A Signature Move From An Incompetent Person

, , , , , | Working | September 16, 2018

(The Vice President of our company has authorized me to send some biological samples to a microscopy lab, but she has apparently forgotten that she gave permission. This particular Vice President is one of those people who can never, ever be wrong.)

Vice President: *yelling* “You sent the samples to [other lab]? You can’t just do that! You’re never allowed to bring these samples offsite without my permission!”

Me: “But you gave me your permission.”

Vice President: “No, I didn’t! I never would have agreed to that! We have procedures here, and apparently you don’t feel like following them!”

(I walk out of her office and straight to my desk, where I pick up the Request Form that she signed the previous day to authorize me to bring the samples to [other lab]. I return to her office and place the form on her desk, assuming that I’m playing the trump card by showing her, indisputably, that she approved this transfer of samples. She’s quiet for a few moments while she stares at the Request Form, and I think I’ve won. But then:)

Vice President: *yelling again* “That’s not my signature!”

(And that’s why, at the company where I work, even getting everything in writing is insufficient.)

Unfiltered Story #120950

, | Unfiltered | September 15, 2018

(*Note: I am a 13 year old girl out grocery shopping with my dad at Wegman’s when we come across a female employee named Brenda selling Tangerines.*)

Brenda: Wanna try a free sample? They’re Sumo Mandarin Tangerines. Only get em once a year! Better buy em now, we won’t have em tomorrow!

Dad: Wanna try one Malia?

Me: Sure! *I walk over to the stand*

*A lady walks over to Brenda*

Lady: You can’t talk to me like that!

Brenda: I’m sorry what?

Lady: You told me I have to buy these oranges!

Brenda: I was only saying you oughtta buy em today if you’re gonna get them, cause we won’t have em tomorrow.

Lady: Excuse me? Do you own this store?

Brenda: No I do no-


Brenda: No lady, I do not own this grocery store.

Lady: Then you have no right to talk to your customers like that!

Brenda: Look, if you’re so worked up about it, then after my shift we can have a discussion.

Lady: Was that a threat?!?!

Brenda: Look here, I said we’d have a discussion, how did you get a threat outta that?

Lady: You can’t threaten me!

Brenda: Well lemme tell you something-

*Lady walks away infuriated*

Brenda: *talking to us* I don’t know what the hell her problem was. I may be 72 years old but I could’ve dropped her. I ain’t taking none of that bullshit.

Dad: *chuckling* What was that about?

Brenda: I just told her that we only have em today so she’d have to buy em now if she wants them!

Dad: Yeah that’s what I heard. Why did she get so offended?

Brenda: I don’t know!

Dad: Some people I guess. But those are delicious! How much are they?

*We get a box of them and are going to get some Thyme*

Me: How did she get offended by that?! That’s so stupid!

Dad: Some people are idiots.

Me: *mumbling* you mean overly-sensitive dicks.

Not Happy Unless She’s Melon-choly

, , , , | Friendly | September 12, 2018

(I walk into a grocery store. At the front end of the store is a display of watermelons, and I put one in my cart. A while later, I’m in the back of the store when another customer notices.)

Woman: “Oh! I didn’t see watermelons in the produce section.”

Me: “No, they were at front, in a display near the self checkouts.”

Woman: “I’m not sure where you mean.”

Me: “I’m headed that way. I can show you, if you’d like?”

(I lead her there and gesture to the watermelons before turning to go check out. She shoots me a dirty look.)

Woman: “Ahem! You’re welcome!”

Me: “I’m sorry, what?”

Woman: “You didn’t say, ‘Thank you’!”

Me: “I helped you. Shouldn’t you be thanking me?”

Woman: “No, because… I… I mean… Young people have no manners!”

(She snatched up a watermelon and stormed off with it.)

Looks Like Stupidity Is On The Menu Tonight

, , , , , | Right | September 10, 2018

(The restaurant I work at sends out dishes as they’re ready instead of coursing out the food. As a result, a lot of plates are taken to tables by staff members other than the server for that particular table. This happens right after I’ve dropped off a plate and explained it fairly thoroughly.)

Customer: “How do I know if I ordered this?”

This Rivalry Goes Through Sprints

, , , , | Friendly | September 2, 2018

(I’m doing warm-ups with my cross country team. It should be noted that the cross country team has a rivalry with the football team. As we’re running by the football team’s practice, this happens.)

Football Coach: *sees the cross country team running by, turns to one of his athletes* “DON’T LET THOSE RUNNERS BEAT YOU. G**D*** IT, YOU DON’T WANT TO KNOW WHAT I’LL DO IF THEY BEAT YOU!”

Entire Cross Country Team: *sprints as fast as we all can*

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