Here’s what we are going to do. I’m moving your entire shift back a half hour. That way, if you catch the later bus, you’ll be on time, and you don’t have to stress.”

Employee: “Seriously? That will help so much. Thank you!”

(Two weeks go by, and I notice the employee is up for a written warning for another three tardies, having clocked in 20 minutes after his new, later start time. I pull him aside.)

Me: “What’s going on here? I moved your shift so that we could fix the issue with you being late, but you’re late more often now!”

Employee: “I’m sorry! It’s just… I don’t want to stand at the bus stop everyday for a half hour. It’s a really bad part of town. So, I’ve been going home to do a few things, and I get distracted, I miss the bus.”

Me: “You’re going to have to figure out how to fix that.”

Employee: “Okay, can we push the shift back another hour? A half hour isn’t much extra time, but I can be back if you give me another half hour.”

Me: “I actually need the 11:00 to 7:00 shift covered, so I’ll allow it, but I need you to understand: this was your last warning. If you are late at all in the next three months, I have no choice but to let you go.”

Employee: “Okay! Thank you!”

(A few days later, the mans supervisor pulls me aside.)

Supervisor: “Just so you know, [Employee] called you a b****.”

Me: “What?”

Supervisor: “He says he took the 10:00 to 6:00 shift specifically to be able to pick up his kids from their after-school program by 7:00. Now, you changed his shift, and he can’t get them in time.”

Me: “Okay, let me tell you what really happened.”

(The situation resolved itself when [Employee] showed up a half hour late two days later. I let his supervisor handle his termination papers, because I was still furious with him.)

The Walking Playing Dead

, , , , , , | Working | January 4, 2018

(We have earpiece walkie-talkies to communicate through the store. One day, all staff are treated to the following:)

Employee #1: “This is stockroom number two. We need maintenance immediately to… OH, MY GOD!”

(There is a loud series of bangs, screams, and crashing noises.)

Me: “Stockroom! What the h*** is going on?!”

Employee #2: “There’s… Jesus! Run, man, run!”

(There was another series of crashes and screams, and a moment later I looked out the window to see [Employee #1] running at top speed across the parking lot away from the mall. I got to the stockroom at the same time as maintenance and security, and we burst in to find boxes knocked over, water on the floor, chairs upended, and our staff missing. For a moment it was like seeing the aftermath of a horror movie. Then, we spotted the culprit: a rather angry possum who had gotten trapped in the room overnight and surprised the stockroom staff when they moved a pile of boxes. A call to animal control later, things were back to normal, but I still tease the staff that I was pretty sure I’d find zombies in the stockroom, based on their reactions.)

Can’t Quite Pin Down A Translation

, , , , | Right | January 3, 2018

(I am running the parts counter when a customer approaches me. I don’t speak Spanish and a large portion of the customers that come in don’t speak English.)

Customer: “I’m looking for this.” *shows me a picture of the entire front suspension*

Me: “What part?”

Customer: *points at nothing specific* “The penis. I need the penis.”

Me: *trying to contain laughter* “The what?”

Customer: “The penis. This one.” *points at nothing specific again*

(I get a Spanish speaker to handle the customer because of the language barrier. Shortly later he leaves.)

Me: “What the h*** did he want? He kept asking me for a penis.”

Coworker: “Peñas is a Spanish word that is pronounced a similar way; it has something to do with pins.”

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