Orange Alert! Orange Alert!

, , , , | Right | December 13, 2019

(I’m an associate about to clock in from break. I don’t work in produce, but when I walk by, a customer gets my attention.)

Customer: “I need a two-pound bag of oranges.”

(I think that’s what she said. It sounded like “tuber pack.”)

Me: “Oh, oranges are over there.” *points*

Customer: “I need a two-pound bag of oranges.”

Me: “Okay, well, I need to clock in, as I’m technically on break right now, and then I can help you.”

Customer: “A two-pound bag of oranges!”

(I give up and walk over to the oranges, pick up a bag, don’t care how heavy it is, and hand it to her.)

Customer: “Oranges. Oranges!”

Me: “These are oranges!”

(The customer sighs.)

Customer: “I guess these will do.”

(She was standing in front of a display with multiple types of bags of multiple types of oranges and somehow wouldn’t handle them herself. And yes, I was late clocking back in.)

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No To No Spending  

, , , | Right | December 13, 2019

(I’m the electronics tech at a well-known office supply store. We sell computers and offer both protection plans and optimizations for them. I see two customers standing by our very expensive touchscreen PC.)

Me: “Hello, ma’am, are you interested in our touchscreen PCs?”

Customer #1: “Yes, I am.”

Customer #2: “No, she isn’t.”

Customer #1: “Yes, I am. I will take it.”

Me: *dumbfounded, since it’s a very expensive PC* “Okay. Would you also like to purchase our protection plan on it? It adds $300 to the price, but guarantees that we will replace it for two years if you break it.”

Customer #2: “No, she wouldn’t.”

Customer #1: *glaring at [Customer #2]* “Yes, I will. And I’ll also take this speaker. Is there a protection plan for that?”

Customer #2: “NO! NO! NO!”

Me: “Actually, yes, there is, and it’s only $11.99 since the speaker is so cheap. I also would like to know if you would be interested in any other upgrades, like having Office installed, or our optimization and protection?”

Customer #2: *screaming* “NO! NO! NO!”

Customer #1: “I’ll take it all. And can I get these programs installed on it, as well.” *shows me six additional programs, including three programs suites, an anti-virus, and two gaming suites*

Me: *slack-jawed* “Uh… sure. Would you like me to ring this up?”

Customer #2: “NO!”

Customer #1: *putting her hand on [Customer #2]’s mouth* “Yes, that would be great, thank you.”

(Long story short, she spent $2500 in less than ten minutes, $740 of which I make commission on. Her friend kept shouting no the entire time!)

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Unfiltered Story #179115

, , | Unfiltered | December 8, 2019

I was shopping in the electronics section of one of the big national retail stores. A customer approached me quickly and was just short of being out of breath. He spoke very quickly and desperately.

Customer: Are you the manager? You have to help me! I was on your website looking for a game, found it and clicked the Buy at Store option, but your staff says you’re out of stock. How can this be?!

Me, a little stunned: I’m sorry sir, I would love to help you but I don’t work here.

Customer, very confused: You don’t?

Me: Nope. I’m shopping for a digital antenna. *I gestured to the buffet of digital antennas on the shelf in front of me*

The customer followed my gesture and frowned. “In a store this big, I can never find an employee!”

I made another gesture, this time toward the two employees in the cashier section 10 feet to our left. “Well sir, you might start with them and work your way up.”

Evolution Is Sliding Back

, , , | Right | December 7, 2019

(I’m a lifeguard for a couple of pools run by the local government. I’m working in the deep stand, which is the lifeguard stand directly next to the diving well. We allow adults to swim in the diving well during adult swim when the slide is closed.)

Swimmer: “Do you need to know how to swim to go in the well?”

Me: “Yes, it’s nine feet deep. You’d drown if you went in.”

Swimmer: “Yeah, a lifeguard saved me last week when I went in.”

Me: “Why’d you go in if you didn’t know how to swim?”

Swimmer: “The slide looked like fun and I thought I’d learn quickly.”

(She didn’t go in, but I still had to save someone else who went in despite not knowing how to swim. His comment afterward: “That was fun. Can I go back in now?”)

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Unfiltered Story #179079

, , | Unfiltered | December 4, 2019

(So I just got off work at the bakery I work at, and decided to do some shopping at another store for a friend. Note that I’m wearing khaki’s and a black shirt with my bakery’s logo on it. The people in this retail store wear blue shirts with their logo on it. My back is turned when I’m asked this from across an aisle.)
Random woman: Hey, do you work here?
Me: uh, no. do I look like I do?
Random woman: no…ok.
(I could not stop laughing. I read NotAlwaysRight stories all the time, but never encountered people this dumb before outside of work!)