A Hole In Their Knowledge Base That Is Being Filled In  

, , , , | Right | September 17, 2019

(I work at an adult store. It’s pretty quiet and I spend most of my time watching YouTube videos or surfing the Internet. I just had a customer walk in and after 30 minutes of her walking around she finally comes up to talk to me.)

Me: “Hi. How may I help you?”

Woman: “I’m confused. What do you do with all these toys?”

Me: “Anything really. But mostly you just find a hole and stick it in.”

Woman: “What about this?” *holds up a battery-operated toy*

Me: “Find a hole and stick it in.”

Woman: “And this one?” *battery-less toy* 

Me: “Find a hole and stick it in; you may start to see a pattern here.”

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Love And Sarcasm: Together They Can Beat Anything

, , , , , | Romantic | September 15, 2019

(My husband gets a new coworker who was supposed to be of higher qualification, but this guy is consistently behind and incomplete on his work, so my husband has to pick up after him. Thankfully, the coworker transfers to another job at a different company — for a while. I get this text from my beloved while we are both at work.)

Husband: “So, that incompetent guy is back. His other job ‘fell through,’ which I’m guessing means he sucked there, too. Now I get to find ways to keep him occupied while I’m busy.”

Me: *texting back* “Sorry, hun. By ‘fell through,’ I’m imagining someone cutting the floor out from under him Looney-Tunes style.”

Husband: “Yeah, but he’s holding the saw.”

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I Got 5000 Problems And You’re All Of Them

, , , , , | Working | September 11, 2019

(Our company does plans to show where a house will be built on the property. Naturally, these plans are given to the county for review and approval to help get a building permit. If a house is over 5,000 square feet of disturbance, then the county will treat it as major construction work and cause a host of other plans to be done. If the house is under 5,000 square feet, then the project is exempt from the other plans. Doing a house under 5,000 square feet is easier to get a permit for in both time and cost. A client is trying to build a house under the 5,000 square feet so he can sell it later on. We have worked with him and he hates the ones over 5,000 square feet. We do the plan and have come up with around 4,900 square feet of disturbance. He is happy and we have it submitted to the permit office. About two weeks later, we get an email from a county reviewer about the project. Comments happen all the time so this is not unexpected. A few are minor, but two catch our eye.)

Reviewer: “1. Make the driveway pad at the front into a square and revise the plan. 2. Submit a [document saying the house is a major plan for projects over 5,000 square feet].”

(I print the email off and deliver it to my boss, who worked on the plan.)

Boss: “This doesn’t seem right. Why does she want to make the driveway pad like that? There is no rule I can find saying she can do that. If we do what she wants, we will be over 5,000. You know [Client] is not going to like that.”

(My boss and I go through all the requirements for driveways and can’t find anything saying that we have to do that. My boss writes back a detailed message about why we won’t do that and asking what the requirement is that says we have to do that. A few days later, we get this message.)

Reviewer: “[Department Head] is requiring it. Please update the plans.”

(We have worked with [Department Head] before in the past and know him to be a reasonable person. We try to call the reviewer and all but one time we get an answering machine. The one time we get through, she says:)

Reviewer: “The message I sent you is enough.”

(We try to talk with [Department Head] directly, but he is extremely busy and typically out of the office. After sending messages and phone calls, we call his office to set up a meeting with him in person. Two weeks later, [Department Head], [Reviewer], my boss, and I meet at the department head’s office.)

Boss: “So, this is about [Project] that you reviewed.”

Department Head: “What project? I don’t recall any project like this.”

(This isn’t unusual; he is only second to the head of the whole agency, who is appointed by the county counsel, and has hundreds of jobs. My boss gives him the email with the original comments from the reviewer and shows him the plan.)

Department Head: “I don’t understand. This doesn’t appear to be any comment I made. These comments make no sense to me.”

(This is the first time my boss or I have heard of this.)

Me: *turning to reviewer* “So whose comments are these?”

Reviewer: “[Supervisor]. She is the one who requested it. I don’t know why we are in this meeting with [Department Head].”

(The supervisor and the department head are not even close to being mixed up. The supervisor is a blonde, 30-year-old woman who has a common name, while the department head is a black, 60-year-old man with a very uncommon name that is hard to pronounce.)

Me: “You said yourself for weeks that [Department Head] was the one asking for these comments.”

Reviewer: “I never said that.”

Me: “I have your email right here.” *passes it over to [Department Head]*

Reviewer: “That isn’t my email. You must have changed it.”

(The department head facepalms.)

Department Head: “Let me look at the comments.”

(He took a quick look at the comments and removed the comments about the driveway and forcing us to go over 5,000 square feet. The reviewer is still there, but every time we get her, she delays our jobs almost as a revenge for catching her in a lie.)

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Your Number Two Is Not Our Number One Priority

, , , | Right | September 11, 2019

(I am in a local chain drug store. This store has no public bathroom, something I am very aware of since I have a small child. More than once we have had to go to the grocery store on the other end of this small strip mall for a potty break. As I am shopping, I become aware of a woman talking to the store employees. This conversation happens over several minutes as she follows employees who are stocking shelves.)

Customer: “Where is your bathroom?”

Employee: “We do not have a public bathroom, sorry.”

Customer: “But you must have a restroom you use. Where is it? I need it.”

Employee: “It’s not for customer use. I’m sorry.”

(After about the third employee tells her the same thing, the customer suddenly becomes irate and screams:)

Customer: “You need to let me use your bathroom!”

(I go to the pharmacy line and think she is gone. Then I hear:)

Customer: “THAT IS IT! NOW I’VE GONE AND S*** MY PANTS! IT IS ALL YOUR FAULT!”

(She storms out down the aisle where people are waiting for the pharmacy. She seems to be walking just fine, but I am really hoping that she was lying and I get out of the store before anything further is “revealed.” I turn to an employee I like and say:)

Me: “You know, if she’d left right away, she’d have had plenty of time to get to the grocery store.”

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Unfiltered Story #162096

, , | Unfiltered | September 10, 2019

(Me and my girlfriend were dating for a while when the question about sex came up. After another week or two I decided to do the responsible thing and I walked over to my local drug store.
Note: I’m 15)

Me: *Strangely Pacing Around The Isles*

(An Employee who looks to be in his twenties comes over to me after pacing around for 10 minutes)

Employee #1: Hey, need any help?

Me: Yeah… I… was uhhh… Kinda looking for…

Employee 1#: Yes?

Me: … Condoms…

Employee 1#: Oh! No need to be embarrassed, there over here I’ll show you.

Me: Thanks…

Employee 1#: No problem bud. If you’re safe then you’re all good.

(I go to the pharmacy counter in the back to avoid the extra attention and right as I hand my money to the cashier a line of customers come right behind me)

Me: *Finished Paying and Flustered* Ha.. Have a nice day.

Employee 2#: *Laughs* No problem.

Customer: *Looks at my purchase* How dare you! Selling a child condoms! That is illegal and wrong!

Employee 2#: Ma’am please calm down, There is no age restriction on the sale and possession of condoms.

Customer: They are! IM CALLING THE POLICE!

(Grabs her phone and dials up 911 saying the drugstore employees are selling condoms to kids)

Employee 2#: Ma’am please don’t do that.
You’re causing scene and I’m going to have leave if you continue.

Customer: I WILL NOT LEAVE AND THAT CHILD WILL NOT BE WALKING OUT THE DOOR WI-

(Hearing the shouting Employee 1# walks to the pharmacy where I am along with the lady along with Employee 2#)

Employee 1#: What’s going on?

Customer: Are you the manager?! This man is allowing this child to buy condoms!

Employee 1#: …. Excuse me?

Customer: EXACTLY! ITS UTTERLY REPULSIVE! I want this man fired and thrown in jail now!

Employee 1#: Ma’am condoms are not illegal to purchase as there is no age limit assigned by law.

(The customer finally blows her top completely)

Customer: *Leaps at me and grabs my bag* I have evidence! You’re all going to jail you sick ****s!

Officer: *Restrains lady* You’re right that is enough evidence.

Customer: Let go off me! They are selling children condoms!

Officer: Ma’am I watched you steal that “Child’s” bag right from his hands. What I see is assault and attempted theft! So you’ll have quite the talk with the judge!

Customer: *Being taken out of the store* WHAT ARE YOU DOING! THEY ARE THE ONES YOU NEED TO ARREST!

(Long story short I ended up getting refunded and got a new box just to make sure nothing happen to the box when the lady was previously swinging them around. I also had a “fun” night right after I could a uber to my girlfriends)