Switching It Up And Going Down

, , , , , , | Working | January 26, 2018

(After employees count down the tills at the end of day, money goes into plastic bags with strong adhesive strips closing them. They have to be cut open by accounting. Because counting down the tills is important, but difficult for people who struggle with math, I’ve had my store split between employees asked to count down tills and those in charge of floor resets at end of day. The district manager visits, and he takes issue with this.)

District Manager: “Why do you only let some employees count down tills? It would make more sense for every employee to take a turn.”

Me: “We only let employees who are able to demonstrate they can close tills quickly and correctly actually do so. There’s more than enough work for everyone else to recover merchandise.”

District Manager: “Hmmm… Humor me. Tomorrow, let’s switch the two groups, just for tomorrow’s shift.”

(We did. Thankfully, he was there to witness employees struggling with counting out the change and massive cash discrepancies. I expected that; not everyone is good at math. What shocked us was the number of people confused by the adhesive plastic bags. Several people had to be instructed that the bags had to be sealed and how to seal them. One employee somehow managed to get the bag stuck to his hair, money still inside. The adhesive was so strong, we had to cut it out. I let the district manager be the one to actually cut the employee’s hair. It drove the point home, and he bought the accounting team — and me — lunch as an apology.)

IOU One IUD, Part 2

, , , , , | Healthy | January 25, 2018

(I go to a family doctor, meaning she’s qualified to treat children and adults, so she’s been seeing me since I was 12. I’m 18 at the time of the story. This conversation takes place during my annual check-up.)

Me: “Can you write me a referral to the gynecologist? I want to get an IUD.”

Doctor: “What? Why do you need an IUD? You said on the forms that you’re not sexually active.”

Me: “Well, I’m not yet, but I’m leaving for college, and I’d rather be safe than sorry.”

Doctor: “No. No, you’re too young for birth control.”

Me: “Excuse me? I’m eighteen.”

Doctor: “And you’re not married. You’re too young for birth control, and besides, if you have an IUD and you get pregnant, chances are you’d miscarry when you had it removed.”

Me: “Being married doesn’t have anything to do with it, and if I got pregnant while on birth control, it’s not like I’d want to carry the pregnancy to term, anyway. And isn’t the chance of getting pregnant with an IUD, like, less than one percent?”

Doctor: “It doesn’t matter; I won’t write you a referral. Does your mother know you’re planning this? I need to speak to your mother.”

Me: “Hang on. I am eighteen years old—”

(She walks out of the office and into the waiting room and gets my mother. My mom comes into the exam room and listens to her, while I protest.)

Mom: “Um… [Doctor], you do realize you just committed a pretty major HIPPA violation, right? She’s eighteen, and legally an adult. She’s allowed to make these choices herself.”

Doctor: “Well! I am not writing this referral for a young girl to be given an IUD!”

Me: “Fine! I’ll figure it out myself!”

(My mom helped me get an appointment with a gynecologist — which my insurance allows me to do, but the way the system is set up, for non-emergencies it’s much easier to get an appointment if your GP gives you a referral first — and we filed a complaint with the hospital against the doctor. She was an older woman, and apparently this wasn’t the first time she’d tried to push her own agenda on a patient, but it was the first time she’d disclosed medical information without someone’s consent, so she was “encouraged to retire” and no longer practices medicine.)


They Should Make An App For That

, , , , | Right | January 18, 2018

(An elderly woman walks in.)

Me: “Hello, ma’am. How can I help you today?”

Customer: “I want to read the Bible from my phone and my grandson told me to get it from the app store. Can you give me directions?”

Me: “Directions to what?”

Customer: “The app store. He didn’t tell me where it is, and I don’t know how to use my GPS.”

(I explained to her what the app store was. She walked away, embarrassed.)

Ignorance Charging Full-Steam Ahead

, , , , , | Friendly | January 16, 2018

Me: “Ugh, I hate this teakettle. The way the handle is shaped, I’m always afraid I’ll get burned by the steam.”

Roommate: “Burned by the what?”

Me: “The steam from the spout.”

Roommate: “Steam can’t burn you; it’s air.”

Me: “Steam can totally burn you; it’s from boiling water.”

Roommate: “No, it can’t. Watch!”

(She then stuck her whole face into the stream of steam coming from the kettle. And that’s how we ended up going to a clinic to receive treatment for burns on her eyelids.)

They Were Not In Concert With Their Late-Night Visitors

, , , , , , , , | Working | January 15, 2018

This happened at my mom’s office last year. One night in winter, her bosses were working really late and still had some lights on in the building. While working on the second floor, they heard something downstairs, so they called the police, considering it was after midnight and they thought the door was locked.

The police arrived, guns drawn, and discovered a drunk girl passed out in the receptionist’s chair. After talking to her, it turned out she had been drinking at a concert venue near the college and was so drunk when she left that she ended up walking about two miles in the wrong direction from campus. It was a cold night, so when she started to get too cold, she saw lights on in their building and, because the door was accidentally left unlocked, she thought it would be okay to warm up inside. She ended up passing out instead. The police helped her out, and I’m guessing they drove her back to her dorm.

But that morning, they realized she had left a phone. After a couple calls, it was discovered it wasn’t her phone at all; it belonged to a guy she met that night. They got another contact number for the guy from one of his friends, and when they finally spoke to him, he told the receptionist he was too drunk to come pick up the phone that morning.

Later that afternoon, the guy finally showed up, wrapped in a sheet, and asked for his phone. The receptionist gave it to him, and then he asked if he could take a selfie with her before he left. She said no.

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