Colorful Pronouns

, , , , , | Right | December 30, 2019

(I am a transgender man and wear a pin with my pronouns on it at work as a way to encourage their use without necessarily having to out myself. Today, I am ringing a woman out who repeatedly refers to me as “she.” After the third time, I gently correct her.)

Me: “Actually, ma’am, it’s ‘he.’”

Customer: “Huh?”

Me: *taps pin* “It’s ‘he,’ not ‘she.’”

Customer: “Oh! I thought that said, ‘she/him.’”

Me: *blinks and glances down at the pin, which very clearly reads “he/him”* “Er, no. It doesn’t.”

Customer: “Well! You can’t blame me for being confused! It’s pink!

(The pin is indeed pink.)

Me: “Well, I have a yellow one at home. I’ll have to wear that next time. Have a wonderful day, ma’am.”

Customer: *leaving* “It’s pink!

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Unfiltered Story #181151

, , | Unfiltered | December 28, 2019

(This is a bafflingly frequent exchange when I’m ringing people up at work.)

Me: (After the counter is clear and their cart is empty) All right, did I get everything?

Customer: Yeah.

Me: Then your total is $XX.XX.

Customer: (Points to a child on the other side of the store who has shown no indication of having any connection to this customer until this moment.) Did you get his toy?

Me: … No. Have him bring it up here and I’ll add it to your purchase.

Pow! What A Museum!

, , , , | Friendly | December 23, 2019

(My friend is coming to stay with me for a long weekend and we are going to tour the sites in Washington DC. We had initially planned to walk around the different monuments at the Capitol Mall the first day, but I check the weather forecast and learn that there is a high chance of rain. I decide to text my friend and suggest checking out one of the Smithsonian museums on our first day, but autocorrect has a different plan.)

Me: “It’s going to rain tomorrow. How about instead of the monuments, we go see the smut onomatopoeia?”

(I hit send.)

Me: “Uh… I meant the Smithsonian museum.”

Friend: “Haha, sure, that sounds good.”

Me: “What the heck is a smut onomatopoeia?”

Friend: “I have no idea.”

Me: “I’m guessing it’s a wet, squishy sound.”

Friend: “Ew!”

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Your Funds Have Been Frozen

, , , | Right | December 19, 2019

(I work in a casino. This particular story happens on a rather slow Sunday night. Sometimes, when an attendant has trouble explaining a game to a customer, they’ll call a technician over to better explain it. When I arrive at the game, it appears to be up and running; note that there is no money loaded on the game at this point, and that the customer is quite intoxicated.)

Attendant: “Can you just check the game’s history for me? She says she put in $20 and that nothing happened; I looked in the history and it was all played out, but she won’t listen.”

(I check the history and sure enough, $20 was put in maybe twenty minutes before my arrival, and all $20 was played out in ten games.)

Attendant: “Ma’am, your $20 was played out. Ten games at $2 per game makes $20.”

Customer: “But… but what happened?”

Attendant: “Your money’s been played out. You have none left on the game.”

Customer: “But it froze up!” *smacks some buttons* “Why doesn’t it work?”

Attendant & Me: “You ran out of money. There is no money on the game to play with.”

Customer: “But, but it was working for a while and then it just froze! What happened?!”

(At this point, a man walks over to the game to see what’s going on; it appears he knows the woman. We explain to him what’s happened and he understands immediately. He tells the woman they’re leaving and takes her by the arm, practically dragging her away because she won’t move. Eventually, he gets her to leave with him, but not after some wailing on her part.)

Customer: “NNNNNOOOOOOOOOO, it froze on me!”

(The attendant and I just exchanged looks, shrugged, and walked off. The lesson? Don’t drink and gamble.)

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H2-D’oh!: The Highlight Reel

, , , , , | Right | December 18, 2019

Due to frequent rains, a drain in the parking lot has backed up, causing a whole area to flood. It actually gets so bad it starts flooding into the store through one entrance. A sandbag barrier is set up to keep the water out of the store and that entrance and a portion of the parking lot are closed for obvious reasons.

This has caused no end to customer issues. A few of my favorites:

Multiple customers giving us advice on how to fix the flood, which is over a foot deep in the parking lot. These include: running a fan, “shoveling out the water,” taking away the sandbags so that the water spreads out and dries faster, “turning it off,” and paper towels. 

Multiple customers swearing they parked in the flooded parking lot and need to use the closed-off entrance.

A woman attempting to leave her kids to “play in the pond.”

I, personally, being accused of faking this flood to convince people that global warming is real.

Someone asking if they could buy the sandbags.

And, of course, someone asking for their items for free because of the inconvenience of the parking lot being flooded.

H2-D’oh!, Part 6
H2-D’oh!, Part 5
H2-D’oh!, Part 4

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