The Golden Years Need Some Polishing

, , , , | Romantic | January 21, 2020

(I overheard this conversation in my parents’ kitchen. My mother is 86 and my father is 90.)

Mother: “I can’t believe I spent $200 at the market. I can remember when it was around $60.”

Father: “I can remember when you were around 60.”

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The Tires Are Flat But The Coke Is Not

, , , , , , | Working | January 19, 2020

About a week before my 21st birthday, I was driving out in the country and I blew not one, but both tires on my passenger side. A piece of metal from some farm equipment chewed through my tires and I only had one spare. 

I had to walk five miles to get to a place that had a payphone; this was 30 years ago and before cell phones were popular. I ended up finding a bar. I went in and called my grandfather to come and get me so we could get some new tires. But where I was, it was going to be an hour before he could get to me. After walking in the hot August sun, I was thirsty, so I headed to the bar and asked if I could buy a Coke. I knew they had them as they were in the glass-front fridge, presumably for mixed drinks. 

The bartender refused me. I tried to argue, saying that I only wanted a soda as I was hot. He refused me again since I was underage. 

I don’t know the laws in the area, so he may have been within his rights or may just have been a jerk, but in either case, I was hot, thirsty, and fuming mad because he refused to even offer me a glass of water. 

A week later, I turned 21. I took the day off of work to get my ID updated and that night I went to the bar. 

I walked in holding my new license that showed I was now 21 and the bartender beamed at me and asked what he could get me, now well willing to serve me.

I simply said, “My f****** Coke.”

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Getting Her To Stop Is Like Trying To Make Fetch Happen

, , , , | Right | January 16, 2020

(Today is October 3rd, it is Wednesday, and I am wearing pink. I’ve decided to get dinner from a well-known fast food taco place before going home and settling in to watch a certain movie. I get in line and am zoning out but soon realize what is happening:)

Customer: “Why did you charge me full price?”

Cashier: “That is the price of that burrito.”

Customer: “But I ordered it without meat. It should be cheaper!”

Cashier: “You can order it without something, but the price stays the same.”

Customer: “But it costs you less to make it. I should be charged less!”

Cashier: “I’m sorry, but we don’t do that here.”

Customer: “So, what you are telling me is that if ten of my vegetarian friends all came in and ordered without meat, you’d still charge them full price even though you’d have all that extra meat to serve to all your other customers?”

(The cashier has a deer in the headlights look. By this point, I’ve gone from slightly amused to rather annoyed because I am hungry, she’s holding up the line for other people to order, and she’s becoming more belligerent to the employee. I decide to say something.)

Me: “Ma’am, no fast food place does what you are asking. If you don’t like this policy, please complain to corporate because she’s just following policy. She can’t make any changes. You are complaining to the wrong person.” *looks at the cashier* “Can you give her the phone number for corporate?”

(I got back in line, hoping this had resolved the issue. No. The customer continued to rebuke the employee for several more minutes before she finally felt like she’d been mean enough and walked away.)

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Mouthing Off About Cigarettes

, , , | Right | January 13, 2020

(I am a librarian. One day when I’m working at the information desk, I see a woman with a cigarette in her mouth and a lighter in her hand, getting ready to light up.)

Me: “Ma’am? I’m sorry, but smoking isn’t allowed inside the library.”

Patron: *points to the cigarette* “It’s not lit, is it? Do you see smoke coming out?”

Me: “Ma’am, if you have it in your mouth, I have to assume you intend to smoke it by default.”

Patron: “Oh! Uh… sorry, my mistake.”

Me: “That’s fine. But no smoking in the library, okay?”

(At least she apologized. But yeah, I totally stick cigarettes in my mouth with no intention to smoke them all the time.)

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Sweet, Sweet Karma

, , , , , | Right | January 13, 2020

(I’m at the local mall and I decide to poke my head into the candy shop to see if there are any interesting specials. As part of the displays, the store in question sets up chocolate boxes that have cellophane in them so you can see inside and admire the designs on the candy. As I look over them, I notice that one pack clearly has a chocolate missing.)

Me: *calling over the young woman working the floor* “Miss? I think one of your display chocolates got pinched.”

Employee: *coming over and looking at the box* “Yeah, I noticed that, but I’m not worried.”

Me: “Okay, as long as someone knows about it… How do you mean, not worried?”

Employee: “We’ve had that particular box on display for months now; if that chocolate did get stolen, the thief is probably gonna get sick, and if the thief gets sick, it’s not like they can come back on us about it, because they won’t have a receipt!”

(I couldn’t deny her logic!)

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